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eanna 's review for:
Attached: The New Science of Finding - and Keeping - Love
by Rachel S.F. Heller, Amir Levine
Some of the advice is very helpful but also kind of common sense and I don't know if it is so necessary to write a whole book about it.
What I was most interested in learning is how to have more of these secure behaviours instead of insecure ones in order to have a better relationship. However, a lot of the advice is not about that. It seems like the answer to most of the problems he presents is just to leave your relationship and find a better partner, someone who does not have the same difficulties in expressing their emotions. Sorry but are you serious? This does not seem very realistic advice. Of course I am not going to leave my partner if we have some difficulties in the relationship, even major ones. I doubt that most people would benefit from doing that. The author is giving major avoidant vibes.
Also, there are 3 categories of people in this book: avoidant, anxious and secure. The author says that these are not gendered categories but then most of the examples he gives seem to allude that women are anxious and men are avoidant, so which is it? I feel like this should have been explained better. Now it comes across as the author has misogynistic biases that he didn't even attempt to disclose or justify.
What I was most interested in learning is how to have more of these secure behaviours instead of insecure ones in order to have a better relationship. However, a lot of the advice is not about that. It seems like the answer to most of the problems he presents is just to leave your relationship and find a better partner, someone who does not have the same difficulties in expressing their emotions. Sorry but are you serious? This does not seem very realistic advice. Of course I am not going to leave my partner if we have some difficulties in the relationship, even major ones. I doubt that most people would benefit from doing that. The author is giving major avoidant vibes.
Also, there are 3 categories of people in this book: avoidant, anxious and secure. The author says that these are not gendered categories but then most of the examples he gives seem to allude that women are anxious and men are avoidant, so which is it? I feel like this should have been explained better. Now it comes across as the author has misogynistic biases that he didn't even attempt to disclose or justify.