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A review by stiricide
Happy Birthday to Me by Brian Rowe
1.0
This is... this is bad. Like, really bad. Except, not actually bad? It's not like some self published books that are full of spelling errors and typos. It's actually very well formatted. It's just... bad.
It reads like a book written for teenagers, about teenagers, by a) a teenager or b) a teenager's dad, pretending to be identifiable to teenagers.
Every relationship in this book is about as deep as the Kindle I read it on. Cameron, the main character, lacks all possible self awareness. Even his big personal revelations don't stick - 3 pages after realizing tha the's a self centered jerkwad, he's back to acting like an oblivious self centered jerkwad. He falls in love with the secondary female mostly just because she's there. He obsesses over his ex girlfriend because... reasons? He picks fights with everyone who doesn't understand him because... angry?
Then there's Aason, the inexplicable gay kid. It's not inexplicable why he's gay, it's inexplicable why he's there at all. Except as a foil for Cameron to be homophobic about. Because all gay teenagers really love teasing and throwing themselves at the school superstar, y'know. And stalking them in the shower. Totally. All the time. Yup.
There's the maybe developmentally disabled sister (she's 13, but she's written like she's 7), the projecting narcissist plastic surgeon dad (oh, your son has a debilitating degenerative physical condition? I know! Kidnap him before dawn, bring him to your office, and try to plastic surgery-ize him back to normal! That'll definitely treat the cause, not the symptoms! That's absolutely how licensed physicians know how to treat problems!), and the neglected, trope-y mom. There's also a weird accidental incest scene?
Don't forget the school librarian, who hates the main character (because he's a 17 year old asshole), but otherwise seems like a perfectly well respected staff member, but once Cameron starts aging, somehow decides that it's totally ok for her to throw herself at him. Right. Women just can't control themselves in the face of attractive men, y'know. Even when those men are 17 year olds in 62 year olds bodies. PS, the librarian is 58, but again, she's written like the author has no concept of age - you'd think she's 88. Hell, you'd think that Cam went from 17 to 102, based on the amount of whining he does the second he turns not-18.
In sum: I hate-read this book so you don't have to. I'm not sure why. I'm stubborn.
It reads like a book written for teenagers, about teenagers, by a) a teenager or b) a teenager's dad, pretending to be identifiable to teenagers.
Every relationship in this book is about as deep as the Kindle I read it on. Cameron, the main character, lacks all possible self awareness. Even his big personal revelations don't stick - 3 pages after realizing tha the's a self centered jerkwad, he's back to acting like an oblivious self centered jerkwad. He falls in love with the secondary female mostly just because she's there. He obsesses over his ex girlfriend because... reasons? He picks fights with everyone who doesn't understand him because... angry?
Then there's Aason, the inexplicable gay kid. It's not inexplicable why he's gay, it's inexplicable why he's there at all. Except as a foil for Cameron to be homophobic about. Because all gay teenagers really love teasing and throwing themselves at the school superstar, y'know. And stalking them in the shower. Totally. All the time. Yup.
There's the maybe developmentally disabled sister (she's 13, but she's written like she's 7), the projecting narcissist plastic surgeon dad (oh, your son has a debilitating degenerative physical condition? I know! Kidnap him before dawn, bring him to your office, and try to plastic surgery-ize him back to normal! That'll definitely treat the cause, not the symptoms! That's absolutely how licensed physicians know how to treat problems!), and the neglected, trope-y mom. There's also a weird accidental incest scene?
Don't forget the school librarian, who hates the main character (because he's a 17 year old asshole), but otherwise seems like a perfectly well respected staff member, but once Cameron starts aging, somehow decides that it's totally ok for her to throw herself at him. Right. Women just can't control themselves in the face of attractive men, y'know. Even when those men are 17 year olds in 62 year olds bodies. PS, the librarian is 58, but again, she's written like the author has no concept of age - you'd think she's 88. Hell, you'd think that Cam went from 17 to 102, based on the amount of whining he does the second he turns not-18.
In sum: I hate-read this book so you don't have to. I'm not sure why. I'm stubborn.