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zmagpie 's review for:
He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
I read this book because I'm super new to the Western dating game. I've been in super committed monogomous relationships back in my home country, and dating like they do in the western world is not quite the same. When I moved here, I had (having) a difficult time adjusting because the whole framework for meeting people asking people out is so different. Quite the culture shock for me. It's not as simple as, oh we know each other well enough, now that we know we're also attracted to each other, let's be in a relationship.
There's so much more nuance here. And I needed a book to educate myself, even if it's a book I picked up because I enjoyed its namesake movie, the rom-com.
And for a long time, I've been bad at reading signals, for what they truly are: if someone is making you feel anxious or insecure for no good reason, it just means they're not into you. And I had caught myself at the receiving end of these feelings, having expectations from all the wrong men, just because I was into them.
This book is a cut and dry, there's only one real takeaway. If someone is into you, they will make effort. If not, it's just not going to happen.
This book does assign a lot of power to the "man" and sort of expects women to just wait around, but I think the message isn't as trivial as that. The submissive nature of a woman's role in dating did trigger me. But the crux is much more subtler than that. It's more about... If someone is into you, they will make effort and won't keep you guessing.
If I was interested in someone, I don't think they'll magically ask me out. I still have to do the work of having a conversation with them, flirting with them, being genuine with them, build chemistry, and actually express my interest. And even after I've made my interest clear, if I don't sense reciprocation, I need to let that horse go, let it run free.
It's more about being extremely realistic and not make excuses for someone's behaviour just because...well... you're into them.
There's so much more nuance here. And I needed a book to educate myself, even if it's a book I picked up because I enjoyed its namesake movie, the rom-com.
And for a long time, I've been bad at reading signals, for what they truly are: if someone is making you feel anxious or insecure for no good reason, it just means they're not into you. And I had caught myself at the receiving end of these feelings, having expectations from all the wrong men, just because I was into them.
This book is a cut and dry, there's only one real takeaway. If someone is into you, they will make effort. If not, it's just not going to happen.
This book does assign a lot of power to the "man" and sort of expects women to just wait around, but I think the message isn't as trivial as that. The submissive nature of a woman's role in dating did trigger me. But the crux is much more subtler than that. It's more about... If someone is into you, they will make effort and won't keep you guessing.
If I was interested in someone, I don't think they'll magically ask me out. I still have to do the work of having a conversation with them, flirting with them, being genuine with them, build chemistry, and actually express my interest. And even after I've made my interest clear, if I don't sense reciprocation, I need to let that horse go, let it run free.
It's more about being extremely realistic and not make excuses for someone's behaviour just because...well... you're into them.