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A review by geraldine
Self-Portrait with Nothing by Aimee Pokwatka
emotional
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
so i did know the premise of this one going in, unlike a ton of books that i added to my kindle and then forgot the plot or why i wanted to read them, and about halfway through i was struck with the thought that like... i didn't want there to be anything supernatural or scifi in it at all. like i get that that's the whole gimmick! that's the whole plot! the entire premise! but i genuinely thought it worked way better without it.
like, literally. you don't even get definitive proof that anything supernatural is going on until like the 60% mark at least and i feel like the supernatural elements really hurt the book!! like this is the story of a woman who is struggling with her feelings towards her birth mother, her family, her loving husband, herself, who tries to think her way out of her feelings, who still feels abandoned even though she has people who love her, and i really liked the way the writing depicted her mental state and her actions and even though watching her blow up her relationship with her husband was very difficult it all made sense.
AND i got her when she wanted to keep secrets from him!! felt like the author walked a very fine line in making it fair that pepper wanted to keep things to herself (and that it was fair to!) but also that ike would genuinely feel hurt by her secrecy and be upset by the irrational and borderline self destructive things she was doing. honestly her relationship with ike was the most compelling part of the book to me by far which, i feel like you have to actually have a good understanding of relationships and nuance to successfully write a conflict like this too (and also where the husband is not a total piece of shit but it's waved away by misogyny and "that's how men are" business and they get forgiven regardless) like! ike was just a normal guy! their text exchanges really sold me on them too like that was some of the most realistic texting i've seen in a book in a long time. very genuine.
but then we get to like... okay suddenly there's like 8 of her birth mother around and it's very difficult to keep track of who is who and the entire thing is less tightly written and basically falls apart. like it's like... fine i guess but it just feels like it loses its way. also the guy pepper has been traveling with just goes home and there's no real resolution to what he was doing (avoiding his girlfriend because he was also stressed) and while i did NOT want him and pepper to hook up at ALL i thought they were an interesting parallel to each other. so then he's gone and now pepper has 8 her biomoms around and i'm trying to remember which one is key and which one is ursula and how this all works.
really liked the scene of her discovering the portrait at the museum/the book title drop but again i feel like the reveal that "oh alternate universes are real this is someone else" kind of weakens the scene!!
didn't feel like it was a waste of time though and maybe what didn't work for me might work for you!
AND i got her when she wanted to keep secrets from him!! felt like the author walked a very fine line in making it fair that pepper wanted to keep things to herself (and that it was fair to!) but also that ike would genuinely feel hurt by her secrecy and be upset by the irrational and borderline self destructive things she was doing. honestly her relationship with ike was the most compelling part of the book to me by far which, i feel like you have to actually have a good understanding of relationships and nuance to successfully write a conflict like this too (and also where the husband is not a total piece of shit but it's waved away by misogyny and "that's how men are" business and they get forgiven regardless) like! ike was just a normal guy! their text exchanges really sold me on them too like that was some of the most realistic texting i've seen in a book in a long time. very genuine.
but then we get to like... okay suddenly there's like 8 of her birth mother around and it's very difficult to keep track of who is who and the entire thing is less tightly written and basically falls apart. like it's like... fine i guess but it just feels like it loses its way. also the guy pepper has been traveling with just goes home and there's no real resolution to what he was doing (avoiding his girlfriend because he was also stressed) and while i did NOT want him and pepper to hook up at ALL i thought they were an interesting parallel to each other. so then he's gone and now pepper has 8 her biomoms around and i'm trying to remember which one is key and which one is ursula and how this all works.
really liked the scene of her discovering the portrait at the museum/the book title drop but again i feel like the reveal that "oh alternate universes are real this is someone else" kind of weakens the scene!!
didn't feel like it was a waste of time though and maybe what didn't work for me might work for you!