A review by cateyeschloe
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

dark emotional sad medium-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? Character
  • Strong character development? It's complicated
  • Loveable characters? It's complicated
  • Diverse cast of characters? No
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.75

There’s so much to say about this book and it’s difficult to put everything it made me feel into words. 

Vanessa’s pain and conflicting emotions are so very visceral in every page, and I often found myself setting down the book for a few moments just to sit with how she felt, how I felt reading it, and how what she was going through affected her. 

This book perfectly walks the line of depicting how a relationship like Vanessa’s and Strane’s can seem from Vanessa’s perspective - romantic, beautiful, a love story, “not that bad, really” - and how brutal it actually is from the outside - heartrending, manipulative, narcissistic, and cruel. 

I think the thing that stood out the most to me was asking myself the question “if something made me feel abused - even if my mind is insistent that it ‘wasn’t that bad, really’ - isn’t that still abuse?”. And I really appreciate how the book brings this perspective to light. 

It can be really easy to bury yourself under the excuses of “others had it so much worse than me” or “what happened to me wasn’t even that bad” or “I didn’t complain; didn’t that mean I was okay with it?”. And despite all of those protests, the truth still remains true if you were hurt or used or manipulated. That is still valid and you deserve to let yourself be heard, to heal, and, ultimately, to forgive yourself for something that was beyond your control and never your fault. 

This book was painful to read and beautifully written. Vanessa is relatable and agonizing to discover. The author does a phenomenal job of weaving the abuser together both from his narcissism and his charm as he walks the line between the light of day and shadow. 

This is an essential read if you have any interest in the Me Too movement or supporting and believing victims of any abuse across the board. 

This book felt like a gut punch, but it will absolutely be added to my list of favorites from now on. 
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