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A review by abigcoffeedragon
Farlander by Col Buchanan
1.0
Prologue. Great action, intrigue, and world building, so in short, I was hooked. even when the crazy old bald killer made the leader of the bad guys (assume) 'loosen his bowels', it was semi humorous, and I moved on
Chapter one. nothing 'happens' except a man that guards a wall and another guard 'loosened his bowels' in fear.
Chapter 2. Following a street urchin whose dog dies (not a spoiler, as it is said on the first page of the chapter) who later breaks into a room and his 'bowels loosen in fear' again.
I am done. One time, it is kind of humorous, though not really. Two times, you are just trying to make a bad joke funny, and failing. Three times, and I start to feel like the world should be called Incontinence, as no one seems able to control his or her bowels. This is a crap sack world. LITERALLY. Also, nothing happens action-wise after the prologue except implied sex and implied attempted molestation, with a ton of dialog and info dump, without me caring about the characters or the world.
On a side note, a mother who brings home a man and appreciates him loudly from the room next to her young son, loud enough that he needs to go sleep in the barn. SERIOUSLY? I mean, can we at least TRY not to make every woman a useless whore in Fantasy, or is that the tried and true trope from the 80’s that will never die. If my mother did that, I would not feel sorry for myself, I would only hate my mother more, so why did this character feel such sadness for his mother? In the pages of their relationship, there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, that makes you believe that he would ever miss her when he runs away.
I was born at night, but I was not born last night, though I believe that this book was thought of in one drunken night – here is why some authors should outline their stories first and have Beta readers. No, no, and hell no.
Chapter one. nothing 'happens' except a man that guards a wall and another guard 'loosened his bowels' in fear.
Chapter 2. Following a street urchin whose dog dies (not a spoiler, as it is said on the first page of the chapter) who later breaks into a room and his 'bowels loosen in fear' again.
I am done. One time, it is kind of humorous, though not really. Two times, you are just trying to make a bad joke funny, and failing. Three times, and I start to feel like the world should be called Incontinence, as no one seems able to control his or her bowels. This is a crap sack world. LITERALLY. Also, nothing happens action-wise after the prologue except implied sex and implied attempted molestation, with a ton of dialog and info dump, without me caring about the characters or the world.
On a side note, a mother who brings home a man and appreciates him loudly from the room next to her young son, loud enough that he needs to go sleep in the barn. SERIOUSLY? I mean, can we at least TRY not to make every woman a useless whore in Fantasy, or is that the tried and true trope from the 80’s that will never die. If my mother did that, I would not feel sorry for myself, I would only hate my mother more, so why did this character feel such sadness for his mother? In the pages of their relationship, there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, that makes you believe that he would ever miss her when he runs away.
I was born at night, but I was not born last night, though I believe that this book was thought of in one drunken night – here is why some authors should outline their stories first and have Beta readers. No, no, and hell no.