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A review by deena_
The Bride Test by Helen Hoang
3.0
3.65 ★ stars.
Why rom-com books are so hard to rate? I actually feel like crying right now. It's physically painful to rate it so low; up till the 80% mark, I was so sure this would be a 5 star read, even though I was stuck in indecesion and kept changing my imaginary ratings half the time. It's still sad anyway; this book had so much potential to be one of my favorites of the month.
On an enjoyment scale of 1 to 10, I would rate it a solid 8 and half; that pretty much explains how bad it got me hooked. My hand still itches to turn the next page as if I could will a few more chapters into existence. The story had an awful lot of bumps, I tripped over or almost caught myself tripping over, an embarrassing amount of times. It wasn't helping that the writing gave it the appearance of a badly translated book, jokes were misplaced and I tracked down random shifts in thoughts and coversations that made little to no sense. With the given theme and tropes, this book could've done so much better and I refuse to settle for anything less.
Sypnosis: Esmeralda Tran knew she was chasing the biggest opportunity of her life when she agreed to cross oceans to play the role of a fiance to Khai Diep─youngest son of a rich family─on his mother's desperate wishes. She didn't think herself fit to be anyone's anything but a summer in America trying to convince the strange yet handsome man that they're the perfect match can't be too hard, not if it gets her more than enough payment and maybe a perfect husband. Never in her wildest dreams, she imagined the near heartless Khai Diep would beak into her heart and leave it in a thousand broken pieces. The worst thing? She let him do it every single time.
Tropes
• Vietnamese culture rep
• Autism rep (MMC is sensitive to touch, has difficulty processing emotions)
• Grumpy x sunshine
• Differences in social status
• Insta attraction 'still deciding if it's UGH or ugh ✨ kind'
• MMC is virgin
• Single mother
• Meddlesome family members playing matchmaker
• One roof and one bed
• Fake engagement trope (arranged)
• Boy obsessed
• FMC trying to win over MMC
Thoughts & Character Rants
╰┈➤ Esme
Esme has a naive, ordinary, overly optimistic (gets you wondering what her mother feeds her and where to get that exact same stuff), girl next door vibe to her. She's that one person too nice for their own good and almost impossible to offend, always smiling, always cracking lame jokes (depends who you're comparing it to; either way stands no chance against their mothers) where the only person laughing is her. Don't get fooled by her nice act though because once you manage to get her mad, she's not someone you'd want to deal with; she'd curse your whole existence and wish you food poisoning till you're bed-ridden and wondering what's happening.
[spoiler]
If Esme was in a children's play, she would be a lone tree in the background: medicore, bland, nothing interesting, nothing to serve other than her green eyes and hourglass figure. As a character, she was meh. Her personality started at 0 and stayed at 0 all throughout the book, I'm not even overdoing it. Apparently, her definition of glow-up is to start wearing fancy dresses and stop being ashamed of herself.
— ❝Her origins didn’t define her, but they were a part of her. She refused to be ashamed of them.❞
Only blessing; she wasn't too much irritating to make you say, 'Screw it! I can't do this *dnf' so thank you, I guess?
Exactly when I started to think her character would be a letdown?
To be honest, from the very first chapter. She was as usual doing her day job as a hotel cleaner then this elderly woman who's appearance screams MONEY approaches her and starts asking and offering her all kinds of bullshit like if you come to America with me and trick my son into getting you pregnant, I'll pay you and all.
I was actually so pleased when Esme outright threw a NO at her face and stromed out of that place. I was like YES! PUT ON A FIGHT! who was I kidding? She gets back home, receives a call from an unknown number which turns out to be that same rich woman who tells her that it was a so-called test to see if she agrees. Esme accidentally passed the test and suddenly no one is better suited for her son.
It would've been cute if she and her family brainstormed whether it would be a good idea or not before jumping straight at the offer as if it's normal. At least think twice; you're literally leaving your 5 year old kid home for 3 freaking months to chase after some man!
⚫ How to make a man fall head over heels in love, aunhelpful guide by Esme:
-Mess up their stuffs to get their attention.
