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A review by audrey_dracosversion
Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
dark
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
1.0
~~~~🥀Final Review🥀~~~~
Housekeeping
1. I will try to avoid spoilers and cover those that I do want to discuss, but I AM human and I DO make mistakes, so if you have not read/finished Fifty Shades of Grey please tread with caution.
2. My reviews are NOT PG. I swear and for some books I might talk dirty.
3. I have pretty much nothing good to say about this book. If you like this book, this is probably NOT the review for you.
4. My rating is 1.5 stars rounded down to 1.
5. 🚨🚨POSSIBLE TW!!!🚨🚨 S.A., molestation, pedophilia and r@pe
Rest of Review
Fifty Shades of Grey
(noun) fifty shades of fucked up
You're making a fool of me
💄Overall Thoughts💄
*rubs temples* Guys... Where do I start with the dumpster fire that is this book? I guess I understand why this book is so popular. It basically kick-started what we know today as "dark romance" and "smut". However...it's just bad. That's it, that's the thought. It is objectively not a good book.
🌺Writing Style + Writing Ability🌺
I think the thing that grated on me the most was the writing style. It's repetitive, bumpy, and insanely cringy. I just like...
Housekeeping
1. I will try to avoid spoilers and cover those that I do want to discuss, but I AM human and I DO make mistakes, so if you have not read/finished Fifty Shades of Grey please tread with caution.
2. My reviews are NOT PG. I swear and for some books I might talk dirty.
3. I have pretty much nothing good to say about this book. If you like this book, this is probably NOT the review for you.
4. My rating is 1.5 stars rounded down to 1.
5. 🚨🚨POSSIBLE TW!!!🚨🚨 S.A., molestation, pedophilia and r@pe
Rest of Review
Fifty Shades of Grey
(noun) fifty shades of fucked up
You're making a fool of me
💄Overall Thoughts💄
*rubs temples* Guys... Where do I start with the dumpster fire that is this book? I guess I understand why this book is so popular. It basically kick-started what we know today as "dark romance" and "smut". However...it's just bad. That's it, that's the thought. It is objectively not a good book.
🌺Writing Style + Writing Ability🌺
I think the thing that grated on me the most was the writing style. It's repetitive, bumpy, and insanely cringy. I just like...
mentally grinding my loins
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN??? Do you see what I mean? Like half the book doesn't make any sense. E.L. James cannot write to save her life, apparently. It's also full of inconsistencies. You can't convince me that Christian is not a 'hearts and flowers' kind of guy after the gliding situation...that was really cute I'll give the damn book that. But the point is, that was definitely romantic, and yet the whole book (before and after that) they just kept saying he wasn't a hearts and flowers guy. He certainly TALKS like one, too! It's just non consistent and that bothered me to no end.
🫧Plot🫧
0_0
Ok, look. I understand that the plot is basically just smut. That's it, that's the plot. HOWEVER. If that is going to be your plot, please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, confirm your ability to write good smut. Like please! Some of the stuff she wrote, especially when Ana loses her virginity...it's just not realistic or even plausible.
🪻Characters🪻
FMC
For my sanity's sake, lets start with Ana.
🫧Plot🫧
0_0
Ok, look. I understand that the plot is basically just smut. That's it, that's the plot. HOWEVER. If that is going to be your plot, please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, confirm your ability to write good smut. Like please! Some of the stuff she wrote, especially when Ana loses her virginity...it's just not realistic or even plausible.
🪻Characters🪻
FMC
For my sanity's sake, lets start with Ana.
You are quite simply exquisite. The most beautiful, intelligent, witty, and brave woman
These are the adjectives Christian uses pretty damn early in the book. Let's evaluate.
1. Beautiful. I mean, sure. It's Ana's monologue, so obviously she downplays her beauty, but she must be beautiful if she's a woman. I mean, aren't we all tens?
2. Intelligent. I MUST NOT TELL LIES. Ana is legit one of the STUPIDEST 'heroines' I have ever had the displeasure to read about. Like girllll. Just the way her inner monologue flows....I swear if I ever read the other two books I'm going to have to like chew gum the entire time just to make sure I'm not grinding my teeth. But more on that later.
3. Witty. She has wit, I'll give her that. But does she really use it when she's not turned on by Christian? Not really. So what's the point?
