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A review by adhdru
Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
emotional
reflective
sad
5.0
"To have love snatched from you, especially unexpectedly, and then to be told to turn to memories. Rather than succor, my memories bring eloquent stabs of pain that say, "This is what you will never have again".
It feels strange to rate a book that is so much about emotion, pain, longing —grief. A book that is so personal, and yet so universal in this times of global pandemic.
There is so much I could relate to even though I'm on the other side of the world from where she writes, although my family is in a different continent from hers, despite losing a different parental figure. Reading this book reminded me of a quote from "The Deep", by Rivers Solomon: “What is belonging?” we ask. She says, “Where loneliness ends.” —in a way, reading Notes on Grief reminded me that I belong to grief and it belongs to me, and to the many others who have had the joy to love and the agony to mourn.
It feels strange to rate a book that is so much about emotion, pain, longing —grief. A book that is so personal, and yet so universal in this times of global pandemic.
There is so much I could relate to even though I'm on the other side of the world from where she writes, although my family is in a different continent from hers, despite losing a different parental figure. Reading this book reminded me of a quote from "The Deep", by Rivers Solomon: “What is belonging?” we ask. She says, “Where loneliness ends.” —in a way, reading Notes on Grief reminded me that I belong to grief and it belongs to me, and to the many others who have had the joy to love and the agony to mourn.
Quotes that felt like my soul was ripped out of my body, exposed and then retold to me by someone infinitely more eloquent than me:
"[...] utterly unraveling, screaming and pounding the floor. The news is like a vicious uprooting. I am yanked away from the world I have known since childhood. And I am resistant"
"Our Zoom call is beyond surreal, all of us weeping and weeping and weeping, in different parts of the world"
"[...] laughter is a part of grief. Laughter is tightly braided into our family argot, and now we laugh remembering [...], but somewhere in the background there is a haze of disbelief. The laughter trails off. The laughter becomes tears and becomes sadness and becomes rage."
"It was so fast, too fast. It was not supposed to happen like this, not like a malicious surprise, not during a pandemic that has shut down the world."
"Often, too, there is the urge to run and run, to hide. But I cannot alwys run, and each time I am forced to squarely confront my grief [...] I feel a shimmering panic."
"I back away from condolences. People are kind, people mean well, but knowing this does not make their words rankle less."
"'Never' has come to stay. 'Never' feels so unfairly punitive. For the rest of my life, I will live with my hands outstreched for things that are no longer there."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death of parent and Death
Moderate: Kidnapping
Minor: War