Take a photo of a barcode or cover
This was an audiobook for me.
There are workbooks and assignments you must do for this book that I feel would be beneficial. As this was an audiobook for me, i could not answer them other than in my mind, and then it was hard to keep score. Recommend reading this as a physical book (not an ebook either).
I was all on board with this book in helping my marriage until the part which was about 60% in, when it talked about taking ownership of your partner’s flaws.
Wife stated something like, “i dont like doing all the laundry. Could you help with folding and putting away?”
Husband retorted with “well no one likes doing laundry, but it’s always been done.” Wife “yeah by me, who do you think does it? Steve down the hall?” Husband “huh, guess I never thought about it.” Wife “that’s kind of cute.”
WHAT. How is it cute that he is using weaponized incompetence?? Who the hell does he think does it?
The lesson from this interchange was for her to say back to him “well I can see how you don’t think about laundry as often as I do because it’s not one of your daily tasks or on your check list. I’ll make sure to tell you when laundry needs to be done.”
Hold up. Why does she need to tell him when it needs to be done? Can’t he see that the laundry basket is full? That his drawers have less clothes in them? What the hell.
Then Dr. Gottman wanted them to take ownership of each other’s flaws. Like what? No. That is a chore that she does all the time, she brought it to his attention nicely, and suggested a possible joint task force to accomplish it together and the husband STILL gets out of doing the chore or helping her at all.
I wanted to throw the (audible) book across the room.
There were some communication techniques I will try and implement (softening your start up), having thanksgiving every day for your spouse (saying thanks for all they do, recognizing their efforts), and build/update your love maps (likes/dislikes of your partner, their life’s goals, and building your friendship up again).
There are workbooks and assignments you must do for this book that I feel would be beneficial. As this was an audiobook for me, i could not answer them other than in my mind, and then it was hard to keep score. Recommend reading this as a physical book (not an ebook either).
I was all on board with this book in helping my marriage until the part which was about 60% in, when it talked about taking ownership of your partner’s flaws.
Wife stated something like, “i dont like doing all the laundry. Could you help with folding and putting away?”
Husband retorted with “well no one likes doing laundry, but it’s always been done.” Wife “yeah by me, who do you think does it? Steve down the hall?” Husband “huh, guess I never thought about it.” Wife “that’s kind of cute.”
WHAT. How is it cute that he is using weaponized incompetence?? Who the hell does he think does it?
The lesson from this interchange was for her to say back to him “well I can see how you don’t think about laundry as often as I do because it’s not one of your daily tasks or on your check list. I’ll make sure to tell you when laundry needs to be done.”
Hold up. Why does she need to tell him when it needs to be done? Can’t he see that the laundry basket is full? That his drawers have less clothes in them? What the hell.
Then Dr. Gottman wanted them to take ownership of each other’s flaws. Like what? No. That is a chore that she does all the time, she brought it to his attention nicely, and suggested a possible joint task force to accomplish it together and the husband STILL gets out of doing the chore or helping her at all.
I wanted to throw the (audible) book across the room.
There were some communication techniques I will try and implement (softening your start up), having thanksgiving every day for your spouse (saying thanks for all they do, recognizing their efforts), and build/update your love maps (likes/dislikes of your partner, their life’s goals, and building your friendship up again).