mackenziewilson951 's review for:

Before We Were Strangers by Renée Carlino

1.0

medium-paced

Plot or Character Driven: Character

Strong character development: No

Loveable characters: No

Diverse cast of characters: No

Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes

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I would've loved this book before my frontal lobe developed (derogatory)

Things Matt would love in 2025:

• The male loneliness epidemic
• Jordan Peterson
• Trad wife content

Things Grace would love in 2025:

• Any form of social media
• Find my Friends
• Trauma therapy (after Tatiana forced her to find a therapist)

Honestly, based on the reviews of this book and the description, I was SO down for this month's pick for my book club AND I WAS I WRONG. If this book wasn't for my book club, I absolutely would've DNF'ed it. The author literally wrote this whole book to romanticize the most toxic, codependent relationship with a mediocre brunette man that everyone has in college. GIRL, ARE YOU OKAY?  

Matt was honestly a character I was skeptical of from the start and he was just a boring, whiny, angry dude who took no accountability and blamed everyone else for HIS problems. Not to mention, he was not a good guy!!! All he did throughout the book was infantilize Grace so he could be the "hero"; blamed his ex-wife's cheating on their marriage falling apart

EVEN THOUGH HE LITERALLY ADMITTED TO BEING IN LOVE WITH GRACE THROUGHOUT THE 8 YEARS OF THEIR MARRIAGE

; and blame every woman in his life for his problems. Bro, you are in your 30s. GET IT TOGETHER.

Matt in college was even worse and he was also so predatory towards Grace!!!

Fingering someone while they're blackout is still assault!! I don't care if your mom taught you how to. I also fucking hated that his first thought to win the marriage bet was "Oh, gee, guess I got to get her drunker so she'll marry me!!!" Jail. Renee, please seek help if you meant that to be romantic.

Even if it weren't for all of that, he literally had no respect for Grace and

I really did believe that he ghosted her because it didn't seem that out of left field

Grace was so underdeveloped as a character and it made me so sad that we didn't get to know her better. There were so many parts of her to explore and we never did. Instead, she was just a sexy virgin/manic pixie dream girl who played the cello and constantly cried. It felt like every other page she was crying, welling up in tears, or sobbing. Get this girl some antidepressants and a copy of "Codependent No More" PLEASE. It felt like her story got reduced down to only the ways that Matt related to her life. She didn't get to grow apart from him and she was just waiting for him to show up again instead of attempting to live her life.

 

Also, the second the author put in that random line about her throwing up, I knew she was pregnant and I was so pissed. Then we meet Ash and she's all grown up and "so mature for her age" according to everyone. Ash is literally just a parentified child and was waaaaaay too responsible for all the adults in her life. ALSO GRACE MARRIES PORNSAKE?? Free Grace from the absolute predators the author keeps setting her up with, please. I'm sorry but in no way was Pornsake a good guy.

I absolutely hated how the author blamed everything going wrong in Matt's life on his ex-wife Elizabeth. It literally felt like every scene with her was just to paint her as the "bitch ex-wife" when her motivations made the most sense out of any of these characters.

The fact that he literally blamed her cheating on the marriage falling apart after his internal monologue was basically "Oh, woe is ME. I've been in love with Grace for 15 years and I fantasized about her during sex with my wife." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? YOUR MARRIAGE FAILED BECAUSE YOU WERE EMOTIONALLY ABSENT. 

Was Elizabeth in the right for keeping Grace contacting him multiple times a secret? No. HOWEVER, if my man baby of a husband was still hung up on his ex and was a drunk mess after they broke up, I would also not think it was healthy for them to be in contact. Elizabeth, freeing yourself from this man was the smartest choice you ever made. I wish you nothing but happiness with your hopefully emotionally available husband. 

Also, you're going to tell me that Grace never thought to maybe reach out to him at National Geographic?? Especially regarding PARENTAL RIGHTS? HE IS A PULITZER PRIZE WINNING PHOTOGRAPHER IN THE SAME CITY AS YOU!

Overall, this book fell apart for me pretty fast and the love story was just not worth it. Read at your own risk and I'm sorry if your book club ever forces you to read this.