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sssnoo 's review for:
The Unwinding of the Miracle: A Memoir of Life, Death, and Everything That Comes After
by Julie Yip-Williams
I read this book because I am interested in how people process dying and death. While this is just one woman’s journey, I found it welcomely honest.
My thoughts:
- Julie fought stage IV colon cancer over 5 years. She describes the journey of treatments and procedures in excruciating detail. I’m not sure this is what a newly diagnosed person should read, as it may be overwhelming, but it’s a good book to read when you are healthy as you may internalize some of the messages and pull from them when you need to.
- Julie presents a very real and open experience. She is not of the “always believe you will win,” “fight-fight-fight” mentality often presented in cancer blogs and books. She states many times she is a pragmatist. And she was. So while her journey was unique to her, discerning readers can pick out the elements I believe are common to many people facing death. She wants control, she’s angry, she has fears, she is just tired. I appreciated the honesty.
- Many of the negative reviews focus on Julie’s use of “the slutty second wife” term. It’s as if people don’t want to hear or face a real person voicing their real anger and fears. And those people judge judge and then judge again. Julie is a real person, a relatively young person, with real issues that she never got to resolve or grow beyond. That is part of the sadness of her early death. I trust her husband will do a fine job helping his daughters translate the words and experiences of this time.
- More on the negative reviews. Somehow I feel defensive of Julie. It annoys me that readers want to judge the book based on Julie’s parenting decisions - like letting the girls watch plane disaster documentaries. I may not have done it Julie and Josh’s way, but I’m not going to judge their parenting anymore than I want others to judge mine. Same with the readers criticizing Julie for her food decisions - seriously? These are readers delusional that a vegan, supplement laden diet is somehow capable of curing stage IV colon cancer. I’m with Julie on this one. I think the negative reviews based on these features speak more to the fears and denials the readers are facing, than the merits of the memoir.
- I do have criticisms of the book. It doesn’t read very cohesively, and there are a lot of redundancies. This is common with blogs turned books, and more editing would have helped.
- Julie grew up poor, but perhaps not with a poor “mentality.” Her family was affluent in Vietnam - privileged. They were poor as refugees, but quickly regained their more familiar economic and academic edge. Julie is open about her privilege, but not humble. I hoped that she would acknowledge that the first horrible hospitalization she experienced was all many people could hope fore - and way beyond what those without wealth and insurance can access. This is a memoir of how a wealthy person can experience cancer. Julie missed an opportunity here to advocate for, or at list clearly point out healthcare disparities in this country. But that’s ok. Cancer pulls you inward and this was about her fight, not a political essay about healthcare in the US.
In short, Unwinding the Miracle adds to the body of literature about modern day dying. It’s not the best, nor is it the worst. As I said up above, I think it is good to read broadly across this literature because we all will die, and getting some seeds sown when you are younger and healthy will help you decide how to face your own mortality. Pick the bits that speak to you. For me the best book I’ve read on the subject is [b:Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End|20696006|Being Mortal Medicine and What Matters in the End|Atul Gawande|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1408324949l/20696006._SY75_.jpg|40015533].
Interestingly, my mother died 5 days after Julie died in 2018. I found it oddly comforting to think that as my own family was saying goodbye, so was hers. My mother had a good death, at home under hospice care, and having had time to say her goodbyes and make her wishes known. I was able to help her have a good death because I’ve read and learned from books such as Julie’s. A person’s death journey is as personal as their birth journey; there is no right way. I wish for everyone time to contemplate their end along with the time and resources to leave this world in peace.
My thoughts:
- Julie fought stage IV colon cancer over 5 years. She describes the journey of treatments and procedures in excruciating detail. I’m not sure this is what a newly diagnosed person should read, as it may be overwhelming, but it’s a good book to read when you are healthy as you may internalize some of the messages and pull from them when you need to.
- Julie presents a very real and open experience. She is not of the “always believe you will win,” “fight-fight-fight” mentality often presented in cancer blogs and books. She states many times she is a pragmatist. And she was. So while her journey was unique to her, discerning readers can pick out the elements I believe are common to many people facing death. She wants control, she’s angry, she has fears, she is just tired. I appreciated the honesty.
- Many of the negative reviews focus on Julie’s use of “the slutty second wife” term. It’s as if people don’t want to hear or face a real person voicing their real anger and fears. And those people judge judge and then judge again. Julie is a real person, a relatively young person, with real issues that she never got to resolve or grow beyond. That is part of the sadness of her early death. I trust her husband will do a fine job helping his daughters translate the words and experiences of this time.
- More on the negative reviews. Somehow I feel defensive of Julie. It annoys me that readers want to judge the book based on Julie’s parenting decisions - like letting the girls watch plane disaster documentaries. I may not have done it Julie and Josh’s way, but I’m not going to judge their parenting anymore than I want others to judge mine. Same with the readers criticizing Julie for her food decisions - seriously? These are readers delusional that a vegan, supplement laden diet is somehow capable of curing stage IV colon cancer. I’m with Julie on this one. I think the negative reviews based on these features speak more to the fears and denials the readers are facing, than the merits of the memoir.
- I do have criticisms of the book. It doesn’t read very cohesively, and there are a lot of redundancies. This is common with blogs turned books, and more editing would have helped.
- Julie grew up poor, but perhaps not with a poor “mentality.” Her family was affluent in Vietnam - privileged. They were poor as refugees, but quickly regained their more familiar economic and academic edge. Julie is open about her privilege, but not humble. I hoped that she would acknowledge that the first horrible hospitalization she experienced was all many people could hope fore - and way beyond what those without wealth and insurance can access. This is a memoir of how a wealthy person can experience cancer. Julie missed an opportunity here to advocate for, or at list clearly point out healthcare disparities in this country. But that’s ok. Cancer pulls you inward and this was about her fight, not a political essay about healthcare in the US.
In short, Unwinding the Miracle adds to the body of literature about modern day dying. It’s not the best, nor is it the worst. As I said up above, I think it is good to read broadly across this literature because we all will die, and getting some seeds sown when you are younger and healthy will help you decide how to face your own mortality. Pick the bits that speak to you. For me the best book I’ve read on the subject is [b:Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End|20696006|Being Mortal Medicine and What Matters in the End|Atul Gawande|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1408324949l/20696006._SY75_.jpg|40015533].
Interestingly, my mother died 5 days after Julie died in 2018. I found it oddly comforting to think that as my own family was saying goodbye, so was hers. My mother had a good death, at home under hospice care, and having had time to say her goodbyes and make her wishes known. I was able to help her have a good death because I’ve read and learned from books such as Julie’s. A person’s death journey is as personal as their birth journey; there is no right way. I wish for everyone time to contemplate their end along with the time and resources to leave this world in peace.