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A review by kaiteayu
I Woke Up Dead at the Mall by Judy Sheehan
1.0
*spoilers*
I've seen a few people who left a one-star review because they DNFed this book, and I was so close to doing the same, but I stuck it out with the audiobook and finished. The lady who was doing the audiobook made it worse but better at the same time. I could get through the book faster than when I was just reading (barely a chapter a night). I would never have known that Barbra has a Scottish accent which was never established in the book… I also LOVE when I hear the awful dialog, ESPECIALLY when someone is yelling. I rushed to my phone to turn down the volume multiple times because there was a lot of unexpected yelling. The book kind of reads like a Disney show but instead of the mindlessness of watching characters act out a situation, I have to fully be in the worse POV I've ever been in. Before I get into the plot, characters, and my overall thoughts on the book, I want to say that I know this book is for high schoolers and, to be more accurate, the ages of 12 to 17. I am 19, and two years ago, I promise I would have still thought this was a poorly written, lacking novel. However, I think that 12-year-old me and possibly 17-year-old would have rated it maybe one star higher. My rating is 1 out of 5 stars.
We learn on page 21 that her dad is rich because he made … plastic lids for Starbucks but not just any lids, "super-big plastic lids." I also concluded that she has a daddy issue on this page, and I was right. On page 27, we learn Sarah has powers and abilities passed down from her mom. That she has now thrown away because her mom died, and she couldn't use them to save her. These powers basically can allow her to know if someone nearby will die so she can save them. And it's apparent it also deems her as "special." But we soon realize that she is far from special and is a privileged rich basic white girl who is extremely uninteresting. I feel she is throwing away her power because she's mad she couldn't save her mom and blames her dad for not being there to help. Through this, she essentially rids herself of the power by ignoring it. But I feel like she's selfish because she purposely blocks out knowing how she can help someone. Her mother also told her to use her powers to help people, so she forgets what her mom stood for? I understand it to an extent, but it also feels like her disappointment with herself is making it where she can't use her gift to SAVE others. Our main character Sarah is, in fact, self-centered, and this goes beyond the previous point. I know the author attempts to humble her later, so we feel like rooting for her, but I can't. She fully believes that her quest to find peace is the most important thing, and the author makes it clear. "Here's what I didn't say: Everybody, please, please stay here and help me because my unfinished business is more important than your unfinished business because mine is mine. So shut up. Sit tight. We're going to wait for my dad and evil Karen." (page 165). While Sarah doesn't say that the support she desperately wants is more important than Nick going to see his alcoholic mother, the reader knows that she thinks she is entitled to other people's time even though it's supposed to be her quest to find peace with herself. Sarah is also extremely judgemental. "I sat down on a bench and watched the mall walkers. The next person to pass by was a woman dressed in an embarrassing Goth Girl outfit. Black hair, lips, nails, clothes, and enough eyeliner to circle the globe. Oh, honey" (page 16). It enrages me that she feels the need to comment rudely on people's looks and style. It's also constantly pointed out that Lacey wears a low-cut dress that causes her "boob to pop out" and Sarah judges her for wearing such an outfit to her OWN funeral. This is mentioned a minimum of three times, and it's even said that Lacey looks twelve with big boobs, which even if they are the same age, why does the main character need to comment on another woman's body and weirdly say she looks almost like a child. "Now, bare-faced, sad and true, she looked like a twelve-year-old heartsick with oversized boobs" (page 109). Another time is when a child is looking at her boobs. And these aren't just any children. It's some weird religious link to, and I'm guessing, Adam and Eve (which I will now be calling them) because a young girl and boy are called "the Boy" and are said to be some type of higher power. "The boy Boy was staring at Lacey's dress. I wasn't sure if it was good or bad that she was wearing such a tight, revealing top" (page 149). And again, Sarah judges another girl's appearance for no reason. Sarah