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A review by lmjones
The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance- From Toddlers to Teens by Kim John Payne
4.0
I did what I like to think was a diligent search on parenting books before reading about this one and thinking it probably connected the most with how I want to parent. The book delivers what is promised, 'a warm, firm, and calm' approach. My daughter (and only child) is very young. In fact, she's probably still too young for the majority of the "Governor" section, or the section dedicated to young children, to apply to her (much less the other sections). But there were a handful of things I thought to try and so far so good!
The things I liked most about this book were the organization, the bibliography/notes at the back (granted, I haven't looked at it much, but it's kind of nice to know it's there and grants us the power to believe that the author at least knows how to pretend to be researched, if he isn't actually), and the strategies/techniques you can actually use (as in, it's not only theoretical principles, but actual things for you to try with your child.)
There were only two things I remember distinctly not liking: there almost seemed to be too many strategies to really remember AND the section about sex in the teenager/"guide" portion. Maybe the fact that there are so many strategies just goes to show that parenting is no easy feat and will require some intense study and dedication, but it has certainly been a lot to take in and try to apply, even at the relatively simple level I'm attempting with my daughter.
I thought that the section about sex made good points about how to talk to kids about the level of love and commitment associated with it, but as someone who has always believed in willpower and holding true to family and religious values, I find it insulting every time anyone presumes that teenagers just can't and won't help themselves when it comes to sex before marriage. Teenagers in general (regardless of whether they're sexually active or not) ought to find the idea that they can't control themselves insulting too. Jeez. I don't think that statement needed to be made because the principles outlined in the book could be applied to either scenario whether you support your kids in having premarital sex or support them in abstaining until marriage.
But all and all, I think it's well-thought out and very helpful.
The things I liked most about this book were the organization, the bibliography/notes at the back (granted, I haven't looked at it much, but it's kind of nice to know it's there and grants us the power to believe that the author at least knows how to pretend to be researched, if he isn't actually), and the strategies/techniques you can actually use (as in, it's not only theoretical principles, but actual things for you to try with your child.)
There were only two things I remember distinctly not liking: there almost seemed to be too many strategies to really remember AND the section about sex in the teenager/"guide" portion. Maybe the fact that there are so many strategies just goes to show that parenting is no easy feat and will require some intense study and dedication, but it has certainly been a lot to take in and try to apply, even at the relatively simple level I'm attempting with my daughter.
I thought that the section about sex made good points about how to talk to kids about the level of love and commitment associated with it, but as someone who has always believed in willpower and holding true to family and religious values, I find it insulting every time anyone presumes that teenagers just can't and won't help themselves when it comes to sex before marriage. Teenagers in general (regardless of whether they're sexually active or not) ought to find the idea that they can't control themselves insulting too. Jeez. I don't think that statement needed to be made because the principles outlined in the book could be applied to either scenario whether you support your kids in having premarital sex or support them in abstaining until marriage.
But all and all, I think it's well-thought out and very helpful.