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A review by thereadingmum
We Are Not Ourselves by Matthew Thomas
challenging
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
4.75
Look, I get it, in-depth character analysis is not for everyone. If I don't connect with the characters then it's also a no-go for me. This is not a book that's going to have you on the edge of your seat. It's slow and very long and not a lot happens. Yet, I just loved it.
Firstly, Thomas writes devastatingly beautifully. It's not OTT bombastic or lyrical so it's one long poem. It's simple, evocative and peppered with phrases I want to snuggle up to on a cold night.
"She wanted a man whose trunk was thick but whose bark was thin, who flowered beautifully, even if only for her."
This is mainly Eileen's story. From her childhood growing up with parents with their own neuroses and troubles, to finding and marrying the man who would define the rest of her life. She is not perfect, far from it. What I respect most about her is her ability to admit her faults and that she keeps trying to be better. Some of her interactions with both Ed, her husband, and Connell, her son, I would have lost my kit and stormed off. Yet she somehow finds the strength to stay calm and try and communicate with them.
As with many reviewers, I agree that the second half when they finally discover that Ed has Alzheimer's diseas is where the novel truly blooms. My husband and I are nearly where Eileen and Ed were and it has already been a source of anxiety for me that one of us may develop dementia. So reading about how Eileen copes with Ed's deterioration and the tenderness she shows for him was heartbreaking in a very real, terrifying way.
At one point, I was pretty disgusted with Connell. Coming from a Chinese background where family is paramount, it often boggles my mind how children from other cultures can blithely leave their elderly parents to fend for themselves. However, even his character analysis is done in such a way that I ultimately emphatised with him. After all, I also moved away from my parents and don't even live in the same country. If my father were to require such intense care, I don't know if I could handle it either.
What I love about this novel is that it highlights the ordinary in all its dirty, broken glory. At the end both Eileen and Connell evolve and find their own versions of peace and this is really all that we need in life.
"The point wasn't always to do what you want. The point was to do what you did and to do it well. She had worked hard for years, and if she had nothing to show for it but her house and her son's education, there was still the fact of it having happened, which no one could erase from the record of human lives, even if no one was keeping one."
Firstly, Thomas writes devastatingly beautifully. It's not OTT bombastic or lyrical so it's one long poem. It's simple, evocative and peppered with phrases I want to snuggle up to on a cold night.
"She wanted a man whose trunk was thick but whose bark was thin, who flowered beautifully, even if only for her."
This is mainly Eileen's story. From her childhood growing up with parents with their own neuroses and troubles, to finding and marrying the man who would define the rest of her life. She is not perfect, far from it. What I respect most about her is her ability to admit her faults and that she keeps trying to be better. Some of her interactions with both Ed, her husband, and Connell, her son, I would have lost my kit and stormed off. Yet she somehow finds the strength to stay calm and try and communicate with them.
As with many reviewers, I agree that the second half when they finally discover that Ed has Alzheimer's diseas is where the novel truly blooms. My husband and I are nearly where Eileen and Ed were and it has already been a source of anxiety for me that one of us may develop dementia. So reading about how Eileen copes with Ed's deterioration and the tenderness she shows for him was heartbreaking in a very real, terrifying way.
At one point, I was pretty disgusted with Connell. Coming from a Chinese background where family is paramount, it often boggles my mind how children from other cultures can blithely leave their elderly parents to fend for themselves. However, even his character analysis is done in such a way that I ultimately emphatised with him. After all, I also moved away from my parents and don't even live in the same country. If my father were to require such intense care, I don't know if I could handle it either.
What I love about this novel is that it highlights the ordinary in all its dirty, broken glory. At the end both Eileen and Connell evolve and find their own versions of peace and this is really all that we need in life.
"The point wasn't always to do what you want. The point was to do what you did and to do it well. She had worked hard for years, and if she had nothing to show for it but her house and her son's education, there was still the fact of it having happened, which no one could erase from the record of human lives, even if no one was keeping one."