4. Brave. You gotta be some kind of brave to agree to what she did at the end of the book, and honestly to just agree to the contract in general. So sure, she's brave.
Back to her inner monologue... Her 'inner goddess'? Guys what does this even mean? Is it supposed to be the angel on your shoulder? Like...and why was her entire subconsciousness the devil? Like serious side-eye. 😐
MMC
*cries in weird love for Christian Grey*
1. Beautiful. I mean, sure. It's Ana's monologue, so obviously she downplays her beauty, but she must be beautiful if she's a woman. I mean, aren't we all tens?
2. Intelligent. I MUST NOT TELL LIES. Ana is legit one of the STUPIDEST 'heroines' I have ever had the displeasure to read about. Like girllll. Just the way her inner monologue flows....I swear if I ever read the other two books I'm going to have to like chew gum the entire time just to make sure I'm not grinding my teeth. But more on that later.
3. Witty. She has wit, I'll give her that. But does she really use it when she's not turned on by Christian? Not really. So what's the point?
4. Brave. You gotta be some kind of brave to agree to what she did at the end of the book, and honestly to just agree to the contract in general. So sure, she's brave.
Back to her inner monologue... Her 'inner goddess'? Guys what does this even mean? Is it supposed to be the angel on your shoulder? Like...and why was her entire subconsciousness the devil? Like serious side-eye. 😐
MMC
*cries in weird love for Christian Grey*
Look at him now -- Christian cannot take his eyes off you."
THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING! When the MC is too oblivious to realize it but their best friend does that the love interest is obviously very VERY in love or getting there and its just 😩😩😩. It's so perfect. Also, the way Christian TALKS?? I--aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩
🚨🚨TRIGGER WARNINGS: See Housekeeping item #5 for specifics🚨🚨
HOWEVER! As much as I do love him...*sighs* there is one thing that I have a lot of trouble believing: him not resenting Mrs Robinson. Like boy she practically S.A.'d and raped you. It was definitely pedophilia. Every time Ana pointed that out, I found myself nodding. Like, I don't care what you say, and how grateful you are to her for 'introducing you to your lifestyle'. It's pedophilia and why the fuck is she a business partner and friend? If I were Ana I would be bothered by you going out to dinner with her too! She's not being ridiculous, she's being right.
🚨🚨TOPIC OVER🚨🚨
SIDE CHARACTERS
KATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Taylor just spawns lol I feel like butlers (bc that's basically what Taylor is) seem to do that a lot lol
💨Favorites💨
Favorite Character: Kate
Favorite Scene: Hangliding
Favorite Quote:
🚨🚨TRIGGER WARNINGS: See Housekeeping item #5 for specifics🚨🚨
HOWEVER! As much as I do love him...*sighs* there is one thing that I have a lot of trouble believing: him not resenting Mrs Robinson. Like boy she practically S.A.'d and raped you. It was definitely pedophilia. Every time Ana pointed that out, I found myself nodding. Like, I don't care what you say, and how grateful you are to her for 'introducing you to your lifestyle'. It's pedophilia and why the fuck is she a business partner and friend? If I were Ana I would be bothered by you going out to dinner with her too! She's not being ridiculous, she's being right.
🚨🚨TOPIC OVER🚨🚨
SIDE CHARACTERS
KATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Taylor just spawns lol I feel like butlers (bc that's basically what Taylor is) seem to do that a lot lol
💨Favorites💨
Favorite Character: Kate
Favorite Scene: Hangliding
Favorite Quote:
It's very hard to grow up in a perfect family when you're not perfect
🌊Final Thoughts🌊
I'm not going to lie, it had some redeeming qualities and if written better I think it could have some potential. However, I just didn't vibe with it, and when I read the next books (IF EVER) I'm probably going to have issues with those too. What a shame that the music for the movies is so good, because lord knows the movies themselves are probably not (I haven't seem them and now have no desire to).
That's it for now! Let's go light it up and rattle some stars, bitches. Mwah 💋
~~~~🍂pre-review🍂~~~~
Erm...fifty shades of fucked up? Try 525,600. Actually, don't - this book doesn't deserve to be associated with an amazing musical such as Rent.
~~~~🍃pre-read🍃~~~~
i’ve heard so much about this series. i know a lot of the songs from the movie series so im super excited to see if it lives up to the hype!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Moderate: Physical abuse
Minor: Pedophilia and Sexual assault