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stiricide 's review for:
Sandman Slim
by Richard Kadrey
I feel like a review of this book will be best served by a compilation of my updates while reading it. So:
February 22, 2017 – Currently Reading
February 23, 2017 – page 91
23.45% "Picked this up bc I realized wasn't quite up to timeline with Repairman Jack. Fine, because this is essentially the same thing. A few minor annoyances so far that break continuity, but mostly fine."
(ETA - I thought I'd added this as an update, but I'm not seeing it. Ok. Somewhere, in the first 91 pages, Stark heads to his old apartment, now occupied by an old friend, wearing some "new" clothes - most notably, a tshirt from the place where he is now crashing. Upon arrival at his old place, his old friend criticizes his appearance, commenting that 'it makes him look like a teenager'. (It's a tshirt, not braces, for fuck's sake.) His friend, disgusted, throws a pile of Stark's old shirts at him to change in to. 1) why did Vidoq hang on to these clothes for ELEVEN YEARS? 2) These shirts are from when Stark last lived in the apartment. Eleven years ago. When he was NINETEEN. How is changing in to the clothes of A LITERAL NINETEEN YEAR OLD going to make him look any better than he does right now, Kadrey? Goddammit, you have solved exactly ZERO THINGS with this exchange.)
March 1, 2017 – page 150
38.66% "Officially hate-reading this."
March 1, 2017 – page 151
38.92% "Stark drinks & drives. Like rape, if there's a point to this behavior, I think it's lazy, but at least I get it. But there isn't. We already know that he's a 19 yr old in a 30 yr old's body, prone to do reckless, idiotic things. This is reckless and idiotic for the sake of being reckless and idiotic. He lives, bc "hard to kill". Obvs."
March 1, 2017 – page 153
39.43% "Despite disappearing from this mortal coil 11 years ago, and appearing now in better shape than ever, Stark still fits perfectly in to his 19 year old self's jeans. Bullshit. But also that this sort of jarring, nonsensical stuff is world breaking//crappy editing."
March 1, 2017 – page 155
39.95% "Stark is angry at a pair of suits because their sunglasses represent all that he hates about yuppie-Suit-types. So angry, that he internally muses about killing them if one of them so much as blinks. Which he'd never know, because as he's just said, they're wearing sunglasses, the sort that they never, ever take off. Literally, you just said this a paragraph ago."
March 1, 2017 – page 155
39.95% "So help me god, even in a fictional version of The Bradbury Building, it is a) not steam powered, you drooling fantastical autoclave, and b) IS NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE ALLOWED TO BE DESCRIBED AS A "RATTRAP". Fuck you and every goth you've ever rode in on, Kadrey."
March 1, 2017 – page 156
40.21% "Again, under "breaking reality with no words or explanation because URBAN FANTASY," he describes a fucking TRINKET FURNITURE STORE on the third floor of THE GODDAMN BRADBURY BUILDING. The Bradbury is a fucking office building, has never been 2+ retail, you idiotic sack of weasel scabs, which you would know, if you'd done any sort of research besides fanwanking to your own mythos. I am screaming in to the pages."
March 1, 2017 – page 178
45.88% "p. 162: Stark dresses down the plucky young new female assistant to prevent her from coming with them on a heist. p. 179: author fails to retrieve assistant from last known location, WHICH THE CHARACTERS VISIT. Next paragraph: task which assistant has been specifically recruited for has been accomplished, with no author-words."
March 1, 2017 – page 179
46.13% "If you've ever worked in theatre, you know that any objects you bring in to the scene must somehow, logically, also exit the scene. If they don't, the object is either unnecessary or you're a shitty playwright. In this case, the object is AN ENTIRE CHARACTER and it's both. Stark and Vidoq TALK TO EACH OTHER about leaving, THEN LEAVE, and NO ONE SPEAKS OF OR TO ALLEGRA."
March 1, 2017 – page 180
46.39% "Various grammatical sins."
March 1, 2017 – page 191
49.23% "Introduces a made up, contextless Urban Fantastical object. Stark dismisses its existence as "a fairy tale" ...in a world where magic is real. Author does not explain what it is, what it's supposed to do, or why it might be perceived as intimidating or threatening."
March 1, 2017 – page 207
53.35% "Bruising "like a Jackson Pollock" would be an inappropriate way of showing damage from having your chest cavity metaphysically rooted through in the way that was previously described. Do you not know what a Jackson Pollock looks like? If Stark somehow sustains only vascular bruising, SOMEONE NEEDS TO SAY THAT."