-Stop wearing a bra.
-Make sure to abandon pants if possible.
-Wear scandalous clothes and pretend it wasn't on purpose.
-The more accidental flashing, the better.
-Annoy the hell out of them in name of seduction.
-Stink up their place with fish sauce.
-Clean up their lawn even if it's unnecessary.
And Khai's response to this — ❝You’ve been reorganizing my stuff in ridiculous ways, cutting down trees with a meat cleaver, touching that motorcycle, touching me. It all has to stop. I can’t live this way.❞
I'd say I felt bad for her but not really, she had it coming. She had to google search the definition of 'ridiculous'; go figure.
I gave her a free pass only because she hates herself enough for both of us.
She hated her job, she hated that she got pregnant so young and disappointed her family, she hated the shape of her hands, she hated the size of her feet. Maybe she hated that she had a kid too, why else would she hide her kid from her possible future husband and in-laws? She thought they'd find her less appealing if they knew about her kid so she proceeded to just not tell them. She kept lying about her situation till the end cause she was embarrassed by it.
Half the book you'd find her saying
'Oh, he doesn't like me cause I'm not this; he wouldn't marry me cause I'm not that'.
At some point, her useless 'pretending to be someone else' thing became too much. Esme was brought to America so she could help Khai realize that he's capable of love too but the girl didn't know a single thing about his issues. Khai told her he has autism and she was like 'WHAT IS AUTISM?'
Of course she didn't ask that; if she had, she would've gotten an explanation and handled situations accordingly without being overdramatic. Why pay attention to details when we can just break up, stir up trouble, shed tears and all and wait for Khai's older brother to come explain things she should've known from day 1? It took a messy breakup for her to snap out of her delusion that a man would come save her and instead start working on being her own savior GREAT.
╰┈➤ Khai
How to legally adopt him, make him my son and go on crazy bride-hunting quests all across the world to enjoy the drama of the century? For the first time in a while, I found a MMC I'd rather carry around in my pocket everywhere I go (of course if he lets me) to shield him from the shitty world and shitty people who clearly don't deserve to breathe the same air as him; than include him in the book boyfriend list. Adorable energy was oozing out of him and he had no idea. He could just sit in a corner expressing his distaste for social gatherings and I'd still go 'aww'. The urge to reach inside the book and personally strangle whoever made him feel like an outcast is no joke.
[spoiler]
I have no complaints about him, I feel nothing but fierce protectiveness for him. His POVs cracked my heart in two. I hate the way he's so misunderstood and mistreated for being different from others. His own relatives looked at him like he was a nuisance; unlike the precious soul he is. They say — ❝Nothing gets to you. It’s like your heart is made of stone.❞ — just because he can't openly express himself, as if those words don't impact him just as bad. They kept saying those awful things to him and he started believing them, maybe he really is incapable of feeling things.
Look at him! How can you hate him?
He's literally a fluffball; his heart is so beautiful, his thoughts are so beautiful. He just occasionally shuts off everyone cause people can be a pain in the ass and I'd die defending his reasons. His extended family is HUGE; there's only so many anniversaries, birthdays, weddings you can attend before you get fed up. So this — ❝He was ignoring everyone, including her, at this expensive wedding. So he could read a novel about alien demon things.❞ is fully acceptable!
Khai's endearment for Esme got me blushing, giggling, kicking my feet in the air. She was out there vandalizing his lawn, screwing up his schedules, making him as uncomfortable as possible (she seriously had no idea what personal space was), using him as her emotional vent and yet he was so sweet and patient with her, even though at first he fantasized about her leaving him alone.
❝He’d caused that smile. The knowledge sent warmth melting through him, better than a big sweater fresh from the dryer.❞— Doesn't have any feelings? bullshit.
He gets one call from her, hears the word 'hospital' in her half-jumbled verbal mess and immediately runs over.
❝Why did you come?❞ ❝You’re hurt.❞
He carried her to the check-up room, glared at the doctor who tried to flirt with her, bandaged her injured ankle himself, then carried her back home and into his bed.
