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A review by poultrymunitions
The Water Thief by Jane Kindred
1.0
you know what time it is.
this is a novel so pantsed and demented i had to rage-quit at 80 percent.
so much bullshit. so much.
nothing makes any sense. occasionally, the author visibly writes herself into a corner and then—zoot! here, have some bullshit.
or
or
so.
yeah.
this novel is full of lies and foolishness, and so is that blurb, which does not accurately reflect what sort of story this is in any way, shape, or form—except for a sneaky pronoun towards the end of it.
*admires oxford comma for a bit, like a moron, before recollecting himself in embarrassment*
...plus! people behaving with such catastrophic stupidity i was grinding my teeth by chapter two, never mind halfway into the story when it turns into something completely different and almost cripplingly annoying.
to say nothing of the POV changes! why would you switch from first person subjective case to third person subjective case? but, like, randomly, whenever you needed one character to do a thing the other character cannot?
the whole fucking book is like that.
'oh shit,' the author appears to realize, belatedly—'i need a thing for the thing so the thing can happen—time to sling some bullshit!'
i tried to put up with it because i was so near the end, and i've been struggling with it for a couple days, but—
but i cannot.
julio out!
but look: if you like the sound of the book the blurb advertises, it's fine. while the plot is completely unhinged, the prose is only occasionally overwrought.
just turn off your brain.
and if you likedual-realm speculative fiction with a magic system so lazily fudged it may as well be called White Dudes Necking In A Body Of Water , well...
...turn off your brain also.
and god help you if you can't.
as for me:
i think this book is a retroactive dafuquery taco.
this is a novel so pantsed and demented i had to rage-quit at 80 percent.
so much bullshit. so much.
nothing makes any sense. occasionally, the author visibly writes herself into a corner and then—zoot! here, have some bullshit.
me: wait, wait, where did he get the oil so he could conveniently have it on hand for fucking in the—
author: oops, my bad. here's some bullshit.
or
me: how did he previously get the money or know how to buy a ticket for the train when today he can't even read arabic numerals to tell what denomination he needs to buy a—
author: haha, no worries, try this bullshit right here.
or
me: why are both men on the cover dressed as olden-times dudes when one of them is at no point through 80 percent of this book out of a goddamned frock except to have hot monkeysex for the love of god in heaven and what the actual fuck?
author: *complete and utter silence while the heady aroma of fresh bullshit wafts from the pages of this book*
so.
yeah.
this novel is full of lies and foolishness, and so is that blurb, which does not accurately reflect what sort of story this is in any way, shape, or form—except for a sneaky pronoun towards the end of it.
*admires oxford comma for a bit, like a moron, before recollecting himself in embarrassment*
...plus! people behaving with such catastrophic stupidity i was grinding my teeth by chapter two, never mind halfway into the story when it turns into something completely different and almost cripplingly annoying.
to say nothing of the POV changes! why would you switch from first person subjective case to third person subjective case? but, like, randomly, whenever you needed one character to do a thing the other character cannot?
the whole fucking book is like that.
'oh shit,' the author appears to realize, belatedly—'i need a thing for the thing so the thing can happen—time to sling some bullshit!'
i tried to put up with it because i was so near the end, and i've been struggling with it for a couple days, but—
but i cannot.
julio out!
but look: if you like the sound of the book the blurb advertises, it's fine. while the plot is completely unhinged, the prose is only occasionally overwrought.
just turn off your brain.
and if you like
...turn off your brain also.
and god help you if you can't.
as for me:
i think this book is a retroactive dafuquery taco.