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A review by imtiredofthisgrandpa
The Alpha's Gamble by Eliot Grayson
5.0
I’ll be honest and tell you guys that this is actually a really, really depressing read—which you’d be led to believe it should be anyway with the blurb; it’s considered a HEA but, really, it’s just heartbreaking.
I’m not understanding the insane jump from “you threw me a major setback in my career” to “so you’re going to be my knot-slave for the foreseeable future or I’ll toss you to the police because you did something much less revolting than the sexual coercion I’m currently involved in committing,” but I was willing to overlook it because it’s rare to find an Alpha/Alpha relationship that doesn’t make me roll my eyes with all the posturing from the Alpha that sees himself as less of an Alpha for bottoming, but Eliot Grayson did really well with not overdoing Blake’s Alpha attitude or underplaying it. I’m still super confused about why Blake did what he did when he’d never had a history of retaliation like that before, and I feel like Grayson had an easy opportunity to put Walter somewhere in the background that night to affect Blake, but they didn’t take the out.
Now, that said: This book is centered around rape, even though neither MC ever classifies it as such, I believe. The first instance of coercion was uncomfortable, but Blake’s first penetrative sexual experience being rape was something that really got driven home by Blake’s thoughts and the conversation afterward.
*
Would this have been comforting if he’d been someone I liked and trusted? Maybe. But as he’d told me, I’d never find out, so it didn’t matter.
*
“I didn’t think you noticed anything past your own knot.” He went even tenser, and I added, “Bodies respond to physical stimulus. That doesn’t mean I liked it.”
“Do you want me to prove you wrong, or do you want to admit you’re wrong right now and save us both the trouble?” Heat rushed to my cheeks and I went stiff in his arms. Admit I was— But he cut off my gathering tirade by saying, “You know what, never mind. I don’t care if you liked it or not. I didn’t injure you, and you agreed to do this. Beyond that, I don’t give a fuck about your feelings or your virginity or anything else about you.”
*
I stared at the wall, keeping my eyes wide open and unblinking. If I closed them, if I gave them a chance to, they’d start leaking, I knew it. I could feel the moisture right there, all ready to gather and fall.
*
He preferred twiggy twinks with seductive hips. Or at least he was willing to be nice to them, and wouldn’t waste so much as a single kind word on me.
I wanted to curl up and cover my face and pull a blanket over my head. Get in the shower and stay there, sit on the tile with my forehead resting on my knees for a week, or at least until the water ran cold.
But I couldn’t. I had to lie here perfectly still with MacKenna’s knot in me and the rest of his body surrounding me.
The pressure of his hand on my chest started to feel like a ten-ton weight. I couldn’t breathe. The wall had gone all blurry and dim.
This was what I got for being a smart-ass. For asking a question I should’ve known I wouldn’t like the answer to.
Panic bubbled in my chest, filling all the space that should’ve been occupied by oxygen. I had to get away from him. I had to.
*
Jesus Christ, just cleave my chest open and take my heart, Blake. He’s turned basically into a prisoner/sex slave overnight, unable to leave the hotel/casino/room at different intervals, and he’s left alone with his thoughts more often than not. He’s fed lines of “you deserve this because you’re a terrible person and a weak Alpha” from Declan, bookended by the man being kind to others and not him, so he must deserve this… right? Fuck me up, Eliot Grayson, I hate it. (I love it.)
…well, maybe I could convince Declan to give me a chance. A real chance, not the fucked-up blackmail-and-sex-and-occasional-spreadsheets limbo we’d been existing in. Or even just convince him to keep me around as his sex toy. I’d take it. Not too likely that it’d work, but if I held on to that faint idea of a future, it could keep me going.
Excuse me? Excuse me? Ouch. Ohmygod. Ow. And then my boy throws me this heartbreaking garbage:
“I do love you,” I choked out. “Whether or not you can love me, I do. Love you.” The shower hammered down, nearly drowning out the words if he hadn’t had a shifter’s enhanced hearing. I was so glad he was behind me and couldn’t see my face; if I’d had to meet his eyes to say this, I’d never have been able to get it out. I knew I was stumbling over my words anyway, repeating myself, unable to convey the clarity I felt inside. “Maybe I deserved what you did. And— I’ve seen you the way you really are. And I love you. So if you can’t love me, that’s all ri—”
WHAT? WHAT?! So we’re to our supposed HEA, except:
Gods, Declan had wanted to mate me.
Fuck. And he’d changed his mind.
By the time the door of the suite thumped shut behind us, I’d started to hyperventilate so badly my vision blurred.
And:
I’d been so confident, so determined to give Declan a piece of my mind, tell him what I wanted from him. But even if he hadn’t rethought his desire to mate me for any particular reason, knowing that he’d been waffling about this decision for such a long time made me feel so small, so insignificant. So unworthy.
Christ, God, Jesus, Joseph, Mary and the little lamb. It’s just so painful, even when it’s supposed to be the happily ever after, because Blake’s thoughts about himself never change, and Declan never really apologizes or grovels on-page for Blake’s forgiveness, but Blake loves Declan and wants anything Declan will offer to him. It hurts so much, and I love it.
At first, I was a little annoyed by this novel not having alternating POVs just because I’ve grown used to seeing nothing except those in MM romances, but I definitely feel that this would have suffered like a lot of others I’ve read, if it had been done that way. I’d absolutely be down for an entire book in Declan’s POV, if Eliot Grayson ever had the wild desire to fulfill my dreams.
