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A review by poultrymunitions
Call Me By Your Name - Screenplay by André Aciman, James Ivory
4.0
A/N 03/18: i did this. and like all my public mistakes, erasing the evidence of it won't erase the consequences.
it stays.
as much to remind me how it happened as to accept that it did at all.
little intimacies.
of the many, many aspects of this book that resonated with us, one in particular was the basis of an interesting exchange between me and author santino hassell.
that exchange is excerpted below.
SH: what do you think so far
JAG: i like it. it's very good at being what i think of as authentic teen gay boy POV
SH: it reminds me of something
JAG: it reminds me of a lot of things
SH: the parts where he's talking about how hot and cold the love interest dude gets
JAG: yes, with his facial expression
SH: yeah
JAG: that, specifically that. i've been there. with someone like that. it's a little scary. and then you understand them and it stops being scary, sometimes
SH: yes. i had a friend like that. when i was a kid. i thought i was in love with him but he was straight
JAG: i was thinking of the exact same thing. i had the exact same thing. a friend, when i was a teen. he'd be warm and affectionate and then his face would go cold like i was a stranger
SH: yes. that's how my friend was. i think he suspected i wanted him. he didn't know how to feel about it
JAG: that's what that scene in the book is about. they realize you have deeper feelings and they don't know how to deal, and then their face goes fucked, in this moment of vulnerability. they can't hide the panic or the revulsion
SH: yes
JAG: and it looks like that
SH: yes
JAG: because straight dudes can feel warm affection for you too, obviously. and for a moment—with some of them—they feel... when they realize you want them, they feel that their affection has left them exposed. like their affection has been abused
SH: that's exactly what my friend acted like. like all the times we'd been close, i'd taken advantage of him. he suspected me. and then he found out when he caught me and another boy fooling around in the locker rooms. found out that i really was bi. and then he knew he'd been right about me, and didn't know how to handle it
JAG: in the book, i recognized it right away. that feeling of ...recoiling
SH: yes
JAG: of resentment. it looks like that
SH: that was... a horrible experience
JAG: it happened to me too. i wonder if it happens to every queer person
SH: i wonder the same thing
JAG: like imagine you're a girl, you have your best girl friends, going to the bathroom together, secrets, sharing lipstick...
SH: yeah
JAG: little intimacies. and then you tell your girlfriends you're queer and they remember all those times, all those intimacies
SH: that's what happened with him, with my friend. he listed all of these things and acted like i'd manipulated something to make those things happen, or like i'd taken advantage of opportunities
JAG: instead of it being about basic humanity, about you being the same person you always were, it was about... about whatever
SH: he made me cry like a bitch
JAG: i'm sorry
SH: i even apologized. even though i hadn't done anything. because i didn't want him to hate me. but he did anyways
JAG: that's fucked. and i know exactly what that's like
SH: yea?
JAG: the first time i ever cried in public was when he told me he didn't want to be my friend. it's a thing that sticks with you. and i... turned into a different person, after that
SH: i'd never been rejected as an entire person because i was bi, before
JAG: i lost all my friends. because i'd made him #1 and everyone else peripheral. and when he was gone, he took all the rest with him
SH: if we smoked he refused to hit the same pipe. before he found out. he was on to me. i don't hide my feelings very well, on my face
JAG: kids feel things with everything. you loved him. and that's hard to hide
SH: when we smoked together i kinda got off on how the blunt or the pipe would be kind of damp from his mouth
JAG: i liked that too. my best girl friend would light my cigarette for me like that. like humphrey bogart. and i would feel really good
SH: i always remember that
JAG: me too
SH: he mentioned it. when he was telling me what a horrible person i was. and that's when i started crying
JAG: asshole
SH: actually i think he felt bad. but not bad enough to take it back
JAG: where was this
SH: at school. he saw me fooling around with the other kid and ran away and i chased after him for two blocks
JAG: shit
SH: he came into the locker room and saw, and gave me this look of disgust and hatred, and i followed him. he told me off on the corner. near central park. he was disgusted i was even near him. and that's where i lost it
JAG: my shit happened at school too
SH: where
JAG: in the building. during class. the hall. i wrote him a letter to ask if we could be friends again and gave it to a teacher's assistant who taught in both of our classes to hand it to him the next day. his class was before mine, so the whole day after i felt like i was going to throw up but also full of this crazy hope. and so finally that class rolls around, with the TA i gave my letter to, and she takes me out into the hall with her to give me what he wrote back. she hands me this folded up thing, and it's my own letter
SH: wow
JAG: and the thing is, dude—it was like being crazy, because i'm smelling him just then. because he had this smell, and only he smelled like this, a really, really good smell. and his smell was on this piece of paper in my hand, on my own letter, and she's saying to me "i'm really sorry. he just said no." and that was it. cried my eyes out right there in the hall in front of whomever
SH: people are fucked. like it's a violation
JAG: i think the point is that it feels like one, to them. they panic. and they don't know how to manage things gracefully. and when you're that young, you really don't. and that leads to The Look. it leads to The No.