also mentions how basic she is, and because of this, there's no way someone would want to murder her. "This has to be a mistake. No one would ever want to kill me. I wasn't that interesting" (page 21). (She's such a ridiculous character). Sarah also needs to depend on everyone, especially Nick, the love interest. She needs constant reassurance from people she barely knows and doesn't create relationships that I care about. "'Sarah, I know you. I see you, and I know who you are. You worry too much, but you look out for other people. You have a wicked sense of humor that makes me always want to be next to you and hear what you have to say. You're strong, and you're crazy smart. You have music in everything you do,' he said, moving closer. 'and you have a great heart.'" (page 200). Nick and Sarah have not known each other long enough for either of them to make statements like this. They crossed paths when they were alive, but that doesn't change them from knowing each other for a short period. Because if Nick did know Sarah, he'd know that she makes comments and wants to say things to other people only for her benefit. She doesn't care about anyone else but herself and what she wants. It's also apparent that we are told about a person's character, not shown through actions. I don't know when she was smart, not once. When was she nice? Funny? The writing comes across as more annoying than funny after a while. Sarah is not kind to anyone, especially Alice, another dead girl at the mall. On page 74, when Sarah accidentally asks Alice something that will cause her to give us some personal information, she acts all high and mighty for being able to be considerate even though she doesn't care about Alice in the first place. Going back to the previous quote mentioned when Sarah is trying to convince everyone to stay because her situation is "more important." During this time, Lacey and Nick leave to work on their unfinished business. Alice decides to stay and keep Sarah company because she died many centuries ago. Yet Sarah does not thank her and even forgets she was there in the first place because she was making a big deal about Nick leaving. "Alice! I had completely forgotten that she was even there." (page 166). Which shows that she only needs a man. She can't depend on herself or another girl. It has to be a relatively mediocre attractive male that has to rescue her. She's finally a little considerate near the end, but I don't even care at this point. "Five days of nonstop walking. I was right on the cup of complaining about this when Alice caught my eye. She had been in the afterlife since 1933. She had walked for years in a shot. I should maybe shut the hell up. So I did. "(page 249). The last thing that kind of erks me about Sarah is she said she was trying to diagnose the two Adam and Eve characters by saying they might have ADHD. "(Are these kids ADHD? Can we get them meds at the mall)" (page 149). "Maybe it wasn't ADHD, but he had some sort of issue. Before I could jump to a diagnosis," (page 151). I am so uncomfortable with the remarks she makes about other characters.
I want to move on from Sarah and talk about the chemistry between her and Nick. It's flat, bland, and not good. As I previously mentioned, she relies on Nick WAY too much. "I needed Nick here to reassure me. I wasn't really good at it" (page 176). There's no chemistry; they did not know each other long enough or create a structured relationship to make sense that either one of them would want to sacrifice their own unfinished business so they could be together forever. Even though he wanted to be with Sarah while they were with the living, he makes a 180 turn and decides he wants to be an angel. I was a little shocked, but an interesting turn of events. Which it's okay. I think Sarah needs to not be attached to someone so she can let go. But as soon as he's giving backstory, which alludes to being with a previous girl (because he got shot for her), she says: "It's not cool to talk about some girl when it looks like you're about to have sex with a completely different girl. I'm just sayin'" (page 229). He's trying to give her an answer by talking about when he died, not about the girl, and now she's jealous. I'm baffled. Sarah also says: "Let's get this straight. You're leaving me. For your mother." (page 230). He's leaving to become an angel to watch over his mom; that's okay because it's HIS mom. Why is she trying to stop him? They haven't known each other for that long! It reads like a relationship that would have ended in a few months anyway. Their kiss was anticlimactic and pointless. They were just together because they were told not to by Bertha (In my opinion). After all, it's the "rules."
