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A review by thebooknerdscorner
Staying Married is the Hardest Part: A Memoir of Passion, Secrets, and Sacrifice by Bonnie Comfort
5.0
An open and honest memoir that unravels the complexity of marriage, explores sexuality, and spares no details when it comes to the ugly parts of relationships and the compromise needed for marriages to thrive.
This memoir really had me thinking about so many different things. This book may be Bonnie's personal life story with her husband, Bob, but it is definitely part self-help book, too. Bonnie is a psychologist with over thirty years of experience, and this is quite evident in the way she writes and the way that she explores relationships. Bonnie truly gets people.
I don't think I've ever read a memoir in which the author was so open about their sex life. Bonnie felt sexually broken for most of her adult life, which is a feeling that most women can honestly relate to in some way. The sexual relationship she had with her husband Bob is quite abnormal and is a bit abusive at times. I couldn't imagine being with someone who treated her like that for so many years, but reading this memoir in full, I understand why Bonnie stayed with him through all the ups and downs. The questions this book raises about consent and what is allowed in a long-term relationship was also quite fascinating to consider.
The way that Bonnie eventually learns to accept herself sexually is inspiring. All the facts that she shares with the reader about women orgasming during intercourse were quite enlightening, and I wish that resources such as this would be more widely available to young women who are trying to discover their sexual desires and preferences so that they all get the chance to avoid feeling broken for things that are perfectly normal. I've definitely been there, so it was really reassuring to read some of these facts (even thought this isn't the first time I've read some of this information).
Marriage is really about finding someone that accepts you for who you are who is also willing to compromise when it comes to things that you can't agree on. If a married couple can't agree to disagree, this is how relationships often come to an end. It is so inspirational to see how Bonnie stays for the long haul with Bob, even when he was completely depressed, sexually abusing her, and treating her with disrespect. This gives me hope that no matter the pitfalls I'll experience, I will be able to maintain a long-term relationship. To be completely honest though, I would have left Bob if he forced me to do some of the things he pressured Bonnie into doing. Some of these instances were so hard to read about; I can't fathom the man I love doing that to me.
The end portion of this book turns the emotions up to one hundred percent. Not only was watching Bob deteriorate such a sad experience, but reading about Bonnie healing in the aftermath of Bob being gone was so beautiful. Bonnie went through so much in their time together, and there is so much that she realizes about her and Bob's relationship after he is no longer with her. This is such a strong reminder that it can be so hard to see other's pain, and that open communication is truly the only way to know another's thoughts. Poor communication seems to be the ultimate kicker when it comes to many relationships, and the end section of this book did a great job reminding me of that.
Overall, "Staying Married is the Hardest Part" is an emotional read that is completely open and honest about the immense challenge it is to keep a marital relationship thriving. Bonnie dives deep into her sex life, the outdated mentalities she was raised on, and the strategies she used to compromise with her husband that she often disagreed with. This book is mainly a memoir, but it also acts as a psychology self-help book that allows the reader to take a deeper look at their relationships (both platonic and romantic). I was quite moved by this memoir and am honored that Bonnie was willing to share her story with me and the rest of the world.
This memoir really had me thinking about so many different things. This book may be Bonnie's personal life story with her husband, Bob, but it is definitely part self-help book, too. Bonnie is a psychologist with over thirty years of experience, and this is quite evident in the way she writes and the way that she explores relationships. Bonnie truly gets people.
I don't think I've ever read a memoir in which the author was so open about their sex life. Bonnie felt sexually broken for most of her adult life, which is a feeling that most women can honestly relate to in some way. The sexual relationship she had with her husband Bob is quite abnormal and is a bit abusive at times. I couldn't imagine being with someone who treated her like that for so many years, but reading this memoir in full, I understand why Bonnie stayed with him through all the ups and downs. The questions this book raises about consent and what is allowed in a long-term relationship was also quite fascinating to consider.
The way that Bonnie eventually learns to accept herself sexually is inspiring. All the facts that she shares with the reader about women orgasming during intercourse were quite enlightening, and I wish that resources such as this would be more widely available to young women who are trying to discover their sexual desires and preferences so that they all get the chance to avoid feeling broken for things that are perfectly normal. I've definitely been there, so it was really reassuring to read some of these facts (even thought this isn't the first time I've read some of this information).
Marriage is really about finding someone that accepts you for who you are who is also willing to compromise when it comes to things that you can't agree on. If a married couple can't agree to disagree, this is how relationships often come to an end. It is so inspirational to see how Bonnie stays for the long haul with Bob, even when he was completely depressed, sexually abusing her, and treating her with disrespect. This gives me hope that no matter the pitfalls I'll experience, I will be able to maintain a long-term relationship. To be completely honest though, I would have left Bob if he forced me to do some of the things he pressured Bonnie into doing. Some of these instances were so hard to read about; I can't fathom the man I love doing that to me.
The end portion of this book turns the emotions up to one hundred percent. Not only was watching Bob deteriorate such a sad experience, but reading about Bonnie healing in the aftermath of Bob being gone was so beautiful. Bonnie went through so much in their time together, and there is so much that she realizes about her and Bob's relationship after he is no longer with her. This is such a strong reminder that it can be so hard to see other's pain, and that open communication is truly the only way to know another's thoughts. Poor communication seems to be the ultimate kicker when it comes to many relationships, and the end section of this book did a great job reminding me of that.
Overall, "Staying Married is the Hardest Part" is an emotional read that is completely open and honest about the immense challenge it is to keep a marital relationship thriving. Bonnie dives deep into her sex life, the outdated mentalities she was raised on, and the strategies she used to compromise with her husband that she often disagreed with. This book is mainly a memoir, but it also acts as a psychology self-help book that allows the reader to take a deeper look at their relationships (both platonic and romantic). I was quite moved by this memoir and am honored that Bonnie was willing to share her story with me and the rest of the world.