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donnawr1 's review for:
She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders
by Jennifer Finney Boylan
More like a 3.5, but I just couldn't bring it up to a 4. I was interested in reading this book because I know some younger transgender persons. I wanted to understand what they were experiencing and felt like the first part of the book really did that. It felt honest and I was particularly intrigued by James/Jenny's descriptions of how her body, and even personality, changed with the start of hormone treatment. After about that point, I found the book a bit repetitive and not honest in a way that helped me to move sympathetically along the rest of the journey with the author. Why did the author have to do the transition at break neck speed while her wife begged her to slow down and give her time to adjust to the whole process? Was the author feeling suicidal? Was the author finally able to face who she was and couldn't hold back any more? Did the author need to finish this book with a deadline, since it was published shortly after the final surgery?
I felt increasingly sympathetic to Grace, the author's wife, who we are told is an amazingly loving person and who has continued to stay married to Jenny many years later. But the transition felt very lopsided, with no give or compromise on Jenny's part and all kinds of loss for Grace. She had no choice but to watch her husband transform into a sister. The self-centeredness of the author dominated the second half of the book and her happiness was all that seemed to matter. Some of the vignettes, especially at the end, didn't seem to fit the rest of the narrative and left you wondering, Why was that in there? One that comes to mind was the visit to the magic store. I also didn't feel connected to the author about what being a woman was like other than superficial things. Other than feeling right, or worrying about getting her behavior right so she would be believeable, I didn't find what made her life so much more satisfying after the surgery.
I'm glad there is more open conversation about transgender persons so they can try to live the gender they associate with before they become entangled in a family where the others are unsuspecting. Jenny may have been glad for the process she went through to become herself, but I wonder if Grace can say the same.
I felt increasingly sympathetic to Grace, the author's wife, who we are told is an amazingly loving person and who has continued to stay married to Jenny many years later. But the transition felt very lopsided, with no give or compromise on Jenny's part and all kinds of loss for Grace. She had no choice but to watch her husband transform into a sister. The self-centeredness of the author dominated the second half of the book and her happiness was all that seemed to matter. Some of the vignettes, especially at the end, didn't seem to fit the rest of the narrative and left you wondering, Why was that in there? One that comes to mind was the visit to the magic store. I also didn't feel connected to the author about what being a woman was like other than superficial things. Other than feeling right, or worrying about getting her behavior right so she would be believeable, I didn't find what made her life so much more satisfying after the surgery.
I'm glad there is more open conversation about transgender persons so they can try to live the gender they associate with before they become entangled in a family where the others are unsuspecting. Jenny may have been glad for the process she went through to become herself, but I wonder if Grace can say the same.