SH: yea
JAG: whole-person rejection. for stupidity.
SH: you wanna know something weird? before that happened with my friend, i could fool myself into thinking he semi-reciprocated. he seemed to like being close to me
JAG: that is probably not something you imagined. like with my friend... we had this... unspeakable intimacy? little things
SH: yes
JAG: nice things
SH: yes
JAG: like there's this fence. made out of steel poles in the ground and a single chain, like a suspension bridge, behind the bus stop. we'd stand there every day, waiting for the bus. and while we waited he'd try to balance on the chain, like a tightrope walker. and i'd stand near him. like right under him, just casually talking and whatever like i wasn't loving it, loving him touching me, loving his smell. he'd put his hand on me. he'd rest his weight on me. and we'd just stand there doing that. every day
SH: little things like that matter
JAG: yeah. and there were a thousand of them
SH: ...damn this book
JAG: i am mildly peeved at it as well. the nerve, making us remember this shit
SH: whatever
JAG: yeah, whatever
SH: not like it has anything to do with who we are now
JAG: right, no, totally, nothing
SH: real men don't cry
JAG: i have never cried a day in my life
SH: are you going to use any of this in your review
JAG: obviously
SH: if you put the sissy bits in it i will kill you
JAG: not if i kill you first, motherfucker
SH: i said no!!! no means no!!!
JAG: fine, i'll change your name. a pseudonymous random author buddy talking books and queerz
SH: what will you use
JAG: i will be JAG and you will be PAB
SH: wtf is that
JAG: Punk Assed Bitch
SH: you dare
JAG: can't stop me. can't stop my flo
SH: no, i want Gay Chuck Norris
JAG: wut, Flaming Pustule McGee doesn't appeal to you?
SH: i should stab you
you may readsantino hassell gay chuck norris’s review of this book here.
PS added january 23, 2018:
fuck me in the eye do i hate it when straight actors get kudos for playing queer characters.
that's not "brave," you simpering buttmunch, that's your profession.
i'm glad your vacation in the land of the Less Privileged was so critically acclaimed, but those of us out here exiled by our families or beat up in high school gymnasiums don't get to wear tuxedoes and tell the macabre fucks on entertainment tonight about our exciting growth as actors.
and to be perfectly frank, while i don't know timothy chalamet from a hole in the wall, me and armie hammer go way back—and so i feel led to clarify at this juncture that while i would still happily climb that man like a tree if he managed to keep himself in that doofily sexy, subvocal grunting range of human elocution, i nevertheless simply cannot with him and his comments about having to "pray on it" and ask his wife whether it would be "okay to play a gay man" in a movie.
cannot.
no puedo.
*rude gesture*
it stays.
as much to remind me how it happened as to accept that it did at all.
little intimacies.
of the many, many aspects of this book that resonated with us, one in particular was the basis of an interesting exchange between me and author santino hassell.
that exchange is excerpted below.
SH: what do you think so far
JAG: i like it. it's very good at being what i think of as authentic teen gay boy POV
SH: it reminds me of something
JAG: it reminds me of a lot of things
SH: the parts where he's talking about how hot and cold the love interest dude gets
JAG: yes, with his facial expression
SH: yeah
JAG: that, specifically that. i've been there. with someone like that. it's a little scary. and then you understand them and it stops being scary, sometimes
SH: yes. i had a friend like that. when i was a kid. i thought i was in love with him but he was straight
JAG: i was thinking of the exact same thing. i had the exact same thing. a friend, when i was a teen. he'd be warm and affectionate and then his face would go cold like i was a stranger
SH: yes. that's how my friend was. i think he suspected i wanted him. he didn't know how to feel about it
JAG: that's what that scene in the book is about. they realize you have deeper feelings and they don't know how to deal, and then their face goes fucked, in this moment of vulnerability. they can't hide the panic or the revulsion
SH: yes
JAG: and it looks like that
SH: yes
JAG: because straight dudes can feel warm affection for you too, obviously. and for a moment—with some of them—they feel... when they realize you want them, they feel that their affection has left them exposed. like their affection has been abused
SH: that's exactly what my friend acted like. like all the times we'd been close, i'd taken advantage of him. he suspected me. and then he found out when he caught me and another boy fooling around in the locker rooms. found out that i really was bi. and then he knew he'd been right about me, and didn't know how to handle it
JAG: in the book, i recognized it right away. that feeling of ...recoiling
SH: yes
JAG: of resentment. it looks like that
SH: that was... a horrible experience
JAG: it happened to me too. i wonder if it happens to every queer person
SH: i wonder the same thing
JAG: like imagine you're a girl, you have your best girl friends, going to the bathroom together, secrets, sharing lipstick...
SH: yeah
JAG: little intimacies. and then you tell your girlfriends you're queer and they remember all those times, all those intimacies
SH: that's what happened with him, with my friend. he listed all of these things and acted like i'd manipulated something to make those things happen, or like i'd taken advantage of opportunities
JAG: instead of it being about basic humanity, about you being the same person you always were, it was about... about whatever
SH: he made me cry like a bitch
JAG: i'm sorry
SH: i even apologized. even though i hadn't done anything. because i didn't want him to hate me. but he did anyways
JAG: that's fucked. and i know exactly what that's like
SH: yea?
