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A review by ashlightgrayson
Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar
challenging
dark
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Listening to this was a stark reminder that some people live in small insulated religious bubbles. I have no doubt that Jill and her siblings grew up feeling very loved by their parents. However, the overprotectiveness that they experienced growing up definitely became suffocating in adulthood. Fundamelist religions typically don't like it when people start asking too many questions or challenging beliefs. Jill got a lot of push back once she started defying the tenets she was raised with. This defiance definitely helped her grow as a person and have the ability to share her experiences through this book, though.
I have qualms with the ethics of signing children up to be on reality shows. It becomes even more problematic when this kids are literally growing up on live television and have little say in how much privacy they get in their own homes. Additionally, it was unreasonable to me that Jills'father was getting all of the proceeds from their reality show without being transparent with them about the finances. Her husband and her weren't compensated for their time on the show and were financially dependent on Jill's father for quite a while. I'm glad that at least Jill found emotional support in her husband. He seems like a great guy based on the way she wrote about him, so good for her.
There is a common thread of creating emotional and financial codependency within fundamentalist religious groups. It's how a lot of them retain members. They create a sense of family that is isolated from the rest of the world, which makes it that much harder to choose to leave. The religious messaging Jill received was overall damaging for her, in my opinion. There is a part of the book where she talks about mustering the courage to wear pants in front of her family. Who knew pants could be so controversial for women? It's so odd from an outside perspective seeing someone have so much guilt associated just with what they choose to wear. She even felt the need to ask her husband his opinion about pants before she even took the dive. It's crazy to think that her family was so hyperfixated on what women were allowed or not allowed to wear, but not on the sexual abuse perpetrated by the church leaders they associated with and their own son. The priorities are just so skewed.
On a more positive note, Jill seems to have found a middle ground that makes her happy when it comes to her beliefs. She has respectfully distanced herself from her parents, which I think was probably the healthiest move. Her husband and her seem to have a common understanding of how they are growing in their personal religious beliefs, which is great for them. I'm happy that she is in a better place with her current family. I just also think it's unfortunate she had to go through so many hurdles to find a sense of independence because of the indoctrination of her parents. This was an interesting read overall. The audiobook is narrated by the author and I am happily able to recommend that version of the book.
I have qualms with the ethics of signing children up to be on reality shows. It becomes even more problematic when this kids are literally growing up on live television and have little say in how much privacy they get in their own homes. Additionally, it was unreasonable to me that Jills'father was getting all of the proceeds from their reality show without being transparent with them about the finances. Her husband and her weren't compensated for their time on the show and were financially dependent on Jill's father for quite a while. I'm glad that at least Jill found emotional support in her husband. He seems like a great guy based on the way she wrote about him, so good for her.
There is a common thread of creating emotional and financial codependency within fundamentalist religious groups. It's how a lot of them retain members. They create a sense of family that is isolated from the rest of the world, which makes it that much harder to choose to leave. The religious messaging Jill received was overall damaging for her, in my opinion. There is a part of the book where she talks about mustering the courage to wear pants in front of her family. Who knew pants could be so controversial for women? It's so odd from an outside perspective seeing someone have so much guilt associated just with what they choose to wear. She even felt the need to ask her husband his opinion about pants before she even took the dive. It's crazy to think that her family was so hyperfixated on what women were allowed or not allowed to wear, but not on the sexual abuse perpetrated by the church leaders they associated with and their own son. The priorities are just so skewed.
On a more positive note, Jill seems to have found a middle ground that makes her happy when it comes to her beliefs. She has respectfully distanced herself from her parents, which I think was probably the healthiest move. Her husband and her seem to have a common understanding of how they are growing in their personal religious beliefs, which is great for them. I'm happy that she is in a better place with her current family. I just also think it's unfortunate she had to go through so many hurdles to find a sense of independence because of the indoctrination of her parents. This was an interesting read overall. The audiobook is narrated by the author and I am happily able to recommend that version of the book.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Religious bigotry, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment, Toxic relationship, and Sexism