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A review by samwescott
Keanu Reeves Is Not in Love with You: The Murky World of Online Romance by Becky Holmes
3.5
A mixed bag! Interesting info, but I’m really exasperated with this author.
So, I originally picked this up because I thought it was going to be about parasocial relationships and celebrity worship because I have an in-law who is actually worryingly obsessed with Keanu Reeves (she got ahold of his mom’s phone number somehow and it was all very troubling). But when the subtitle set me to rights I was still very interested because scams and the overlap with modern internet culture is fascinating.
And when this author was talking about the scams, I’ll admit I was riveted. I think this book was at its absolute best when she was interviewing victims of romance fraud. She treats them with a lot of care and they all seem very articulate about their emotional experiences and even have great suggestions for mitigating this problem in the future. The author’s exasperated reporting on the lack of accountability from banks, emotional resources for victims, and adaptability from the criminal justice system was UK-specific, but emblematic of the general dismissal of these crimes.
I did have a lot of discomfort with the way Becky talks about the scammers once we get into the chapters about international trends in Ghana, Nigeria, and Malaysia. She mentions in concerning brevity about reports of human trafficking related to pig butchering scams and then doesn’t seem to let the knowledge that the scammers she so gleefully teases on Twitter might actually be victims themselves. It didn’t seem to change her interactions with them at all while it fundamentally changed the way I think about scammers. Her stupid jokes with Twitter scammers about being a murderous cannibalism and making bathroom humor puns with fake gift card codes weren’t funny to start with and majorly dragged the first 30% of the book, but after the trafficking information was dropped, they seemed tone deaf and cruel as well. There was a death threat message she read with the sole purpose of expressing how angry and scary it was with no acknowledgement that while misdirected and not at all exonerative, some of things he said about England needing to atone for its centuries of colonization and resource theft was true. That discussion would require self-awareness and nuance and I don’t think Becky is up for that.
Also why was she constantly apologizing for the English in the messages she copied? She made such a big fuss about the spelling and grammar and it was so annoying. How many languages do you speak, Becky? Can you manage twelve simultaneous chats in a second language that feel modern and grammatically correct and appropriately casual? I doubt it. Focus on the extortion and scamming, not the language barrier.
Finally, I was so, so irritated by the constant self-deprecating humor than hinged on the author’s size. It’s lazy and unfunny and was so distracting the entire book. This author in general had a sense of humor that did not click with me. The constant sex-puns and asides about wanting cake or liking to pet puppies felt like trying to read an interesting book about an important topic while wading through a sea of boomer Facebook memes. I could picture the minion memes that could have been made out of some of her one-liners. She’s only in her forties. Is it because she’s British??
So, yeah. Hated the minute recounting of conversations she had on Twitter and her fat jokes and I don’t trust her talk about international labor trafficking or the lasting effects of colonialism. BUT, the book was still decent, which is a testament to the topic. The firsthand accounts and sympathy with which she holds the victims of these scams was notable and appreciated. It’s a good enough book for you to give a relative who might be vulnerable to this kind of fraud. But I do look forward to the day when this topic is taken more seriously so we can get better, more nuanced books written about it by different authors who won’t make jokes about their back fat.
So, I originally picked this up because I thought it was going to be about parasocial relationships and celebrity worship because I have an in-law who is actually worryingly obsessed with Keanu Reeves (she got ahold of his mom’s phone number somehow and it was all very troubling). But when the subtitle set me to rights I was still very interested because scams and the overlap with modern internet culture is fascinating.
And when this author was talking about the scams, I’ll admit I was riveted. I think this book was at its absolute best when she was interviewing victims of romance fraud. She treats them with a lot of care and they all seem very articulate about their emotional experiences and even have great suggestions for mitigating this problem in the future. The author’s exasperated reporting on the lack of accountability from banks, emotional resources for victims, and adaptability from the criminal justice system was UK-specific, but emblematic of the general dismissal of these crimes.
I did have a lot of discomfort with the way Becky talks about the scammers once we get into the chapters about international trends in Ghana, Nigeria, and Malaysia. She mentions in concerning brevity about reports of human trafficking related to pig butchering scams and then doesn’t seem to let the knowledge that the scammers she so gleefully teases on Twitter might actually be victims themselves. It didn’t seem to change her interactions with them at all while it fundamentally changed the way I think about scammers. Her stupid jokes with Twitter scammers about being a murderous cannibalism and making bathroom humor puns with fake gift card codes weren’t funny to start with and majorly dragged the first 30% of the book, but after the trafficking information was dropped, they seemed tone deaf and cruel as well. There was a death threat message she read with the sole purpose of expressing how angry and scary it was with no acknowledgement that while misdirected and not at all exonerative, some of things he said about England needing to atone for its centuries of colonization and resource theft was true. That discussion would require self-awareness and nuance and I don’t think Becky is up for that.
Also why was she constantly apologizing for the English in the messages she copied? She made such a big fuss about the spelling and grammar and it was so annoying. How many languages do you speak, Becky? Can you manage twelve simultaneous chats in a second language that feel modern and grammatically correct and appropriately casual? I doubt it. Focus on the extortion and scamming, not the language barrier.
Finally, I was so, so irritated by the constant self-deprecating humor than hinged on the author’s size. It’s lazy and unfunny and was so distracting the entire book. This author in general had a sense of humor that did not click with me. The constant sex-puns and asides about wanting cake or liking to pet puppies felt like trying to read an interesting book about an important topic while wading through a sea of boomer Facebook memes. I could picture the minion memes that could have been made out of some of her one-liners. She’s only in her forties. Is it because she’s British??
So, yeah. Hated the minute recounting of conversations she had on Twitter and her fat jokes and I don’t trust her talk about international labor trafficking or the lasting effects of colonialism. BUT, the book was still decent, which is a testament to the topic. The firsthand accounts and sympathy with which she holds the victims of these scams was notable and appreciated. It’s a good enough book for you to give a relative who might be vulnerable to this kind of fraud. But I do look forward to the day when this topic is taken more seriously so we can get better, more nuanced books written about it by different authors who won’t make jokes about their back fat.