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A review by pho_ar
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
2.75
I have mixed feelings about this work, let's talk about it- (I listened to the audiobook read by the author and Nicolas Bolton, do reccomend as the method of experiencing this book)
First, let me state that I feel like this work is important and that I do believe it will help women think more about their sexuality and how they express it.
The good stuff:
This was by far the most helpful - The Stress Cycle, learning about it, and how sometimes you put the breaks on releasing that stress and going into freeze actually really helped me to be more intuned with myself.
Nonconcordance, the separating of genital response, and like actual pleasure, I think, is an important message, especially in the context of our society and rape culture
When she describes the many ways to have an orgasm and that no two are the same or better, it is also helpful because I didn't fully know that, and it was interesting to learn the science behind this.
Atttachement styles are also helpful in just reflecting on my own relationships(in general, not just romantic)
Accelerators and Breaks
Learning about desire in general
Grieving what you thought things were supposed to look like(this was in the context of sexuality but she also mentions it in the wider context, which I thought was helpful.
And the overall message of trusting yourself and your sexuality was just good to hear and be reminded of.
The not so good stuff
This book contains a lot of analogies and metaphors and I know it is all in an effort for the science to be more approachable and understandable, but at times I felt as if it muddled the science and it felt like I was being coddled like I was a scared stray kitten. I do acknowledge that some may need that in regards to this topic, though, so I understand it was just a lot for a whole book.
The book does not talk about asexuality, well, not explicitly, and when lack of desire or lack of interest in sex is mentioned, it's more in something that can be improved upon or fixed. I don't think this was done intentionally, but for a book that claims everyone is normal, it makes it feel like asexuality is not. Also, I know I am listening a book about woman sexuality, but that includes asexuality and the expression of that as well.
Also, a lot the topics was focused on couples in more monogamous relationships, which again I understand because sex and sex with two people and that being probably what the author felt to be more helpful but I also wished she talked more about single people or people in less traditional relationships.
All in all, this book had some interesting science and helpful knowledge and people thinking about their sexuality and their partner's sexuality and needs . It's a good start.
First, let me state that I feel like this work is important and that I do believe it will help women think more about their sexuality and how they express it.
The good stuff:
This was by far the most helpful - The Stress Cycle, learning about it, and how sometimes you put the breaks on releasing that stress and going into freeze actually really helped me to be more intuned with myself.
Nonconcordance, the separating of genital response, and like actual pleasure, I think, is an important message, especially in the context of our society and rape culture
When she describes the many ways to have an orgasm and that no two are the same or better, it is also helpful because I didn't fully know that, and it was interesting to learn the science behind this.
Atttachement styles are also helpful in just reflecting on my own relationships(in general, not just romantic)
Accelerators and Breaks
Learning about desire in general
Grieving what you thought things were supposed to look like(this was in the context of sexuality but she also mentions it in the wider context, which I thought was helpful.
And the overall message of trusting yourself and your sexuality was just good to hear and be reminded of.
The not so good stuff
This book contains a lot of analogies and metaphors and I know it is all in an effort for the science to be more approachable and understandable, but at times I felt as if it muddled the science and it felt like I was being coddled like I was a scared stray kitten. I do acknowledge that some may need that in regards to this topic, though, so I understand it was just a lot for a whole book.
The book does not talk about asexuality, well, not explicitly, and when lack of desire or lack of interest in sex is mentioned, it's more in something that can be improved upon or fixed. I don't think this was done intentionally, but for a book that claims everyone is normal, it makes it feel like asexuality is not. Also, I know I am listening a book about woman sexuality, but that includes asexuality and the expression of that as well.
Also, a lot the topics was focused on couples in more monogamous relationships, which again I understand because sex and sex with two people and that being probably what the author felt to be more helpful but I also wished she talked more about single people or people in less traditional relationships.
All in all, this book had some interesting science and helpful knowledge and people thinking about their sexuality and their partner's sexuality and needs . It's a good start.
Content Warnings
Minor: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Rape, Sexual violence, Body shaming, Mental illness, and Sexual assault