I read the book first to break my heart in print form, then bought the audiobook to let Chris Chambers soothe the pain with his voice. 5/5, 10/10, all the stars.
I’m not understanding the insane jump from “you threw me a major setback in my career” to “so you’re going to be my knot-slave for the foreseeable future or I’ll toss you to the police because you did something much less revolting than the sexual coercion I’m currently involved in committing,” but I was willing to overlook it because it’s rare to find an Alpha/Alpha relationship that doesn’t make me roll my eyes with all the posturing from the Alpha that sees himself as less of an Alpha for bottoming, but Eliot Grayson did really well with not overdoing Blake’s Alpha attitude or underplaying it. I’m still super confused about why Blake did what he did when he’d never had a history of retaliation like that before, and I feel like Grayson had an easy opportunity to put Walter somewhere in the background that night to affect Blake, but they didn’t take the out.
Now, that said: This book is centered around rape, even though neither MC ever classifies it as such, I believe. The first instance of coercion was uncomfortable, but Blake’s first penetrative sexual experience being rape was something that really got driven home by Blake’s thoughts and the conversation afterward.
*
Would this have been comforting if he’d been someone I liked and trusted? Maybe. But as he’d told me, I’d never find out, so it didn’t matter.
*
“I didn’t think you noticed anything past your own knot.” He went even tenser, and I added, “Bodies respond to physical stimulus. That doesn’t mean I liked it.”
“Do you want me to prove you wrong, or do you want to admit you’re wrong right now and save us both the trouble?” Heat rushed to my cheeks and I went stiff in his arms. Admit I was— But he cut off my gathering tirade by saying, “You know what, never mind. I don’t care if you liked it or not. I didn’t injure you, and you agreed to do this. Beyond that, I don’t give a fuck about your feelings or your virginity or anything else about you.”
*
I stared at the wall, keeping my eyes wide open and unblinking. If I closed them, if I gave them a chance to, they’d start leaking, I knew it. I could feel the moisture right there, all ready to gather and fall.
*
He preferred twiggy twinks with seductive hips. Or at least he was willing to be nice to them, and wouldn’t waste so much as a single kind word on me.
I wanted to curl up and cover my face and pull a blanket over my head. Get in the shower and stay there, sit on the tile with my forehead resting on my knees for a week, or at least until the water ran cold.
But I couldn’t. I had to lie here perfectly still with MacKenna’s knot in me and the rest of his body surrounding me.
The pressure of his hand on my chest started to feel like a ten-ton weight. I couldn’t breathe. The wall had gone all blurry and dim.
This was what I got for being a smart-ass. For asking a question I should’ve known I wouldn’t like the answer to.
Panic bubbled in my chest, filling all the space that should’ve been occupied by oxygen. I had to get away from him. I had to.
*
Jesus Christ, just cleave my chest open and take my heart, Blake. He’s turned basically into a prisoner/sex slave overnight, unable to leave the hotel/casino/room at different intervals, and he’s left alone with his thoughts more often than not. He’s fed lines of “you deserve this because you’re a terrible person and a weak Alpha” from Declan, bookended by the man being kind to others and not him, so he must deserve this… right? Fuck me up, Eliot Grayson, I hate it. (I love it.)
…well, maybe I could convince Declan to give me a chance. A real chance, not the fucked-up blackmail-and-sex-and-occasional-spreadsheets limbo we’d been existing in. Or even just convince him to keep me around as his sex toy. I’d take it. Not too likely that it’d work, but if I held on to that faint idea of a future, it could keep me going.
Excuse me? Excuse me? Ouch. Ohmygod. Ow. And then my boy throws me this heartbreaking garbage:
“I do love you,” I choked out. “Whether or not you can love me, I do. Love you.” The shower hammered down, nearly drowning out the words if he hadn’t had a shifter’s enhanced hearing. I was so glad he was behind me and couldn’t see my face; if I’d had to meet his eyes to say this, I’d never have been able to get it out. I knew I was stumbling over my words anyway, repeating myself, unable to convey the clarity I felt inside. “Maybe I deserved what you did. And— I’ve seen you the way you really are. And I love you. So if you can’t love me, that’s all ri—”
WHAT? WHAT?! So we’re to our supposed HEA, except:
Gods, Declan had wanted to mate me.
Fuck. And he’d changed his mind.
By the time the door of the suite thumped shut behind us, I’d started to hyperventilate so badly my vision blurred.
And:
I’d been so confident, so determined to give Declan a piece of my mind, tell him what I wanted from him. But even if he hadn’t rethought his desire to mate me for any particular reason, knowing that he’d been waffling about this decision for such a long time made me feel so small, so insignificant. So unworthy.
Christ, God, Jesus, Joseph, Mary and the little lamb. It’s just so painful, even when it’s supposed to be the happily ever after, because Blake’s thoughts about himself never change, and Declan never really apologizes or grovels on-page for Blake’s forgiveness, but Blake loves Declan and wants anything Declan will offer to him. It hurts so much, and I love it.
At first, I was a little annoyed by this novel not having alternating POVs just because I’ve grown used to seeing nothing except those in MM romances, but I definitely feel that this would have suffered like a lot of others I’ve read, if it had been done that way. I’d absolutely be down for an entire book in Declan’s POV, if Eliot Grayson ever had the wild desire to fulfill my dreams.
I read the book first to break my heart in print form, then bought the audiobook to let Chris Chambers soothe the pain with his voice. 5/5, 10/10, all the stars.