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A review by carmenrlawrence
Why Have Kids?: A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness by Jessica Valenti
2.0
If you are a person (esp woman) who does not want kids or thinks they might not want kids, this book is for you. It is here to support you and empower you, saying “it is not your womanly obligation to steward life into this world! You are more than a vessel! You will be happier without kids!”
But here’s the thing- some of us, including strong feminist women, do want kids. And that doesn’t make us ‘bad feminists’ or ‘traitors to the cause.’ This book accused the populace of hating women who choose not to mother, but then turned around and told women they were essentially making a mistake to have children, stumbling into misery. The studies referenced were skewed to the negative, with no sight of the studies that report parents as being happier at end of life than nonparents.
Look, none of those Instagram perfect moms is real. Motherhood is gross and hard and sticky and smelly and exhausting. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be totally precious and fulfilling and terrific too.
Feminism is about choice, despite the preachings of this book. It means I can choose not to be a mom, and it means I can choose motherhood. I can also choose to continue my career alongside motherhood. The two are not mutually exclusive. It is MY choice, and no one should let anyone bully or pressure them out of their choice. That’s feminism.
But here’s the thing- some of us, including strong feminist women, do want kids. And that doesn’t make us ‘bad feminists’ or ‘traitors to the cause.’ This book accused the populace of hating women who choose not to mother, but then turned around and told women they were essentially making a mistake to have children, stumbling into misery. The studies referenced were skewed to the negative, with no sight of the studies that report parents as being happier at end of life than nonparents.
Look, none of those Instagram perfect moms is real. Motherhood is gross and hard and sticky and smelly and exhausting. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be totally precious and fulfilling and terrific too.
Feminism is about choice, despite the preachings of this book. It means I can choose not to be a mom, and it means I can choose motherhood. I can also choose to continue my career alongside motherhood. The two are not mutually exclusive. It is MY choice, and no one should let anyone bully or pressure them out of their choice. That’s feminism.