She didn't know about his issues with touching and assumed he hated her touch, got mad and gave him silent treatment. She scooted all the way over to the edge of the bed so she wouldn't accidentally touch him in her sleep. Yes, she's petty like that. He would think-
❝Sometimes, he worried she’d fall off. Other times, he hoped she’d fall off. So he’d have an excuse to tell her to come closer.❞
She was overreacting about her hands being unpleasant to look at and that they looked like a shoemaker's hand. Khai kissed every single one of her knuckles and told her-
❝I don’t care what these hands do as long as they’re yours.❞
He got panicked everytime she cried or even so much as stopped smiling. He felt so helpless cause he couldn't read her emotions and had no way of knowing what was bothering her.
❝Please, don’t let me make you cry,” “If something is wrong, tell me so I can fix it. Please.❞ #BestMan
╰┈➤ Quan & Michael
The sex ed teachers we never knew we needed. Can we just stop for a second and hand them over the funniest characters of the book award? They were super supportive of Khai and thanks to them, his momentary relationship crisis was solved in 5 minutes. He came to them after he messed up his first time with Esme and wasn't sure what he did wrong and why she was so upset with him. I know that pep talk was supposed to be serious but I couldn't help laughing like what was Quan doing with a book titled 'She comes first' in his bedroom? He even said it was his favourite—I can't. Reading the full series was never my intention but OKAY Michael and Quan are making me want to reconsider.
──═━┈━═──
☑️ [12/11/23] Someone said Vietnamese culture rep, MMC has autism & struggles with emotions, meddlesome mother stepping in to hold her son's relationship reins, FMC helping MMC to believe in love──was a nominee for GR awards.
So here I am. (impulsively picking up another book when i should be sleeping how fun❗)
❝ My heart works in a different way, but it’s yours. You’re my one.❞
Why rom-com books are so hard to rate? I actually feel like crying right now. It's physically painful to rate it so low; up till the 80% mark, I was so sure this would be a 5 star read, even though I was stuck in indecesion and kept changing my imaginary ratings half the time. It's still sad anyway; this book had so much potential to be one of my favorites of the month.
On an enjoyment scale of 1 to 10, I would rate it a solid 8 and half; that pretty much explains how bad it got me hooked. My hand still itches to turn the next page as if I could will a few more chapters into existence. The story had an awful lot of bumps, I tripped over or almost caught myself tripping over, an embarrassing amount of times. It wasn't helping that the writing gave it the appearance of a badly translated book, jokes were misplaced and I tracked down random shifts in thoughts and coversations that made little to no sense. With the given theme and tropes, this book could've done so much better and I refuse to settle for anything less.
Sypnosis: Esmeralda Tran knew she was chasing the biggest opportunity of her life when she agreed to cross oceans to play the role of a fiance to Khai Diep─youngest son of a rich family─on his mother's desperate wishes. She didn't think herself fit to be anyone's anything but a summer in America trying to convince the strange yet handsome man that they're the perfect match can't be too hard, not if it gets her more than enough payment and maybe a perfect husband. Never in her wildest dreams, she imagined the near heartless Khai Diep would beak into her heart and leave it in a thousand broken pieces. The worst thing? She let him do it every single time.
Tropes
• Vietnamese culture rep
• Autism rep (MMC is sensitive to touch, has difficulty processing emotions)
• Grumpy x sunshine
• Differences in social status
• Insta attraction 'still deciding if it's UGH or ugh ✨ kind'
• MMC is virgin
• Single mother
• Meddlesome family members playing matchmaker
• One roof and one bed
• Fake engagement trope (arranged)
• Boy obsessed
• FMC trying to win over MMC
Thoughts & Character Rants
╰┈➤ Esme
➴ She didn’t need a rich man. She just needed someone who was hers.
➴ He was a puzzle she never would have been able to solve if he hadn’t shown her how. Those were the best kinds of puzzles, though, weren’t they? The ones no one else could figure out?
➴ She hugged him tighter. He was bigger and stronger, but she would protect him with everything she had.
