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nomonbooks 's review for:

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
5.0
 Not that I've been raped. Not raped raped. 

This book made me feel deeply uncomfortable. But, I am so glad this story was told from this perspective. Child sexual abuse is never going to be a fun read. I preferred the chapters set in the present day with 30-year-old Vanessa learning how to cope as opposed to the chapters set in the past with 15-year-old Vanessa being raped and / or harmed in other ways. The discussion around victimhood was nuanced and complex, and Vanessa’s interaction with it was unique from a literary perspective but I expect so common in real life. How many times do we qualify rape? How do we all know the difference between raped and raped raped? It’s a discussion that women need to continuously have with themselves. The distortion of consent is a huge theme in this book: Not forcing someone to stop, or making someone stop, still isn’t saying yes. As an adult all of that is difficult to grapple with. As a child, with that trauma baked in as you grow, it’s virtually impossible. This novel covers all of that, alongside the pressure we put on victims to change things, to put their trauma on a platter to make things better for other people.

 In summary:  The book was amazingly written and you should read it. Just, be prepared. And, maybe take some enforced breaks, as it will be hard to put down. I very strongly feel this was not a thriller, more literary fiction. Everyone who has read Lolita should read this book. Every copy of Lolita you have should sit next to this book. That’s where it’s going in my shelf.

Also, if you want to learn more about the Lolita trope, The Lolita Podcast by @jamiechristsuperstar is a brilliant place to start / end up. This book is mentioned in the final episode. 

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