I don't like any of the characters. Sarah is a bad character. Nick is dull, and I saw people saying he's manipulative, and I know why. Nick says: "Please tell me you forgive me. "(page 234). This is because he is leaving, and even though I don't feel that it's a huge deal, Sarah does not have to forgive him so that it can be off his conscience. Lacey is overly aggressive and, on page 162, said she would have assaulted Sarah when they were alive because she was rich. Lacey also used to boss around her ex-friends and made body-shaming remarks about one of them. "They looked way happier than she had ever seen them when she was alive and bossing them around "(page 172). "Hey! Your butt looks flat in those jeans!" (page 173). And even tries to kill her murderer, and from there, we never see her growth but are rather told that she "let go of her anger" and can move on. Alice is okay, but she comments on how the people related to her killer are just like him. Which is not true. "'He lives on, you know, 'she said, walking away from it and not looking back. 'Joe O'Hara he had children. And grandchildren. And great-grandchildren. The world is full of Joe O'Hara's.' she walked a bit faster. 'my family died off. '"(page 170). I don't know enough about Harry, but I know he hates his brothers and wishes the pain he's suffering to go to them. "He (Harry) did not want cancer and would happily have given it to either of his brothers if only he knew how" (page 50). On page 111, Harry says he wants to go to a Boston Red Sox game (as one of the days to revisit) because he was too young to enjoy it. Okay, but why? How will that solve his unfinished business… where's the backstory? Declan is dumb and never matures from his more obvious self-centered problems. The character also said Mexican was a language and "sounds like Spanish," which feels racist somehow, but the writer wanted it to come off as funny, but it's just plain ignorance. The Adam and Eve characters were annoying, and Eve kept calling Sarah pretty, which reminded me. I don't know a single feature or characteristic about anyone except that Sarah is white.
Plot twist, but some random girl is the reincarnation of her mom. I don't care.
I have a big issue with this, but Lacey, Alice, and Declan's unfished business are to help Sarah save her dad. So everyone can move on and have a happy ending, I guess. This makes no sense and feels like the whole book revolved around Sarah. All the characters couldn't have their own personality, growth, or change because Sarah was the "spotlight" character. It's unfortunate and, again, bad writing.
Overall the writing is simple. Nothing is explained enough to where the reader can fully comprehend what's going on. There are errors in spelling which is surprising seeing in a published book. The idea could have been more fleshed out and gotten three stars, maybe even more, but it's not. Even making it in multiple POVs or going back and forth between when Sarah was alive and when she's dead would have helped with some backstory or depth of characters. The comedic or snarky effect the author is trying to portray is not coming off how I think it's supposed to be, and it just feels annoying. All events and critical situations are shown rather than told. The book was just not good, and to quote Tyra Banks, "it was so bad, I want to give you a zero, but I can't, so I give you a one."
Smaller comments:
"See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" (page 31) - I already hate the dialog and the bad jokes.
"(When people said my name (Sarah), it felt super intimate)" (page 68). Yeah, she's only saying this because it's Nick everyone else has already and will call her by her name, so I'm not sure why this was put in.
"My(Sarah) story took less than two minute to tell because, surprise, surprise, I reveled as little as I possibly could" (page 73). - Two minutes?? Not two minute.
"It's such an honor to be your dad. It's remarkable to see how quickly you have become this beautiful young women, possessed of amazing talents, grace, and infinite possibility. This world is at your feet." (page 82) - I know this is supposed to be sweet, but "This world is at your feet" I see now that Sarah was spoiled, and that's why she acts like a brat.
"Don't go out with Fiona. Go out with Sarah. Go out to her dad's wedding with her. You can both live" (page 86). - Are these memories, or are we going back in time? Also, why is Sarah blaming his ex for his death? She's so entitled it's annoying.
"It felt as if I were filling myself up with tiny helium balloons, getting ready to float away" (page 88). - Are we drinking alcohol or something else? Because she said it was, but the way the author describes it doesn't make sense.
"Lacey, I want you to think about Harry. I(Sarah)said. 'He's gone. And he's never coming back" (page 142). - I'm so annoyed by Sarah.
"Closing my(Sarah) eyes, I stared into the darkness before me" (page 20) - What?
"She transformed into Oprah. (I swear.)" (page 220).
"Can you see me(Lacey)? Oh, of course, you can! Your Oprah! You can do anything. I love you! I really love you "(page 220) - please don't drag Oprah into this awful book.
"Clearly she had it figured out that we were now stranded here. Neither had Alice." (page 261). - Love how EVERYTHING is told and not shown.