Esme has a naive, ordinary, overly optimistic (gets you wondering what her mother feeds her and where to get that exact same stuff), girl next door vibe to her. She's that one person too nice for their own good and almost impossible to offend, always smiling, always cracking lame jokes (depends who you're comparing it to; either way stands no chance against their mothers) where the only person laughing is her. Don't get fooled by her nice act though because once you manage to get her mad, she's not someone you'd want to deal with; she'd curse your whole existence and wish you food poisoning till you're bed-ridden and wondering what's happening.
[spoiler]
If Esme was in a children's play, she would be a lone tree in the background: medicore, bland, nothing interesting, nothing to serve other than her green eyes and hourglass figure. As a character, she was meh. Her personality started at 0 and stayed at 0 all throughout the book, I'm not even overdoing it. Apparently, her definition of glow-up is to start wearing fancy dresses and stop being ashamed of herself.
— ❝Her origins didn’t define her, but they were a part of her. She refused to be ashamed of them.❞
Only blessing; she wasn't too much irritating to make you say, 'Screw it! I can't do this *dnf' so thank you, I guess?
Exactly when I started to think her character would be a letdown?
To be honest, from the very first chapter. She was as usual doing her day job as a hotel cleaner then this elderly woman who's appearance screams MONEY approaches her and starts asking and offering her all kinds of bullshit like if you come to America with me and trick my son into getting you pregnant, I'll pay you and all.
I was actually so pleased when Esme outright threw a NO at her face and stromed out of that place. I was like YES! PUT ON A FIGHT! who was I kidding? She gets back home, receives a call from an unknown number which turns out to be that same rich woman who tells her that it was a so-called test to see if she agrees. Esme accidentally passed the test and suddenly no one is better suited for her son.
It would've been cute if she and her family brainstormed whether it would be a good idea or not before jumping straight at the offer as if it's normal. At least think twice; you're literally leaving your 5 year old kid home for 3 freaking months to chase after some man!
⚫ How to make a man fall head over heels in love, a
-Mess up their stuffs to get their attention.
-Stop wearing a bra.
-Make sure to abandon pants if possible.
-Wear scandalous clothes and pretend it wasn't on purpose.
-The more accidental flashing, the better.
-Annoy the hell out of them in name of seduction.
-Stink up their place with fish sauce.
-Clean up their lawn even if it's unnecessary.
And Khai's response to this — ❝You’ve been reorganizing my stuff in ridiculous ways, cutting down trees with a meat cleaver, touching that motorcycle, touching me. It all has to stop. I can’t live this way.❞
I'd say I felt bad for her but not really, she had it coming. She had to google search the definition of 'ridiculous'; go figure.
I gave her a free pass only because she hates herself enough for both of us.
She hated her job, she hated that she got pregnant so young and disappointed her family, she hated the shape of her hands, she hated the size of her feet. Maybe she hated that she had a kid too, why else would she hide her kid from her possible future husband and in-laws? She thought they'd find her less appealing if they knew about her kid so she proceeded to just not tell them. She kept lying about her situation till the end cause she was embarrassed by it.
Half the book you'd find her saying
'Oh, he doesn't like me cause I'm not this; he wouldn't marry me cause I'm not that'.
At some point, her useless 'pretending to be someone else' thing became too much. Esme was brought to America so she could help Khai realize that he's capable of love too but the girl didn't know a single thing about his issues. Khai told her he has autism and she was like 'WHAT IS AUTISM?'
Of course she didn't ask that; if she had, she would've gotten an explanation and handled situations accordingly without being overdramatic. Why pay attention to details when we can just break up, stir up trouble, shed tears and all and wait for Khai's older brother to come explain things she should've known from day 1? It took a messy breakup for her to snap out of her delusion that a man would come save her and instead start working on being her own savior GREAT.
╰┈➤ Khai
➴ The people around him usually wanted—for him to act differently, more appropriate, more intuitive, more considerate, less eccentric, less … himself. Did she really not mind him as he was?
➴ She’d come to find him again. No one ever looked for him. They all knew he wanted to be alone. Except it wasn’t always that way.
➴ Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight. Right then and there, Khai decided green was his favorite color, but it had to be this specific shade of seafoam green.