JAG: the first time i ever cried in public was when he told me he didn't want to be my friend. it's a thing that sticks with you. and i... turned into a different person, after that
SH: i'd never been rejected as an entire person because i was bi, before
JAG: i lost all my friends. because i'd made him #1 and everyone else peripheral. and when he was gone, he took all the rest with him
SH: if we smoked he refused to hit the same pipe. before he found out. he was on to me. i don't hide my feelings very well, on my face
JAG: kids feel things with everything. you loved him. and that's hard to hide
SH: when we smoked together i kinda got off on how the blunt or the pipe would be kind of damp from his mouth
JAG: i liked that too. my best girl friend would light my cigarette for me like that. like humphrey bogart. and i would feel really good
SH: i always remember that
JAG: me too
SH: he mentioned it. when he was telling me what a horrible person i was. and that's when i started crying
JAG: asshole
SH: actually i think he felt bad. but not bad enough to take it back
JAG: where was this
SH: at school. he saw me fooling around with the other kid and ran away and i chased after him for two blocks
JAG: shit
SH: he came into the locker room and saw, and gave me this look of disgust and hatred, and i followed him. he told me off on the corner. near central park. he was disgusted i was even near him. and that's where i lost it
JAG: my shit happened at school too
SH: where
JAG: in the building. during class. the hall. i wrote him a letter to ask if we could be friends again and gave it to a teacher's assistant who taught in both of our classes to hand it to him the next day. his class was before mine, so the whole day after i felt like i was going to throw up but also full of this crazy hope. and so finally that class rolls around, with the TA i gave my letter to, and she takes me out into the hall with her to give me what he wrote back. she hands me this folded up thing, and it's my own letter
SH: wow
JAG: and the thing is, dude—it was like being crazy, because i'm smelling him just then. because he had this smell, and only he smelled like this, a really, really good smell. and his smell was on this piece of paper in my hand, on my own letter, and she's saying to me "i'm really sorry. he just said no." and that was it. cried my eyes out right there in the hall in front of whomever
SH: people are fucked. like it's a violation
JAG: i think the point is that it feels like one, to them. they panic. and they don't know how to manage things gracefully. and when you're that young, you really don't. and that leads to The Look. it leads to The No.
SH: yea
JAG: whole-person rejection. for stupidity.
SH: you wanna know something weird? before that happened with my friend, i could fool myself into thinking he semi-reciprocated. he seemed to like being close to me
JAG: that is probably not something you imagined. like with my friend... we had this... unspeakable intimacy? little things
SH: yes
JAG: nice things
SH: yes
JAG: like there's this fence. made out of steel poles in the ground and a single chain, like a suspension bridge, behind the bus stop. we'd stand there every day, waiting for the bus. and while we waited he'd try to balance on the chain, like a tightrope walker. and i'd stand near him. like right under him, just casually talking and whatever like i wasn't loving it, loving him touching me, loving his smell. he'd put his hand on me. he'd rest his weight on me. and we'd just stand there doing that. every day
SH: little things like that matter
JAG: yeah. and there were a thousand of them
SH: ...damn this book
JAG: i am mildly peeved at it as well. the nerve, making us remember this shit
SH: whatever
JAG: yeah, whatever
SH: not like it has anything to do with who we are now
JAG: right, no, totally, nothing
SH: real men don't cry
JAG: i have never cried a day in my life
SH: are you going to use any of this in your review
JAG: obviously
SH: if you put the sissy bits in it i will kill you
JAG: not if i kill you first, motherfucker
SH: i said no!!! no means no!!!
JAG: fine, i'll change your name. a pseudonymous random author buddy talking books and queerz
SH: what will you use
JAG: i will be JAG and you will be PAB
SH: wtf is that
JAG: Punk Assed Bitch
SH: you dare
JAG: can't stop me. can't stop my flo
SH: no, i want Gay Chuck Norris
JAG: wut, Flaming Pustule McGee doesn't appeal to you?
SH: i should stab you
you may read
PS added january 23, 2018:
fuck me in the eye do i hate it when straight actors get kudos for playing queer characters.
that's not "brave," you simpering buttmunch, that's your profession.
i'm glad your vacation in the land of the Less Privileged was so critically acclaimed, but those of us out here exiled by our families or beat up in high school gymnasiums don't get to wear tuxedoes and tell the macabre fucks on entertainment tonight about our exciting growth as actors.
and to be perfectly frank, while i don't know timothy chalamet from a hole in the wall, me and armie hammer go way back—and so i feel led to clarify at this juncture that while i would still happily climb that man like a tree if he managed to keep himself in that doofily sexy, subvocal grunting range of human elocution, i nevertheless simply cannot with him and his comments about having to "pray on it" and ask his wife whether it would be "okay to play a gay man" in a movie.
cannot.
no puedo.
*rude gesture*