Why did I write so much...
I've seen a few people who left a one-star review because they DNFed this book, and I was so close to doing the same, but I stuck it out with the audiobook and finished. The lady who was doing the audiobook made it worse but better at the same time. I could get through the book faster than when I was just reading (barely a chapter a night). I would never have known that Barbra has a Scottish accent which was never established in the book… I also LOVE when I hear the awful dialog, ESPECIALLY when someone is yelling. I rushed to my phone to turn down the volume multiple times because there was a lot of unexpected yelling. The book kind of reads like a Disney show but instead of the mindlessness of watching characters act out a situation, I have to fully be in the worse POV I've ever been in. Before I get into the plot, characters, and my overall thoughts on the book, I want to say that I know this book is for high schoolers and, to be more accurate, the ages of 12 to 17. I am 19, and two years ago, I promise I would have still thought this was a poorly written, lacking novel. However, I think that 12-year-old me and possibly 17-year-old would have rated it maybe one star higher. My rating is 1 out of 5 stars.
We learn on page 21 that her dad is rich because he made … plastic lids for Starbucks but not just any lids, "super-big plastic lids." I also concluded that she has a daddy issue on this page, and I was right. On page 27, we learn Sarah has powers and abilities passed down from her mom. That she has now thrown away because her mom died, and she couldn't use them to save her. These powers basically can allow her to know if someone nearby will die so she can save them. And it's apparent it also deems her as "special." But we soon realize that she is far from special and is a privileged rich basic white girl who is extremely uninteresting. I feel she is throwing away her power because she's mad she couldn't save her mom and blames her dad for not being there to help. Through this, she essentially rids herself of the power by ignoring it. But I feel like she's selfish because she purposely blocks out knowing how she can help someone. Her mother also told her to use her powers to help people, so she forgets what her mom stood for? I understand it to an extent, but it also feels like her disappointment with herself is making it where she can't use her gift to SAVE others. Our main character Sarah is, in fact, self-centered, and this goes beyond the previous point. I know the author attempts to humble her later, so we feel like rooting for her, but I can't. She fully believes that her quest to find peace is the most important thing, and the author makes it clear. "Here's what I didn't say: Everybody, please, please stay here and help me because my unfinished business is more important than your unfinished business because mine is mine. So shut up. Sit tight. We're going to wait for my dad and evil Karen." (page 165). While Sarah doesn't say that the support she desperately wants is more important than Nick going to see his alcoholic mother, the reader knows that she thinks she is entitled to other people's time even though it's supposed to be her quest to find peace with herself. Sarah is also extremely judgemental. "I sat down on a bench and watched the mall walkers. The next person to pass by was a woman dressed in an embarrassing Goth Girl outfit. Black hair, lips, nails, clothes, and enough eyeliner to circle the globe. Oh, honey" (page 16). It enrages me that she feels the need to comment rudely on people's looks and style. It's also constantly pointed out that Lacey wears a low-cut dress that causes her "boob to pop out" and Sarah judges her for wearing such an outfit to her OWN funeral. This is mentioned a minimum of three times, and it's even said that Lacey looks twelve with big boobs, which even if they are the same age, why does the main character need to comment on another woman's body and weirdly say she looks almost like a child. "Now, bare-faced, sad and true, she looked like a twelve-year-old heartsick with oversized boobs" (page 109). Another time is when a child is looking at her boobs. And these aren't just any children. It's some weird religious link to, and I'm guessing, Adam and Eve (which I will now be calling them) because a young girl and boy are called "the Boy" and are said to be some type of higher power. "The boy Boy was staring at Lacey's dress. I wasn't sure if it was good or bad that she was wearing such a tight, revealing top" (page 149). And again, Sarah judges another girl's appearance for no reason. Sarah also mentions how basic she is, and because of this, there's no way someone would want to murder her. "This has to be a mistake. No one would ever want to kill me. I wasn't that interesting" (page 21). (She's such a ridiculous character). Sarah also needs to depend on everyone, especially Nick, the love interest. She needs constant reassurance from people she barely knows and doesn't create relationships that I care about. "'Sarah, I know you. I see you, and I know who you are. You worry too much, but you look out for other people. You have a wicked sense of humor that makes me always want to be next to you and hear what you have to say. You're strong, and you're crazy smart. You have music in everything you do,' he said, moving closer. 