➴ There were an infinite number of reasons to exist on this earth, but that seemed the most important of them all—making Esme happy.
How to legally adopt him, make him my son and go on crazy bride-hunting quests all across the world to enjoy the drama of the century? For the first time in a while, I found a MMC I'd rather carry around in my pocket everywhere I go (of course if he lets me) to shield him from the shitty world and shitty people who clearly don't deserve to breathe the same air as him; than include him in the book boyfriend list. Adorable energy was oozing out of him and he had no idea. He could just sit in a corner expressing his distaste for social gatherings and I'd still go 'aww'. The urge to reach inside the book and personally strangle whoever made him feel like an outcast is no joke.
[spoiler]
I have no complaints about him, I feel nothing but fierce protectiveness for him. His POVs cracked my heart in two. I hate the way he's so misunderstood and mistreated for being different from others. His own relatives looked at him like he was a nuisance; unlike the precious soul he is. They say — ❝Nothing gets to you. It’s like your heart is made of stone.❞ — just because he can't openly express himself, as if those words don't impact him just as bad. They kept saying those awful things to him and he started believing them, maybe he really is incapable of feeling things.
Look at him! How can you hate him?
He's literally a fluffball; his heart is so beautiful, his thoughts are so beautiful. He just occasionally shuts off everyone cause people can be a pain in the ass and I'd die defending his reasons. His extended family is HUGE; there's only so many anniversaries, birthdays, weddings you can attend before you get fed up. So this — ❝He was ignoring everyone, including her, at this expensive wedding. So he could read a novel about alien demon things.❞ is fully acceptable!
Khai's endearment for Esme got me blushing, giggling, kicking my feet in the air. She was out there vandalizing his lawn, screwing up his schedules, making him as uncomfortable as possible (she seriously had no idea what personal space was), using him as her emotional vent and yet he was so sweet and patient with her, even though at first he fantasized about her leaving him alone.
❝He’d caused that smile. The knowledge sent warmth melting through him, better than a big sweater fresh from the dryer.❞— Doesn't have any feelings? bullshit.
He gets one call from her, hears the word 'hospital' in her half-jumbled verbal mess and immediately runs over.
❝Why did you come?❞ ❝You’re hurt.❞
He carried her to the check-up room, glared at the doctor who tried to flirt with her, bandaged her injured ankle himself, then carried her back home and into his bed.
She didn't know about his issues with touching and assumed he hated her touch, got mad and gave him silent treatment. She scooted all the way over to the edge of the bed so she wouldn't accidentally touch him in her sleep. Yes, she's petty like that. He would think-
❝Sometimes, he worried she’d fall off. Other times, he hoped she’d fall off. So he’d have an excuse to tell her to come closer.❞
She was overreacting about her hands being unpleasant to look at and that they looked like a shoemaker's hand. Khai kissed every single one of her knuckles and told her-
❝I don’t care what these hands do as long as they’re yours.❞
He got panicked everytime she cried or even so much as stopped smiling. He felt so helpless cause he couldn't read her emotions and had no way of knowing what was bothering her.
❝Please, don’t let me make you cry,” “If something is wrong, tell me so I can fix it. Please.❞ #BestMan
╰┈➤ Quan & Michael
The sex ed teachers we never knew we needed. Can we just stop for a second and hand them over the funniest characters of the book award? They were super supportive of Khai and thanks to them, his momentary relationship crisis was solved in 5 minutes. He came to them after he messed up his first time with Esme and wasn't sure what he did wrong and why she was so upset with him. I know that pep talk was supposed to be serious but I couldn't help laughing like what was Quan doing with a book titled 'She comes first' in his bedroom? He even said it was his favourite—I can't. Reading the full series was never my intention but OKAY Michael and Quan are making me want to reconsider.
──═━┈━═──
☑️ [12/11/23] Someone said Vietnamese culture rep, MMC has autism & struggles with emotions, meddlesome mother stepping in to hold her son's relationship reins, FMC helping MMC to believe in love──was a nominee for GR awards.
So here I am. (impulsively picking up another book when i should be sleeping how fun❗)