March 1, 2017 – page 248
63.92% "Several pages ago, it was made abundantly clear that Josef is not a man, but a collection of independent godlings in a skinsuit. Now, this legion of godlings can be killed in toto by a beheading. Despite the painstaking detail in describing their other-ness in colors, their blood runs human red. Despite previous descriptions of Kissi like this as terrifying and nearly unkillable, this one suddenly dies real easy."
March 1, 2017 – page 220
56.7% "Almost 2/3 of the way through the book, we find out why it's called Sandman Slim. We're not -explained- why, it's just some arbitrary nickname Heaven seems to have assigned to him and everyone but Stark knows about. It's like calling Harry "The Boy Who Lived" but never, ever explaining to anyone what he lived through or why it's significant that he lived through it."
Final updates:
p. 278 - We finally learn that Stark's jeans are black, not blue. Not that this isn't allowed, but it's a detail that you'd think might have been put in there before page 278.
p. 294 - Stark hates Glocks, and people who like Glocks, because of some sort of perceived father-figure-fetishization of Steve McQueen. Remember, in the book, set in 2009, Stark is 30 years old, and his been stuck in Hell since he was 19. Unsure where he's been able to pick all of this extensive gun knowledge, let alone all of his dated pop culture biases.
pp. 341-342 - fundamental misunderstanding of dogs.
p. 346 - I expect this sort of "kill God, become God" bullshit purpose from teenagers, not grown men.
So, in sum: this stinks. In addition to all the above, there's some baseline latent homophobia ("f*gg*t" lazily tossed around, dick sucking jokes, etc) that a book published in 2009 should know better than to just let slide through. The author tosses crossroads of LA out as locations like the audience is supposed to instinctively know what those places look like or why they matter. The Sandman Slim nickname literally never, ever gets explained. And, perhaps most annoying and obviously, Stark is a poorly written Marty Stu, a stand-in for whatever grand fantasties the author has had for himself and has never been able to accomplish. If this were a female character, she'd be torn to shreds in a review, but because dude-ical Urban Fantasy rules, or something, Stark gets a pass on all of his petulant everything. The book fails the Bechdel test (none of the female characters even speak to each other, most are just cannon fodder); Stark, after holding fast and true to his Alice-ideal for like 340 pages, pops one up out of nowhere for a nu-vampire in the throes of bloodlust, and can I mention again how Allegra just GETS LEFT IN A CAVE?
Failure to execute on SO MANY levels. If you want to read something like this, go read F. Paul Wilson's Repairman Jack series instead. It might meander, but at least the character holds true.
February 22, 2017 – Currently Reading
February 23, 2017 – page 91
23.45% "Picked this up bc I realized wasn't quite up to timeline with Repairman Jack. Fine, because this is essentially the same thing. A few minor annoyances so far that break continuity, but mostly fine."
(ETA - I thought I'd added this as an update, but I'm not seeing it. Ok. Somewhere, in the first 91 pages, Stark heads to his old apartment, now occupied by an old friend, wearing some "new" clothes - most notably, a tshirt from the place where he is now crashing. Upon arrival at his old place, his old friend criticizes his appearance, commenting that 'it makes him look like a teenager'. (It's a tshirt, not braces, for fuck's sake.) His friend, disgusted, throws a pile of Stark's old shirts at him to change in to. 1) why did Vidoq hang on to these clothes for ELEVEN YEARS? 2) These shirts are from when Stark last lived in the apartment. Eleven years ago. When he was NINETEEN. How is changing in to the clothes of A LITERAL NINETEEN YEAR OLD going to make him look any better than he does right now, Kadrey? Goddammit, you have solved exactly ZERO THINGS with this exchange.)
March 1, 2017 – page 150
38.66% "Officially hate-reading this."
March 1, 2017 – page 151
38.92% "Stark drinks & drives. Like rape, if there's a point to this behavior, I think it's lazy, but at least I get it. But there isn't. We already know that he's a 19 yr old in a 30 yr old's body, prone to do reckless, idiotic things. This is reckless and idiotic for the sake of being reckless and idiotic. He lives, bc "hard to kill". Obvs."
March 1, 2017 – page 153
39.43% "Despite disappearing from this mortal coil 11 years ago, and appearing now in better shape than ever, Stark still fits perfectly in to his 19 year old self's jeans. Bullshit. But also that this sort of jarring, nonsensical stuff is world breaking//crappy editing."
March 1, 2017 – page 155
39.95% "Stark is angry at a pair of suits because their sunglasses represent all that he hates about yuppie-Suit-types. So angry, that he internally muses about killing them if one of them so much as blinks. Which he'd never know, because as he's just said, they're wearing sunglasses, the sort that they never, ever take off. Literally, you just said this a paragraph ago."
