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A review by charspages
Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler
2.0
Dear [b:Why We Broke Up|10798418|Why We Broke Up|Daniel Handler|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1348728685s/10798418.jpg|15293391],
It's not you, it's me.
Okay, maybe it's you.
Man, I remember being thirteen and loving the shit out of this book. I thought it was so unique and cool and artistic. (Thirteen year old me had a lot going for her, okay, but her choice in books has definitely come back to bite her in the ass.)
On a quest to declutter my bookshelves, I unearthed this book with its beautiful title and even more beautiful cover. Like any girl in love, I was head over heels, ready to kose meg (thank you SKAM for teaching me this unparalleled Norwegian expression) with a hot chocolate and this novel.
The honeymoon phase was over quick, and instead of eternal bliss, I found a divorce.
I am divorcing this book because it has no discernible plot, setting, or literally anything else that makes a novel worthwhile. The profound prose was nothing but profoundly pretentious. The characters were flat and unlikable.
I feel so betrayed. The concept of the story, and the illustrations that accompany it, are still super good. The art work is executed brilliantly.
The storyline, however, is not.
Instead of the tale of romance and heartache that I was promised, I got a mildly confusing array of letters that use the words "and whatnot" in this exact combination at least twelve times on the first ninety pages. This was about as satisfying as the Game of Thrones-season eight resolution for Azor Ahai.
The characters were even worse: Min's entire personality seems to be a livefeed of IMDB updates on old-school movies. Ed doesn't have a personality, and if he shows signs of developing one, it's the most entitled, annoying fuckboy ever.
There could have been great diversity in this book, with Min being a Jewish protagonist (and whatnot.) Instead, there was this:
"'It's as gay as that.'
'What? Don't - math's not gay.'
'It is, kind of.'
'Was Einstein gay?'
'He had gay hair.'"
I mean, I don't even get the point of this conversation. Is this supposed to be funny?
and this:
"'Fresh flowers, you're talking about, and you think Al is gay.'
You blushed, a dashing red on both cheeks like I'd slapped you around. 'This is what I mean,' you said. 'You're smart, you talk smart.'"
I didn't know calling everything gay like it's an insult is the minimum requirement to be smart, and that gays owned the flower industry. Who knew.
Gays, be with me when we take over florists and flower shops and the Keukenhof in the Netherlands. They're ours by birth right.
and also this:
"'You see, that's another thing. I can't tell. You're a different girl than usual, no offense Min, oops, sorry.'
'What are the other girls like,' I said, 'when they get mad?'
You sighed and handled your hair like it was a baseball cap you wanted to turn around. 'Well, they don't kiss me like we were. I mean, they don't anyway, but then they stop when they're mad and won't talk and fold their arms, like a pouty thing, stand with their friends.'
'And what do you do?'
'Get them flowers.'
'That's expensive.'
'Yeah, well, that's another thing. They wouldn't have bought the tickets like you did, for the movie. I pay for everything, or else we have a fight and I get them flowers again.'
I liked, I admit, that we didn't pretend there hadn't been other girls. There was always a girl on you in the halls at school, like they came free with a backpack."
Whiny sad boy is sad because he thinks all approximately 3.5 billion girls on planet earth will not talk to him when they're mad and also they are all the exact same. Newsflash, whiny sad boy: I am mad at this utterly horrible portrayal of women on the whole.
Also, fuck Min for comparing girls to "free items that come with a backpack". The misogyny in this is really trying to battle the homophobia for dominance, huh?
The only valuable sentence that came from this book is, in all likelihood, this one:
"'Stop saying no offense,' I said, 'when you say offensive things. It's not a free pass.'"
Other than that, this book is just an accumulation of Daniel Handler's favorite movies. If I were interested in them, I would have saved myself some time and checked his Facebook page.
Overall, I DNF this reread on page 85 (out of 354) because I was bored, I didn't like it, and I just could not be bothered.
We're done, Why We Broke Up. And no, we can't stay friends.
It's not you, it's me.
Okay, maybe it's you.
Man, I remember being thirteen and loving the shit out of this book. I thought it was so unique and cool and artistic. (Thirteen year old me had a lot going for her, okay, but her choice in books has definitely come back to bite her in the ass.)
On a quest to declutter my bookshelves, I unearthed this book with its beautiful title and even more beautiful cover. Like any girl in love, I was head over heels, ready to kose meg (thank you SKAM for teaching me this unparalleled Norwegian expression) with a hot chocolate and this novel.
The honeymoon phase was over quick, and instead of eternal bliss, I found a divorce.
I am divorcing this book because it has no discernible plot, setting, or literally anything else that makes a novel worthwhile. The profound prose was nothing but profoundly pretentious. The characters were flat and unlikable.
I feel so betrayed. The concept of the story, and the illustrations that accompany it, are still super good. The art work is executed brilliantly.
The storyline, however, is not.
Instead of the tale of romance and heartache that I was promised, I got a mildly confusing array of letters that use the words "and whatnot" in this exact combination at least twelve times on the first ninety pages. This was about as satisfying as the Game of Thrones-season eight resolution for Azor Ahai.
The characters were even worse: Min's entire personality seems to be a livefeed of IMDB updates on old-school movies. Ed doesn't have a personality, and if he shows signs of developing one, it's the most entitled, annoying fuckboy ever.
There could have been great diversity in this book, with Min being a Jewish protagonist (and whatnot.) Instead, there was this:
"'It's as gay as that.'
'What? Don't - math's not gay.'
'It is, kind of.'
'Was Einstein gay?'
'He had gay hair.'"
I mean, I don't even get the point of this conversation. Is this supposed to be funny?
and this:
"'Fresh flowers, you're talking about, and you think Al is gay.'
You blushed, a dashing red on both cheeks like I'd slapped you around. 'This is what I mean,' you said. 'You're smart, you talk smart.'"
I didn't know calling everything gay like it's an insult is the minimum requirement to be smart, and that gays owned the flower industry. Who knew.
Gays, be with me when we take over florists and flower shops and the Keukenhof in the Netherlands. They're ours by birth right.
and also this:
"'You see, that's another thing. I can't tell. You're a different girl than usual, no offense Min, oops, sorry.'
'What are the other girls like,' I said, 'when they get mad?'
You sighed and handled your hair like it was a baseball cap you wanted to turn around. 'Well, they don't kiss me like we were. I mean, they don't anyway, but then they stop when they're mad and won't talk and fold their arms, like a pouty thing, stand with their friends.'
'And what do you do?'
'Get them flowers.'
'That's expensive.'
'Yeah, well, that's another thing. They wouldn't have bought the tickets like you did, for the movie. I pay for everything, or else we have a fight and I get them flowers again.'
I liked, I admit, that we didn't pretend there hadn't been other girls. There was always a girl on you in the halls at school, like they came free with a backpack."
Whiny sad boy is sad because he thinks all approximately 3.5 billion girls on planet earth will not talk to him when they're mad and also they are all the exact same. Newsflash, whiny sad boy: I am mad at this utterly horrible portrayal of women on the whole.
Also, fuck Min for comparing girls to "free items that come with a backpack". The misogyny in this is really trying to battle the homophobia for dominance, huh?
The only valuable sentence that came from this book is, in all likelihood, this one:
"'Stop saying no offense,' I said, 'when you say offensive things. It's not a free pass.'"
Other than that, this book is just an accumulation of Daniel Handler's favorite movies. If I were interested in them, I would have saved myself some time and checked his Facebook page.
Overall, I DNF this reread on page 85 (out of 354) because I was bored, I didn't like it, and I just could not be bothered.
We're done, Why We Broke Up. And no, we can't stay friends.