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A review by danidamico
Know My Name by Chanel Miller
challenging
emotional
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
"This is not the ultimate truth, but it is mine."
"I am a victim, I have no qualms with this word, only with the idea that it is all that I am."
"I didn’t know that money could make the cell doors swing open. I didn’t know that if a woman was drunk when the violence occurred, she wouldn’t be taken seriously. I didn’t know that if he was drunk when the violence occurred, people would offer him sympathy. I didn’t know that my loss of memory would become his opportunity. I didn’t know that being a victim was synonymous with not being believed."
"They seemed angry that I’d made myself vulnerable, more than the fact that he’d acted on my vulnerability."
"There were countless guidelines women had to follow: cover your drink, stick close to others, don’t wear short skirts. Their behavior was the constant, while we were the variable expected to change. When did it become our job to do all the preventing and managing?"
"It bothered me that having a boyfriend and being assaulted should be related, as if I, alone, was not enough."
"I saw the part of me that insisted on surviving."
"Everything I need to get through this, I already have. Everything I need to know I already know. Everything I need to be, I already am."
"The friendly guy who helps you move and assists senior citizens in the pool is the same guy who assaulted me. One person can be capable of both. Society often fails to wrap its head around the fact that these truths often coexist, they are not mutually exclusive. Bad qualities can hide inside a good person. That’s the terrifying part."
"Each time a survivor resurfaced, people were quick to say what does she want, why did it take her so long, why now, why not then, why not faster. But damage does not stick to deadlines. If she emerges, why don’t we ask her how it was possible she lived with that hurt for so long, ask who taught her to never uncover it."
"Victims exist in a society that tells us our purpose is to be an inspiring story. But sometimes the best we can do is tell you we’re still here, and that should be enough."
"This book does not have a happy ending. The happy part is there is no ending, because I’ll always find a way to keep going."
"Hold up your head when the tears come, when you are mocked, insulted, questioned, threatened, when they tell you you are nothing, when your body is reduced to openings. The journey will be longer than you imagined, trauma will find you again and again. Do not become the ones who hurt you. Stay tender with your power. Never fight to injure, fight to uplift. Fight because you know that in this life, you deserve safety, joy, and freedom. Fight because it is your life. Not anyone else’s. I did it, I am here."
"I am a victim, I have no qualms with this word, only with the idea that it is all that I am."
"I didn’t know that money could make the cell doors swing open. I didn’t know that if a woman was drunk when the violence occurred, she wouldn’t be taken seriously. I didn’t know that if he was drunk when the violence occurred, people would offer him sympathy. I didn’t know that my loss of memory would become his opportunity. I didn’t know that being a victim was synonymous with not being believed."
"They seemed angry that I’d made myself vulnerable, more than the fact that he’d acted on my vulnerability."
"There were countless guidelines women had to follow: cover your drink, stick close to others, don’t wear short skirts. Their behavior was the constant, while we were the variable expected to change. When did it become our job to do all the preventing and managing?"
"It bothered me that having a boyfriend and being assaulted should be related, as if I, alone, was not enough."
"I saw the part of me that insisted on surviving."
"Everything I need to get through this, I already have. Everything I need to know I already know. Everything I need to be, I already am."
"The friendly guy who helps you move and assists senior citizens in the pool is the same guy who assaulted me. One person can be capable of both. Society often fails to wrap its head around the fact that these truths often coexist, they are not mutually exclusive. Bad qualities can hide inside a good person. That’s the terrifying part."
"Each time a survivor resurfaced, people were quick to say what does she want, why did it take her so long, why now, why not then, why not faster. But damage does not stick to deadlines. If she emerges, why don’t we ask her how it was possible she lived with that hurt for so long, ask who taught her to never uncover it."
"Victims exist in a society that tells us our purpose is to be an inspiring story. But sometimes the best we can do is tell you we’re still here, and that should be enough."
"This book does not have a happy ending. The happy part is there is no ending, because I’ll always find a way to keep going."
"Hold up your head when the tears come, when you are mocked, insulted, questioned, threatened, when they tell you you are nothing, when your body is reduced to openings. The journey will be longer than you imagined, trauma will find you again and again. Do not become the ones who hurt you. Stay tender with your power. Never fight to injure, fight to uplift. Fight because you know that in this life, you deserve safety, joy, and freedom. Fight because it is your life. Not anyone else’s. I did it, I am here."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Rape, Sexual assault, and Sexual violence
Minor: Drug use and Gun violence