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wandering_not_lost 's review for:
The New Masculinity
by Alex Manley
informative
reflective
medium-paced
A book aimed at helping teen/young men navigate gender and how to be men (and what "men" are, exactly), but still an interesting, accessible read for anyone else. If you've got a young man in your life, though, this is a great book to shove at them.
Anyone who's already read up on the basics of feminism will find a lot of similar ideas here, about gender as a construct and how it harms both men and women in different ways by restricting choice, leading you into harmful behaviors, and sometimes causing us to victimize each other. Deconstructing toxic masculinity is the goal here, and it does that in a very accessible way: by breaking down things that men "just don't do" and showing how life can be better if you DO do those things. And it's not just "be nice to women" or "get in touch with your feelings" (though those are covered). It's also: ask for help, go to the doctor if you need it, test out weird sex things and see if you like them, and learn how to care for your body.
All sometimes basic stuff, but still, every now and then the author would lay something out in a simple line and I'd sit there blinking. "Masculinity is a belief system" was one. "If women in your life haven't told you about [being assaulted], it's not because it's not happening: it's because they don't trust you." was another. Also discussions about how "being a man" is also partly about being a mature adult (something that is sometimes forgotten nowadays), and about how women are gaining in the spheres of education and academic success and the increasingly scarce good jobs, which might start a dangerous trend of men shying away from success because it's a "woman thing". It's interesting to hear the author, who wrote for AskMen.com for a long time, discuss these things from the inside, as it were.
Anyone who's already read up on the basics of feminism will find a lot of similar ideas here, about gender as a construct and how it harms both men and women in different ways by restricting choice, leading you into harmful behaviors, and sometimes causing us to victimize each other. Deconstructing toxic masculinity is the goal here, and it does that in a very accessible way: by breaking down things that men "just don't do" and showing how life can be better if you DO do those things. And it's not just "be nice to women" or "get in touch with your feelings" (though those are covered). It's also: ask for help, go to the doctor if you need it, test out weird sex things and see if you like them, and learn how to care for your body.
All sometimes basic stuff, but still, every now and then the author would lay something out in a simple line and I'd sit there blinking. "Masculinity is a belief system" was one. "If women in your life haven't told you about [being assaulted], it's not because it's not happening: it's because they don't trust you." was another. Also discussions about how "being a man" is also partly about being a mature adult (something that is sometimes forgotten nowadays), and about how women are gaining in the spheres of education and academic success and the increasingly scarce good jobs, which might start a dangerous trend of men shying away from success because it's a "woman thing". It's interesting to hear the author, who wrote for AskMen.com for a long time, discuss these things from the inside, as it were.