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A review by bookishflaneur
You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
‘she has always known first what i have yet to discover, has always seen it before i could.
look at me, i wanted to say to her then. please don’t look away.’
‘maybe one day you’ll learn you can’t treat people with such disregard. even yourself.’
when i reached the part of you exist too much from which the title comes, there was a genuine and sudden ache in my heart.
you exist too much is a coming of age story that follows a young palestinian woman as she grows into adulthood. it deals with the topic of codependency and setting boundaries with the mother that raised you, learning to recognise how to have healthy familial relationships. it comments on israel/palestine and a lot of the history of the middle east. it also talks about settling as a young adult and forging relationships, both platonic and romantic, in adult life.
arafat captures what it means to be in the liminal space between cultures through the main character, who feels her arab identity as such a large part of her yet struggles to fit into some aspects of the culture and expectations. as the main character learns about herself, she also reflects on how her mother’s traumatic youth impacted her profoundly, despite her current status and seeming power. the book flits around the topic of religion and the stigma around queer people in the middle east but recognises that homophobia is something that is rooted in people rather than religion and is something that can be unlearnt.
as the unnamed main character grows up, she deals with a destructive search for love as she learns what is healthy. she finds herself keeping distant from long term partners and obsessing over unattainable almost strangers, a ‘love addiction’ that leads to her struggling with disordered eating and other destructive habits. the book deals with her trying to learn to find healthy love, but the journey is realistic, frustrating and painful to read. i thoroughly enjoyed the writing style - it’s not lyrical nor overly simplistic but is reflective and honest and unfiltered - the book almost reads like a memoir. overall i would highly recommend the book as a queer coming of age, as a book about identity and race, as a book about healing.
look at me, i wanted to say to her then. please don’t look away.’
‘maybe one day you’ll learn you can’t treat people with such disregard. even yourself.’
when i reached the part of you exist too much from which the title comes, there was a genuine and sudden ache in my heart.
you exist too much is a coming of age story that follows a young palestinian woman as she grows into adulthood. it deals with the topic of codependency and setting boundaries with the mother that raised you, learning to recognise how to have healthy familial relationships. it comments on israel/palestine and a lot of the history of the middle east. it also talks about settling as a young adult and forging relationships, both platonic and romantic, in adult life.
arafat captures what it means to be in the liminal space between cultures through the main character, who feels her arab identity as such a large part of her yet struggles to fit into some aspects of the culture and expectations. as the main character learns about herself, she also reflects on how her mother’s traumatic youth impacted her profoundly, despite her current status and seeming power. the book flits around the topic of religion and the stigma around queer people in the middle east but recognises that homophobia is something that is rooted in people rather than religion and is something that can be unlearnt.
as the unnamed main character grows up, she deals with a destructive search for love as she learns what is healthy. she finds herself keeping distant from long term partners and obsessing over unattainable almost strangers, a ‘love addiction’ that leads to her struggling with disordered eating and other destructive habits. the book deals with her trying to learn to find healthy love, but the journey is realistic, frustrating and painful to read. i thoroughly enjoyed the writing style - it’s not lyrical nor overly simplistic but is reflective and honest and unfiltered - the book almost reads like a memoir. overall i would highly recommend the book as a queer coming of age, as a book about identity and race, as a book about healing.