'and you have a great heart.'" (page 200). Nick and Sarah have not known each other long enough for either of them to make statements like this. They crossed paths when they were alive, but that doesn't change them from knowing each other for a short period. Because if Nick did know Sarah, he'd know that she makes comments and wants to say things to other people only for her benefit. She doesn't care about anyone else but herself and what she wants. It's also apparent that we are told about a person's character, not shown through actions. I don't know when she was smart, not once. When was she nice? Funny? The writing comes across as more annoying than funny after a while. Sarah is not kind to anyone, especially Alice, another dead girl at the mall. On page 74, when Sarah accidentally asks Alice something that will cause her to give us some personal information, she acts all high and mighty for being able to be considerate even though she doesn't care about Alice in the first place. Going back to the previous quote mentioned when Sarah is trying to convince everyone to stay because her situation is "more important." During this time, Lacey and Nick leave to work on their unfinished business. Alice decides to stay and keep Sarah company because she died many centuries ago. Yet Sarah does not thank her and even forgets she was there in the first place because she was making a big deal about Nick leaving. "Alice! I had completely forgotten that she was even there." (page 166). Which shows that she only needs a man. She can't depend on herself or another girl. It has to be a relatively mediocre attractive male that has to rescue her. She's finally a little considerate near the end, but I don't even care at this point. "Five days of nonstop walking. I was right on the cup of complaining about this when Alice caught my eye. She had been in the afterlife since 1933. She had walked for years in a shot. I should maybe shut the hell up. So I did. "(page 249). The last thing that kind of erks me about Sarah is she said she was trying to diagnose the two Adam and Eve characters by saying they might have ADHD. "(Are these kids ADHD? Can we get them meds at the mall)" (page 149). "Maybe it wasn't ADHD, but he had some sort of issue. Before I could jump to a diagnosis," (page 151). I am so uncomfortable with the remarks she makes about other characters.
I want to move on from Sarah and talk about the chemistry between her and Nick. It's flat, bland, and not good. As I previously mentioned, she relies on Nick WAY too much. "I needed Nick here to reassure me. I wasn't really good at it" (page 176). There's no chemistry; they did not know each other long enough or create a structured relationship to make sense that either one of them would want to sacrifice their own unfinished business so they could be together forever. Even though he wanted to be with Sarah while they were with the living, he makes a 180 turn and decides he wants to be an angel. I was a little shocked, but an interesting turn of events. Which it's okay. I think Sarah needs to not be attached to someone so she can let go. But as soon as he's giving backstory, which alludes to being with a previous girl (because he got shot for her), she says: "It's not cool to talk about some girl when it looks like you're about to have sex with a completely different girl. I'm just sayin'" (page 229). He's trying to give her an answer by talking about when he died, not about the girl, and now she's jealous. I'm baffled. Sarah also says: "Let's get this straight. You're leaving me. For your mother." (page 230). He's leaving to become an angel to watch over his mom; that's okay because it's HIS mom. Why is she trying to stop him? They haven't known each other for that long! It reads like a relationship that would have ended in a few months anyway. Their kiss was anticlimactic and pointless. They were just together because they were told not to by Bertha (In my opinion). After all, it's the "rules."
