A review by mixedreader
Big Girl by Mecca Jamilah Sullivan

challenging emotional reflective sad medium-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? Character
  • Strong character development? Yes
  • Loveable characters? Yes
  • Diverse cast of characters? Yes
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

Mecca Jamilah Sullivan’s Big Girl tells so much truth about how we talk about weight (particularly on girls/womens bodies) in our homes, with families, and among other women. The aggressions against main character Malaya and her body were difficult to read and yet an important reminder of the regularity and ritual of critiquing those close to us and how we internalize those critiques. Perhaps most strikingly in this novel, Big Girl reveals the generational impact of these messages and their ability to fracture relationships between mothers and daughters. 

Malaya deals with so much: watching the crumbling of her parents’ marriage, the social shifts of her friend group, heartbreak in several forms, and endless cruel/ policing comments from her grandmother. I found myself relating a lot to the trauma she experiences and her search for comfort in a variety of ways; food being one of them. Sullivan allows Malaya this comfort inside of a somewhat dissociative space where allows herself to disconnect without self punishment. Over the course of the narrative, we get to watch Malaya move from these unconscious decisions to asserting her self-awareness. While some of her decisions about how she finds comfort shift, Sullivan doesn’t let this dissolve into a “fix her life” story. Malaya gets to be, and there’s healing in that. 

Even more beautiful for me as a reader, is that Malaya’s coming into her own is paired with a slow-burn, heart-aching queer love that is it’s own validation. 

Approach this book with caution and love if you’ve experienced the trauma Malaya has. I had to go slow. I had to take time as I watched  the feelings/ emotions 
/desires/ shame/hurt /fear  be projected onto Malaya’s body by all the characters around her. But her strength of spirit shines brightest
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