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A review by librariann
22 Things a Woman with Asperger's Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know by Rudy Simone
4.0
I'm still in my post-HH self-investigation on women on the spectrum. I'm finding it very enlightening.
When I was in 6th grade, I wrote "Normal is Boring" on a shirt in glittery puffy paint, and wore it all the time. Reading these books, I understand it's a spectrum for a reason, and I think there are as many elements that are spot on as there are that don't fit. But with three decades under my belt of identifying myself (and being identified by others) as a person with mental illness, I find the mental shift of the umbrella from "functional adult who copes with bouts of mental illness" to "my brain works this way because I'm just a little bit on the Spectrum" to be almost empowering. Elements of my life that seemed disconnected just click when viewed through this lens.
Re: the topic of this book in particular - I am also fortunate that I have a partner that has always known and understood me (even without a diagnosis), and so this book is less of a helpful guide for him than a "well, yeah, of course."
If this were on my Kindle, these would have been my highlights:
"Aspie bluntness is famous, or infamous, depending on who you ask. Why do we do it? To be cruel? Absolutely not. We like to relay information and we like to do it honestly and without games or subtext."
"For someone who doesn't like to be bombarded with talk, your Aspergirl may pelt you with tidbits about her day from the moment you walk in the door until she runs out of breath 15 minutes later. It may seem to the untrained eye, that is is one self-centered chick. That's not what it is, well not entirely. This is what's known in Aspergers as monologuing...these percolating thoughts come flying out of her and at you like knives from a carnival performer's hand."
"I get asked all the time how I can get up in front of hundreds of people and speak. Are you kidding me? I'm monologuing. I have a huge captive audience and I'm getting paid for it. ... But the best part is, and this is important, I'm imparting information to people. Your girl, even when she seems to have her own special interest at heart, is usually looking to impart information with the aim of somehow improving a situation or helping other people."
"Aspies tend to have one good friend at a time and don't understand how NTs manage to have so many and have a life. ... Even if she's got a thousand online friends, chances are in her real-world leisure time, she is a lone wolf. ... Why on earth would she want to go to the movies with people? ... Why would she want to go shopping with other girls?"
"Some AS women say that when they are away from their partner, they lose that "sense of connection" that is a crucial part of our obsessions. We we take an interest in something, we like to have it around."
"If you really feel that she spends too much time alone, try to get her out and into the community, or encourage her to find others she connects with. It may be that she goes to a class, and learns to dance, but never makes any friends, but there's always the possibility that she will. ... Thank heavens for online social networks, which give her a chance to express herself in writing, without the confusing parts - eye contact, reciprocal conversation."
"Self-advocacy, especially face to face, is very difficult for us. We might write like Shakespeare, but we're just plain shaky when speaking up for our selves. She probably gets tongue-tied, angry, or cries. Thank God for typing! Real-time self-defense is not our forte."
"Some of us do love going out to work, and do so happily and successfully, partly because it is some sort of a social life, in a controlled environment where everyone has a role."
"I love getting older. I feel more comfortable in my skin, I've acquired some social skills, am less afraid of people, and actually do enjoy their company from time to time."
When I was in 6th grade, I wrote "Normal is Boring" on a shirt in glittery puffy paint, and wore it all the time. Reading these books, I understand it's a spectrum for a reason, and I think there are as many elements that are spot on as there are that don't fit. But with three decades under my belt of identifying myself (and being identified by others) as a person with mental illness, I find the mental shift of the umbrella from "functional adult who copes with bouts of mental illness" to "my brain works this way because I'm just a little bit on the Spectrum" to be almost empowering. Elements of my life that seemed disconnected just click when viewed through this lens.
Re: the topic of this book in particular - I am also fortunate that I have a partner that has always known and understood me (even without a diagnosis), and so this book is less of a helpful guide for him than a "well, yeah, of course."
If this were on my Kindle, these would have been my highlights:
"Aspie bluntness is famous, or infamous, depending on who you ask. Why do we do it? To be cruel? Absolutely not. We like to relay information and we like to do it honestly and without games or subtext."
"For someone who doesn't like to be bombarded with talk, your Aspergirl may pelt you with tidbits about her day from the moment you walk in the door until she runs out of breath 15 minutes later. It may seem to the untrained eye, that is is one self-centered chick. That's not what it is, well not entirely. This is what's known in Aspergers as monologuing...these percolating thoughts come flying out of her and at you like knives from a carnival performer's hand."
"I get asked all the time how I can get up in front of hundreds of people and speak. Are you kidding me? I'm monologuing. I have a huge captive audience and I'm getting paid for it. ... But the best part is, and this is important, I'm imparting information to people. Your girl, even when she seems to have her own special interest at heart, is usually looking to impart information with the aim of somehow improving a situation or helping other people."
"Aspies tend to have one good friend at a time and don't understand how NTs manage to have so many and have a life. ... Even if she's got a thousand online friends, chances are in her real-world leisure time, she is a lone wolf. ... Why on earth would she want to go to the movies with people? ... Why would she want to go shopping with other girls?"
"Some AS women say that when they are away from their partner, they lose that "sense of connection" that is a crucial part of our obsessions. We we take an interest in something, we like to have it around."
"If you really feel that she spends too much time alone, try to get her out and into the community, or encourage her to find others she connects with. It may be that she goes to a class, and learns to dance, but never makes any friends, but there's always the possibility that she will. ... Thank heavens for online social networks, which give her a chance to express herself in writing, without the confusing parts - eye contact, reciprocal conversation."
"Self-advocacy, especially face to face, is very difficult for us. We might write like Shakespeare, but we're just plain shaky when speaking up for our selves. She probably gets tongue-tied, angry, or cries. Thank God for typing! Real-time self-defense is not our forte."
"Some of us do love going out to work, and do so happily and successfully, partly because it is some sort of a social life, in a controlled environment where everyone has a role."
"I love getting older. I feel more comfortable in my skin, I've acquired some social skills, am less afraid of people, and actually do enjoy their company from time to time."