March 1, 2017 – page 155
39.95% "So help me god, even in a fictional version of The Bradbury Building, it is a) not steam powered, you drooling fantastical autoclave, and b) IS NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE ALLOWED TO BE DESCRIBED AS A "RATTRAP". Fuck you and every goth you've ever rode in on, Kadrey."
March 1, 2017 – page 156
40.21% "Again, under "breaking reality with no words or explanation because URBAN FANTASY," he describes a fucking TRINKET FURNITURE STORE on the third floor of THE GODDAMN BRADBURY BUILDING. The Bradbury is a fucking office building, has never been 2+ retail, you idiotic sack of weasel scabs, which you would know, if you'd done any sort of research besides fanwanking to your own mythos. I am screaming in to the pages."
March 1, 2017 – page 178
45.88% "p. 162: Stark dresses down the plucky young new female assistant to prevent her from coming with them on a heist. p. 179: author fails to retrieve assistant from last known location, WHICH THE CHARACTERS VISIT. Next paragraph: task which assistant has been specifically recruited for has been accomplished, with no author-words."
March 1, 2017 – page 179
46.13% "If you've ever worked in theatre, you know that any objects you bring in to the scene must somehow, logically, also exit the scene. If they don't, the object is either unnecessary or you're a shitty playwright. In this case, the object is AN ENTIRE CHARACTER and it's both. Stark and Vidoq TALK TO EACH OTHER about leaving, THEN LEAVE, and NO ONE SPEAKS OF OR TO ALLEGRA."
March 1, 2017 – page 180
46.39% "Various grammatical sins."
March 1, 2017 – page 191
49.23% "Introduces a made up, contextless Urban Fantastical object. Stark dismisses its existence as "a fairy tale" ...in a world where magic is real. Author does not explain what it is, what it's supposed to do, or why it might be perceived as intimidating or threatening."
March 1, 2017 – page 207
53.35% "Bruising "like a Jackson Pollock" would be an inappropriate way of showing damage from having your chest cavity metaphysically rooted through in the way that was previously described. Do you not know what a Jackson Pollock looks like? If Stark somehow sustains only vascular bruising, SOMEONE NEEDS TO SAY THAT."
March 1, 2017 – page 248
63.92% "Several pages ago, it was made abundantly clear that Josef is not a man, but a collection of independent godlings in a skinsuit. Now, this legion of godlings can be killed in toto by a beheading. Despite the painstaking detail in describing their other-ness in colors, their blood runs human red. Despite previous descriptions of Kissi like this as terrifying and nearly unkillable, this one suddenly dies real easy."
March 1, 2017 – page 220
56.7% "Almost 2/3 of the way through the book, we find out why it's called Sandman Slim. We're not -explained- why, it's just some arbitrary nickname Heaven seems to have assigned to him and everyone but Stark knows about. It's like calling Harry "The Boy Who Lived" but never, ever explaining to anyone what he lived through or why it's significant that he lived through it."
Final updates:
p. 278 - We finally learn that Stark's jeans are black, not blue. Not that this isn't allowed, but it's a detail that you'd think might have been put in there before page 278.
p. 294 - Stark hates Glocks, and people who like Glocks, because of some sort of perceived father-figure-fetishization of Steve McQueen. Remember, in the book, set in 2009, Stark is 30 years old, and his been stuck in Hell since he was 19. Unsure where he's been able to pick all of this extensive gun knowledge, let alone all of his dated pop culture biases.
pp. 341-342 - fundamental misunderstanding of dogs.
p. 346 - I expect this sort of "kill God, become God" bullshit purpose from teenagers, not grown men.
So, in sum: this stinks. In addition to all the above, there's some baseline latent homophobia ("f*gg*t" lazily tossed around, dick sucking jokes, etc) that a book published in 2009 should know better than to just let slide through. The author tosses crossroads of LA out as locations like the audience is supposed to instinctively know what those places look like or why they matter. The Sandman Slim nickname literally never, ever gets explained. And, perhaps most annoying and obviously, Stark is a poorly written Marty Stu, a stand-in for whatever grand fantasties the author has had for himself and has never been able to accomplish. If this were a female character, she'd be torn to shreds in a review, but because dude-ical Urban Fantasy rules, or something, Stark gets a pass on all of his petulant everything. The book fails the Bechdel test (none of the female characters even speak to each other, most are just cannon fodder); Stark, after holding fast and true to his Alice-ideal for like 340 pages, pops one up out of nowhere for a nu-vampire in the throes of bloodlust, and can I mention again how Allegra just GETS LEFT IN A CAVE?
Failure to execute on SO MANY levels. If you want to read something like this, go read F. Paul Wilson's Repairman Jack series instead. It might meander, but at least the character holds true.