A review by lizzierose147
You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat

challenging emotional hopeful fast-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? Character
  • Strong character development? Yes
  • Loveable characters? Yes
  • Diverse cast of characters? Yes
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

This book grew on me the more I read. My first impression was that the prose was too simple and that it would not be a captivating read. However, as I read on, I quickly changed my mind. I think the sheer breadth and gravity of topics covered by Arafat through her protagonist almost necessitates a fast paced and simple prose to keep the reader in the flow and to reflect the simultaneous self awareness and impulsiveness of the main character. The effect is that despite covering therapy, oedipal love triangles, eating disorders, queer shame, cheating, Israeli occupation in Palestine, suicide, immigration, family trauma and disappointment and multiple heartbreaks, the book does not feel heavy or depressing. Instead, owing to the simple prose and rapid fire decision making of the protagonist we move through these topics speedily, almost too fast in fact, but I think that this is the point, reflecting the inner world of our protagonist who is loathe to settle, to stagnate and in fact seeks unattainable things, people, a self diagnosed love-addict. The narrative follows her rapid and often (consciously) Il-advised decisions, with both a hopeful and resigned attitude - especially pertinent as it is written in first person. Ultimately, I really liked this book, and especially the mother daughter relationship which ran as its core theme. There is something universal in daughters loving and desiring love from a mother figure, and, when finding the latter to be unattainable, seeking it or a similar absence of it elsewhere. The protagonist's simultaneous  isolation and frustration at her mother, underlit with a constant desire for validation and approval, despite not extending the same to her mother until the final passages is poignant and relatable. The tides of their relationship and the deep love they ultimately share was conveyed really well throughout, especially through the lack of explanation between the fights and reparations between them.  With every other character the protagonist fights with we need a reason for them to offer forgiveness, with her mother their apologies go unsaid, are inevitable and assumed eventually. 
The book is also refreshingly sex positive, even in the several relationships that arent explicitly sexual that the main character describes. Her mothers balance of biphobia and homophobia is also fascinating, the terms and conditions along which she is clearly desperate to be disappointed and yet still make room in spite of her prejudices for love and acceptance of her daughter are a great example of queer family dynamics for the 21dt c. 
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