A review by crystalisreading
The Scarlett Letters: My Secret Year of Men in an L.A. Dungeon by Jenny Nordbak

4.0

I don't usually offer ratings or content warnings, but this book is NSFW, and is for adults only. Not for the faint of heart or squeamish. There's multiple instances of drug use as well as the to-be-expected kinky sexuality throughout. It is, nevertheless, a compulsively readable memoir. Not high literature, and more of a reflection of sex work than of BDSM, but fascinating in its glimpses of the extremely wide range of possible kinks.
Nordbak's story is mostly focused on her time in the Dungeon, but it also encompasses her personal life leading up to, during, and after her time in the dungeon. She'd been through some trauma in her life, and her ability to move forward and keep trying new things was good. I was, however, extremely turned off by her use of illegal drugs. At least she was honest about it, I guess, but the drugs and the way she got them really drove home her lack of responsibility to me. And her privilege. As a white girl from a successful family in L.A., she got a pretty useless sounding college degree (me too--no judging there), but had a mom running a business, so she got a good job that she kept even when she was totally distracted by her work at the Dungeon and admittedly regularly cutting out early from her full time work to go to the Dungeon. So she had a job for which she was not qualified, because of personal connections, and was able to use drugs without fear of repercussion, because she was a privileged white girl. And that's a part of her reality that she doesn't address. She also seems to dismiss how her choices affected other people's feelings, specifically how she treated a woman in her life during this time. Polyamorous relationships, as I understand them, are supposed to be about caring for all the people you're involved with, not just your 'primary' lover. What Jenny describes felt more generically "open" than polyamorous, and not very kind to at least one of the other lovers in her life.
So as much as I enjoyed the journey in this story, of reading about Jenny's clients and coworkers, I can't say the overall story was satisfying. Jenny spent most of the book searching for herself, and even at the height of her involvement with and enjoyment of her work dominating at the Dungeon, she still sounded like she was lost and trying to impress others. She admits as much several times throughout the book. If you aren't secure in your own identity, no change of culture or scenery or activities will fix that. So perhaps that's why it's difficult for me to really buy the HEA ending she assures the reader she's gotten. Because seekers who need external validation and identity won't usually stay satisfied, unless they've truly changed internally. One can hope for her sake that the latter is the case for Nordbak.
Regardless, the story, as it pertains to her clients, her coworkers, and their subculture, offers fascinating glimpses into a necessarily private work, and as such kept me reading far too late most nights until I was finished with the book.