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A review by estheria
Vagina Problems: Endometriosis, Painful Sex, and Other Taboo Topics by Lara Parker
5.0
Medical particulars aside, of all the stuff I've read on the subject, this is the piece that says it all, everything I want people to know. The insanity of trying to resolve pelvic pain, the paranoia about eating and acting perfectly to prevent flares, the private torture, the grief over a lost life, the social obsolescence, all of it is here. This book was both incredibly difficult to read and incredibly cathartic. I've never felt driven to finish a book while also having to break over and over to weather it.
I feel so validated in my experience after reading this, especially in the endless battle with my behavior. I knew very well that what my pain wants me to do to keep it at a low level requires a superhuman amount of self-discipline. But when I see someone else go through the exact same struggle, I grok how stupid-hard it is. And the whole concept that people without chronic illness don't have to walk that tightrope? That if they fail to stick to a diet, they don't risk marooning themselves due to pain that literally immobilizes them??? That they get to pursue all their everyday and lifelong desires and ambitions without fighting constantly for a fundamental balance???? I don't know why I never think of it that way, but now that I have some perspective, the fact that I do as well as I do while also working and accomplishing other things seems impossible. Yet I do it. Maybe this is where self-trust begins???
Lara says she's come to grips with not behaving perfectly to avoid flares. I'm not there yet. Flares are scary, and I still heap guilt on myself every time I do something that exacerbates my pain. I'm hoping her take helps me find compassion for myself. Though honestly, the fear is a huge motivator. You really do panic just thinking about it, just like she describes.
This book is mostly tell rather than show and it can be repetitive, so I have no idea if people without chronic pain will connect with it. But it's not for others. It's for us.
I feel so validated in my experience after reading this, especially in the endless battle with my behavior. I knew very well that what my pain wants me to do to keep it at a low level requires a superhuman amount of self-discipline. But when I see someone else go through the exact same struggle, I grok how stupid-hard it is. And the whole concept that people without chronic illness don't have to walk that tightrope? That if they fail to stick to a diet, they don't risk marooning themselves due to pain that literally immobilizes them??? That they get to pursue all their everyday and lifelong desires and ambitions without fighting constantly for a fundamental balance???? I don't know why I never think of it that way, but now that I have some perspective, the fact that I do as well as I do while also working and accomplishing other things seems impossible. Yet I do it. Maybe this is where self-trust begins???
Lara says she's come to grips with not behaving perfectly to avoid flares. I'm not there yet. Flares are scary, and I still heap guilt on myself every time I do something that exacerbates my pain. I'm hoping her take helps me find compassion for myself. Though honestly, the fear is a huge motivator. You really do panic just thinking about it, just like she describes.
This book is mostly tell rather than show and it can be repetitive, so I have no idea if people without chronic pain will connect with it. But it's not for others. It's for us.