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A review by ehmannky
Husband Material by Alexis Hall
funny
lighthearted
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
Honestly this book was a 3.75 kind of book for me but so many people in the reviews are just like...mischaracterizing Luc that out of spite and annoyance I'm rating it higher. And actually, in thinking why so many of these reviews are annoying me, I've worked out some things through reading this book that make me like it more than I did while I was reading it. I do still think that every wedding section could have been about 50 pages shorter though.
One thing that thinking about this book kind of highlighted to me was the ways in which queer folk can get trapped in heteronormative thinking. Like, Luc has no way to tell Oliver how much he loves and care for him other than proposing to him, because that's just what you do when you feel like you want to be with someone forever. And it's interesting that the second they switch to being fiancés, their entire dynamic changes. So many people in the reviews are mad that Luc and Oliver don't communicate better after two years of a relationship. But they're actually great communicators when they're not forcing themselves into a dynamic they don't want to be in and feels wrong to them. Like, compare any of their fights over petty wedding shit to the fight they have during Bridget's section. During that fight it is clear Oliver and mad and disappointed, but they both handle it rather well and healthy. Entering into the fiancé dynamic changes their ability communicate because now instead of their relationship being just for them, it's about everything outside of them. I know a lot of the reviews are upset because they feel Luc is calling Oliver a Bad Gay because he doesn't like or even want to entertain the idea of having any outwardly queer signifiers at his wedding, but it's pretty clearly spelled out that the reason Luc is so hung up on this is because it feels like Oliver is rejecting a big part of who Luc is (because Luc does intensely relate to Queer Culture and outward signifiers of being gay). As Bridget's section spells out, in traditional heternormative culture, your wedding is the Biggest Day of Your Life and it has to be perfect because it represents you and what kind of couple you are to the world. Because they're caught up in an institution that wasn't designed for them or one that either of them ever really wanted to be in (Luc even mentions multiple times that he really never did dream of what it would be like to be a groom), they can't resolve their differences the way they would normally. Because the problem isn't each other, it's the institution they're thinking of entering. Even before you get to the cold feet at the end of the book (which I get why so many people don't like, but I think reading it again you'd probably see a lot more signs of both Luc and Oliver's reluctance to actually get married--they both offer a "we can postpone the wedding if you want" to each other multiple times), it's really clear that Luc doesn't want to get married. He just wanted to tell Oliver he loves him and wants to commit to him and Oliver wanted to make Luc happy (because it's only been 2 years of therapy and he is a profoundly messed up man). The fact Luc couldn't even fathom an alternative just kind of shows that he's also trapped in heteronormative thinking just as much as Oliver can be, because he truly couldn't think of an alternative way to be with Oliver forever outside of a thing he didn't really want to do. And it comes to a head towards the end of the book when they decide, in fact, that this does feel wrong and that they have been unhappy ever since they got engaged and that they should be together but not get married.
Also, so many people in the reviews are like "how dare Luc even vaguely hint towards Oliver that he has internalized homophobia (which he phrased badly because they were running on 2 hours of sleep) just because he has no queer friends outside of his boyfriend, was raised in an intensely homophobic household by emotionally abusive parents, and is repulsed by all queer iconography and doesn't want any at his wedding." Like, yeah, if I met this man irl I would also think he's repressing something. Even Oliver says he should really think about this with his therapist cause there might be something there. Why are you all mad!
One thing that thinking about this book kind of highlighted to me was the ways in which queer folk can get trapped in heteronormative thinking. Like, Luc has no way to tell Oliver how much he loves and care for him other than proposing to him, because that's just what you do when you feel like you want to be with someone forever. And it's interesting that the second they switch to being fiancés, their entire dynamic changes. So many people in the reviews are mad that Luc and Oliver don't communicate better after two years of a relationship. But they're actually great communicators when they're not forcing themselves into a dynamic they don't want to be in and feels wrong to them. Like, compare any of their fights over petty wedding shit to the fight they have during Bridget's section. During that fight it is clear Oliver and mad and disappointed, but they both handle it rather well and healthy. Entering into the fiancé dynamic changes their ability communicate because now instead of their relationship being just for them, it's about everything outside of them. I know a lot of the reviews are upset because they feel Luc is calling Oliver a Bad Gay because he doesn't like or even want to entertain the idea of having any outwardly queer signifiers at his wedding, but it's pretty clearly spelled out that the reason Luc is so hung up on this is because it feels like Oliver is rejecting a big part of who Luc is (because Luc does intensely relate to Queer Culture and outward signifiers of being gay). As Bridget's section spells out, in traditional heternormative culture, your wedding is the Biggest Day of Your Life and it has to be perfect because it represents you and what kind of couple you are to the world. Because they're caught up in an institution that wasn't designed for them or one that either of them ever really wanted to be in (Luc even mentions multiple times that he really never did dream of what it would be like to be a groom), they can't resolve their differences the way they would normally. Because the problem isn't each other, it's the institution they're thinking of entering. Even before you get to the cold feet at the end of the book (which I get why so many people don't like, but I think reading it again you'd probably see a lot more signs of both Luc and Oliver's reluctance to actually get married--they both offer a "we can postpone the wedding if you want" to each other multiple times), it's really clear that Luc doesn't want to get married. He just wanted to tell Oliver he loves him and wants to commit to him and Oliver wanted to make Luc happy (because it's only been 2 years of therapy and he is a profoundly messed up man). The fact Luc couldn't even fathom an alternative just kind of shows that he's also trapped in heteronormative thinking just as much as Oliver can be, because he truly couldn't think of an alternative way to be with Oliver forever outside of a thing he didn't really want to do. And it comes to a head towards the end of the book when they decide, in fact, that this does feel wrong and that they have been unhappy ever since they got engaged and that they should be together but not get married.
Also, so many people in the reviews are like "how dare Luc even vaguely hint towards Oliver that he has internalized homophobia (which he phrased badly because they were running on 2 hours of sleep) just because he has no queer friends outside of his boyfriend, was raised in an intensely homophobic household by emotionally abusive parents, and is repulsed by all queer iconography and doesn't want any at his wedding." Like, yeah, if I met this man irl I would also think he's repressing something. Even Oliver says he should really think about this with his therapist cause there might be something there. Why are you all mad!
Content Warnings
Moderate: Homophobia and Emotional abuse
Minor: Abandonment