A review by sarahs_spoilers
Not My Match by Ilsa Madden-Mills

4.0

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
1-2: Why did I waste my time?
2-3: Meh. Not terrible, I guess.  
3-4: Solid effort! 
4-5: So very, very good. 
5: Love. LOVE. Favorite!

🌶️🌶️ .5
1-2: No spice 😚
2-3: A smidge of spicy 😘
3-4: Booktok levels spice 🤭
4-5: Fidgety Kitty 🤯
5: Debauched smut 💦
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  • Football player x Nerdy Girl
  • Virgin/Sexy Times Tutor
  • Forced Proximity/Roommates
  • Slow burn

  • Giselle is a quirky bird - writing an alien romance, has a smashing-anger barn, BFF with 80 yo neighbor, dyes hair blue
  • Giselle was cheated on by her BF (who she could never get it going for - virgin!)
  • Devon is a pro football player who is supposed to “keep an eye” on Giselle, the Virgin, as per Jack her brother-in-law; Dad is a drinker and gambler and owes ppl money
  • Bad luck birthday - this year, her apartment was ruined bc of a fire - moved in with Devon
  • Devon had wanted Giselle for months but she was with someone else/She’s wanted him since college and always watched his games
  • Devon wingmans got her and gets super jealous of her dates
  • Giselle’s mothers meal prayer 😂
  • Multiverse conversation under his star-filled skylight 🥰
  • Aiden hitting on Giselle to push Devon’s buttons 😂
  • Pregnancy scare that makes her realize she wants forever with Devon

  • Devon was hesitant of love bc of a failed relationship SEVEN years ago 
  • First sex scene at 75%

“I hope a shark takes his throwing arm right off.” Jesus.

“It pays to keep an open mind, but not so open your brains fall out,” I quote. She lifts up on her elbow and stares at me. “Carl Sagan?” “‘For small creatures such as we, the vastness is only bearable with love.’ Sagan again.”

“Oh, Devon. You are the best person in all my universes.”

“Dear Heavenly Father…Mothers are the pillars of generations to come, which brings me to my daughter Elena and her husband, Jack. Please make her fertile and give them babies to populate the earth. Lord, I need grandchildren in my life to fill the empty places.

Lord, give special attention to my sweet Giselle, who recently got a book agent when I spent thousands of dollars to send her to college to be a scientist. She’s writing romance about aliens. Dear Lord, I’m sure there’s no extramarital sex in it. She would never do that. Please, Father, let her finish her doctorate. I’ve invested enough money to retire in Boca, and I don’t want it to go to waste.

For Devon, Lord, we ask that you bless his football season along with Jack. I’ve never seen a team that needs a Super Bowl more. They’ve come in second the last two years, and it’s embarrassing for them. Help them be fast and quick and defeat their opponents with the vengeance of your mighty angels.

Lord, be with Devon and Giselle. Forgive them for living together before marriage. She assures me they are not having sex. You know her heart and his. Help them as they date. Give him patience and gentleness. He will need it. Also give him the perseverance to not be tempted by her. Keep her chaste and sweet until the day she walks down the aisle.

Finally, Father, bless my sister. She’s in love with a man years younger than her and is scared to tell us, when the whole town already knows he sneaks in her back door every night. I pray she sees the light and makes an honest man of Scotty—who isn’t here because she won’t invite him. Amen.”

“I’d be nothing but a shadow of who I am if I left you,” I whisper.