A review by sapphistoire
House of Crimson Hearts: A Steamy Vampire Fantasy Romance by Ruby Roe

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

1.0

This was my first foray into both romantasy as a genre in general and Ruby Roe's work and...it's not looking good for me. This was the January pick for the sapphic book club I am in and it came with very high praise from multiple members who had read it before, so although it was not the book I voted for (justice for Afterlove!) I was pretty excited to read it. However, this turned out to be one of the worst books I have read in a long time. 

The book did not get off to a good start with the dedication which reads "To all the girls who wished Damon Salvatore had boobs… This one is for you". I wish I was joking but unfortunately this book was eyeroll after eyeroll. Following that is a map of the city that the book takes place in which is divided into separate sectors that I was really excited to learn more about, but that is about where the world building ended. In general this seems to be set in a kind of old-timey world where horses and carriages are the main (or only?) form of transport and guards use swords. But at the same time there are also jacuzzies, techno music and vibrating strapless strap-ons? The inconsistencies continue throughout - one of the main characters' sisters works in the church and multiple characters use (endlessly cringey) phrases including "Mother of Blood" and "For Blood's sake", but at other times "Oh my Gods". What is the truth? Furthermore, near the start of the book it is established that dhampirs used to thrive in the world but their power faded them into obscurity when vampires were created. Now, I had to look up what a dhampir was while reading because I had never heard of them, but as I found out, and as is also mentioned late on in the book, dhampirs are half vampire. So how can they exist before vampires exist? There was also no explanation as to why everyone gets horny while drinking blood. I would have thought drinking vampire blood would have made a human more powerful, rather than wanting to constantly have sex while they are on a deadline. 

The sheer lack of, or conflicting, world building was not the only terrible part of the book. One of the worst crimes was the God-awful writing. From the very first page you could tell the author was trying to write very purplish, would-be-big-on-2015-Tumblr prose by looking every second word up in a thesaurus. This alone I could excuse had other aspects of the book been good, but this was made worse by the fact that the word "claret" is used about a million times throughout the book as if it is the only synonym for "red" to exist. This is also joined by the exclusive use of the word "pussy" and the fact that Olivia (or should I say Olivia-fucking-Beaumont as for the first half of the book that is all she is referred to as) smells of oud and winter winds as if that is a genuine scent. The writing is also horrible in the sex scenes, rendering them increasingly eyeroll-worthy. Here is a list of some of the worst contenders: "...what I can only describe as blue balls, only that sounds like the patriarchy. So blue ovaries? Blue pussy? gross."; "Your clit is mine"; Spread your legs princess...I said spread. Your. Legs."; "Hard nub". There was also blood "pissing" out of people on several occasions and the fact that before around 70-80% of sex scenes was Red stabbing Octavia, it just kept on happening. 

On the topic of the sex scenes, though they kept happening over and over (though I appreciated the overall variety in what happened) it truly felt like there was no chemistry between the two main characters. Red in particular I felt was flip flopping back and forth with what she felt for Octavia. Throughout it felt like she hated her and (as mentioned above) was trying to stab her whenever possible. But during one of the sex scenes Octavia says that Red will be the death of her and Red just kinda shrugs it off saying something along the lines of nah, probably not, you're immortal. I thought Red's whole shtick was that she is a vampire hunter and not a handful of pages ago was she telling Octavia that soon all that would be left of her was a tattoo on Red's arm signalling that Red had killed her. There was also next to no emotional development between the characters, just sex, so it felt entirely unbelievable. 

Finally, and definitely the most egregious of sins committed in this book was the weird incesty feeling between characters, the lack of consent of third parties and something just downright gross. Octavia is a member of the ruling vampire family - emphasis on the word family - and has several "siblings", one of whom is Xavier who is described as very handsome and a bit of a player. Throughout Octavia refers to him as her brother or family, despite there being no blood relation, and once near the end tells Red to stop talking about him in a sexual manner because, blood or not, he is her brother. But multiple times throughout the book the two talk about each other having sex - discussions on the one summer they spent together having flings each and every day, Xavier telling Octavia she looks too good to not be having sex, Xavier telling Octavia about who he is going to be fucking that night, but to name a few - and near the end of the book Octavia watches Xavier having sex and after he tells her that he has also had sex with multiple other people before she saw. And she is not disgusted by seeing her brother having sex in front of her????? Are you kidding me??? There is also a scene where Octavia and Red are in a restaurant and Red is using a vibrator controlled by Octavia (she is also naked from the waist down) and while the waiter is taking their order Octavia is touching Red and Red is orgasming while the waiter is there. This was not hot in the slightest and I couldn't stop thinking about the lack of consent of the waiter throughout the whole scene. Finally, near the end a carriage they are in is attached and multiple people end up dying around the carriage, it is described that disembodied limbs are everywhere, and what happens? Octavia and Red have sex in the middle of it all, including spanking???? 

All of this combined, plus more I couldn't cohesively fit into this review made this one of the worst books I have read in a while, maybe even ever, and though I am slightly curious about where the plot is heading since literally nothing was wrapped up in this book, you could not pay me to continue on with this series. I wish I could have DNF-ed this book, and I'm nervous about the book club meeting!