A review by kenzieburns
This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel

emotional funny inspiring sad medium-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? A mix
  • Strong character development? Yes
  • Loveable characters? It's complicated
  • Diverse cast of characters? Yes
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

This. BOOK. Frankel had me hooked from the very beginning. For starters, I love how her voice comes through in her writing, and the humor she brings to each scene. There were several times I laughed out loud at Poppy's musings, Rosie's practical-to-the-point-of-impractical thinking, and Penn's threads of stories. I also fell in LOVE with all the characters in this book, even when they were being very unlovable! I think Frankel did an outstanding job developing Rosie and Penn's characters. When they were at odds with each other over how to best approach Claude and Poppy, I found myself at once agreeing with them both and disagreeing with them both and just really appreciating the complexities of their characters, the decisions they had to make, and how they approached life as individuals and as a unit. I also think Frankel excelled at writing the intricacies of family dynamics, particularly the unique dynamics that are present when a child is queer/trans. I wasn't shocked when
Roo made the homophobic video, as it seemed like that was what was being set up in his character to do, what with being the only one who didn't want to move and all. But when it wasn't actually a homophobic video, but instead had a deeper, more profound meaning that was just obscured, my heart sang and I cried a little bit.
And every time Ben was beside himself with worry over Claude, I nearly cried. And when Claude was the "one thing" Ben wanted to throw all his worry into, I lost it. AND HIS "DUDE YOU'RE NOT A BOY" SPEECH!!!! Let's just say I spent a very teary bus ride/walk home when I got to that part!

Outside of expertly written characters and relationships, this book was so full of so many important messages, I found myself wanting to pull out paragraphs and store them inside me for safekeeping. I was particularly struck by the role that stories played in this book, especially the theology behind traditional "fairy tales" and how they perpetuate baseless gender roles and societal standards. I loved the way that Penn used stories to redefine the workings of the world for the kids. I also loved that Rosie and Penn themselves represented a reversal of gender roles in the family unit. I think it really added to the complexity of Poppy's situation, because
of course she would have trouble coming out and interacting with the world as trans when her mom and dad already both had so many "masculine" and "feminine" attributes, it would be hard for her to see any real difference.
The only fault I found in this book was the relationship between Rosie and her boss, and how
she and Claude/Poppy went to Thailand. I understand that, in the running away from the issue, everyone realized the things they couldn't live without and things they couldn't run from, and I appreciated the juxtaposition of Claude's school situation with his students, but it felt like a rushed part of the book and didn't seem really necessary.


All in all, this book was amazing, a must-read for anyone and everyone, and one of my new favorites. I don't give 5 stars often, but Frankel knocked it out of the park with this one, and I will definitely be re-reading many, many times.
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