I don't like any of the characters. Sarah is a bad character. Nick is dull, and I saw people saying he's manipulative, and I know why. Nick says: "Please tell me you forgive me. "(page 234). This is because he is leaving, and even though I don't feel that it's a huge deal, Sarah does not have to forgive him so that it can be off his conscience. Lacey is overly aggressive and, on page 162, said she would have assaulted Sarah when they were alive because she was rich. Lacey also used to boss around her ex-friends and made body-shaming remarks about one of them. "They looked way happier than she had ever seen them when she was alive and bossing them around "(page 172). "Hey! Your butt looks flat in those jeans!" (page 173). And even tries to kill her murderer, and from there, we never see her growth but are rather told that she "let go of her anger" and can move on. Alice is okay, but she comments on how the people related to her killer are just like him. Which is not true. "'He lives on, you know, 'she said, walking away from it and not looking back. 'Joe O'Hara he had children. And grandchildren. And great-grandchildren. The world is full of Joe O'Hara's.' she walked a bit faster. 'my family died off. '"(page 170). I don't know enough about Harry, but I know he hates his brothers and wishes the pain he's suffering to go to them. "He (Harry) did not want cancer and would happily have given it to either of his brothers if only he knew how" (page 50). On page 111, Harry says he wants to go to a Boston Red Sox game (as one of the days to revisit) because he was too young to enjoy it. Okay, but why? How will that solve his unfinished business… where's the backstory? Declan is dumb and never matures from his more obvious self-centered problems. The character also said Mexican was a language and "sounds like Spanish," which feels racist somehow, but the writer wanted it to come off as funny, but it's just plain ignorance. The Adam and Eve characters were annoying, and Eve kept calling Sarah pretty, which reminded me. I don't know a single feature or characteristic about anyone except that Sarah is white.
Plot twist, but some random girl is the reincarnation of her mom. I don't care.
I have a big issue with this, but Lacey, Alice, and Declan's unfished business are to help Sarah save her dad. So everyone can move on and have a happy ending, I guess. This makes no sense and feels like the whole book revolved around Sarah. All the characters couldn't have their own personality, growth, or change because Sarah was the "spotlight" character. It's unfortunate and, again, bad writing.
Overall the writing is simple. Nothing is explained enough to where the reader can fully comprehend what's going on. There are errors in spelling which is surprising seeing in a published book. The idea could have been more fleshed out and gotten three stars, maybe even more, but it's not. Even making it in multiple POVs or going back and forth between when Sarah was alive and when she's dead would have helped with some backstory or depth of characters. The comedic or snarky effect the author is trying to portray is not coming off how I think it's supposed to be, and it just feels annoying. All events and critical situations are shown rather than told. The book was just not good, and to quote Tyra Banks, "it was so bad, I want to give you a zero, but I can't, so I give you a one."
Smaller comments:
"See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" (page 31) - I already hate the dialog and the bad jokes.
"(When people said my name (Sarah), it felt super intimate)" (page 68). Yeah, she's only saying this because it's Nick everyone else has already and will call her by her name, so I'm not sure why this was put in.
"My(Sarah) story took less than two minute to tell because, surprise, surprise, I reveled as little as I possibly could" (page 73). - Two minutes?? Not two minute.
"It's such an honor to be your dad. It's remarkable to see how quickly you have become this beautiful young women, possessed of amazing talents, grace, and infinite possibility. This world is at your feet." (page 82) - I know this is supposed to be sweet, but "This world is at your feet" I see now that Sarah was spoiled, and that's why she acts like a brat.
"Don't go out with Fiona. Go out with Sarah. Go out to her dad's wedding with her. You can both live" (page 86). - Are these memories, or are we going back in time? Also, why is Sarah blaming his ex for his death? She's so entitled it's annoying.
"It felt as if I were filling myself up with tiny helium balloons, getting ready to float away" (page 88). - Are we drinking alcohol or something else? Because she said it was, but the way the author describes it doesn't make sense.
"Lacey, I want you to think about Harry. I(Sarah)said. 'He's gone. And he's never coming back" (page 142). - I'm so annoyed by Sarah.
"Closing my(Sarah) eyes, I stared into the darkness before me" (page 20) - What?
"She transformed into Oprah. (I swear.)" (page 220).
"Can you see me(Lacey)? Oh, of course, you can! Your Oprah! You can do anything. I love you! I really love you "(page 220) - please don't drag Oprah into this awful book.
"Clearly she had it figured out that we were now stranded here. Neither had Alice." (page 261). - Love how EVERYTHING is told and not shown.
Why did I write so much...