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A review by chloe_liese
How Not to Let Go by Emily Foster
5.0
This book intelligently, compassionately explored the often overlooked tension between loving someone and being able to make a relationship work with them. Maybe it’s because I love someone who’s experienced a monstrous family life like Charles, but I found both him and Annie highly relatable. She struggled with loving him and not wanting to fix him or push him to tackle his pain her way. I got that. I have hurt that way and said, “why aren’t I enough for you?” Which was of course overlooking the whole truth of just how difficult it is for people different from us to heal, and for us as their partners to honor and actively support their own path towards growth and closure.
I don’t know where other reviewers come at this with disappointment or feeling unable to relate, but maybe they’re unacquainted with this kind of hardship, or they don’t like a book that foregrounds it prominently. Perhaps this is a book meant for people whose hearts have broken, whose relationships have nearly capsized or totally crumbled before resurrecting, in the wake of family and childhood trauma, only after monumental personal effort. Charles didn’t strike me as adolescent—he struck me as a traumatized man struggling to face the extent of his trauma’s impact on his ability to live fully and love well. I found his honesty compelling because he was was constantly trying to make sense of it, and that inquiry led him to ascend the place he feared most and find the closure he needed to heal and love Annie as he wanted to.
I don’t know where other reviewers come at this with disappointment or feeling unable to relate, but maybe they’re unacquainted with this kind of hardship, or they don’t like a book that foregrounds it prominently. Perhaps this is a book meant for people whose hearts have broken, whose relationships have nearly capsized or totally crumbled before resurrecting, in the wake of family and childhood trauma, only after monumental personal effort. Charles didn’t strike me as adolescent—he struck me as a traumatized man struggling to face the extent of his trauma’s impact on his ability to live fully and love well. I found his honesty compelling because he was was constantly trying to make sense of it, and that inquiry led him to ascend the place he feared most and find the closure he needed to heal and love Annie as he wanted to.