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A review by rejeneratingtbr
Split or Swallow by Lindsay Straube

2.0

One of the first compliments we see Tem, the FMC who is apparently hated because her family are............. chicken farmers...........??, receive is one of the MMCs comparing her beauty to his semen.

I feel like that really sets expectations for this book.

This book is the ultimate example of why telling instead of showing is boring. For example:
 
“Go, Tem.” Tem went.
  
“Caspen,” she whispered. “Let me go.” He let her go.

 “Be still,” he ordered. Tem was still.


That is just like, 1% of how often it happened. Sometimes simple is better. But when 90% of the actions in the book read like that?? This book had a fight scene that was truly boring. How do you make a fight scene boring??

The writing felt incredibly juvenile, the characters were so stubborn and annoying. The few side characters I enjoyed we barely saw (I was SO hoping for a female friendship with Lily and Tem, but we saw her like. Twice. The rest of the women, save for her mother, in this book either hate or don't care for Tem).

For a women who cares so strongly about having a choice, agency, free will, Tem sure does make decisions that strip Leo of those things. Especially later in the book. Caspen is annoying and for a snake that can't lie, he sure doesn't tell the fuckin truth ever. 

God they were just all so insufferable and boring!!! Even the smut didn't make up for it! 

I hope in book two
Leo and Evelyn fall back in love and he never sees Tem again and lives happily ever after
.

Mark this book a first for me because I have never disliked an FMC like this. Normally I'm all #womensrightandwrongs but not today