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A review by browniedoodle
Loveology: God. Love. Marriage. Sex. And the never-ending story of male and female. by John Mark Comer
1.0
I will do my best to leave actual religious preferences and beliefs out of this, because my concerns for this book come from a different place.
First, there is a heavy emphasis on how there is only female and male; the chapter focusing on this goes on to explain gender roles, how we should approach them, not let man be woman or woman be man because we are called to not be like the other. There was such a strong emphasis on that there is -only- female and male, which you don’t have to be a non-believer to know is scientifically not true. Intersex people exist, people with varying genitalia, chromosomes, sexual organs, hormones, etcetera. The book mentions how we are told our gender at birth, and that section is a crude oversimplification of the process. Like all other forms of biology like height, weight, hair, it is not a black and white subject and I think it’d be worthwhile for Christians to view the “grey” of gender and sex more compassionately.
Secondly, the book discusses homosexuality and specifically equates the concept of acting on those “temptations” the same as if he, the author, cheated on his wife with another woman. This is a disturbing comparison that a man betraying and shattering his wife’s trust and marital covenant could be equivalent to a gay relationship that could be a committed, loving, beneficial relationship. These are not the same - you betraying your partner is not the same as same-sex individuals agreeing to be in a potentially healthy, trusting relationship.
Lastly, the book’s author notes how he and his wife were both virgins until they got married, were each other’s first experience of sex, etcetera. He speaks very highly of maintaining your virginity and happily experiencing healthy sex within marriage, which in many ways is not a luxury or privilege everyone has (e.g., sexual assault, needing to do sex work to survive, painful sex, marital r*pe). The book doesn’t discuss the nuance of this, if anything just jokes and makes light of it, which I would also note feels disrespectful for people in which this is a trauma-filled and heavy topic, and it should’ve taken time to acknowledge that more since a major focus of the book is sex. In the words of Rachel Held Evans in “Wholehearted Faith”, “…it was my privilege that protected me from the sharpest edges of my own theology.” The book also speaks poorly of anyone who is actively and continuously in a sexual relationship outside of marriage, saying whether it is now or in 5 years or 100 years things will come crashing down on them. That cocky and cold view of what could again be a healthy, long-lasting and consensual relationship, is upsetting to see in a Christian; to see the book practically anticipate ill will for those sexually active.
Also, to clarify I am not intersex, and I remained a virgin until my hetero marriage. So I am not frustrated about these concepts for my own self, but for the lack of compassion it has towards people who are shamed by the church.
First, there is a heavy emphasis on how there is only female and male; the chapter focusing on this goes on to explain gender roles, how we should approach them, not let man be woman or woman be man because we are called to not be like the other. There was such a strong emphasis on that there is -only- female and male, which you don’t have to be a non-believer to know is scientifically not true. Intersex people exist, people with varying genitalia, chromosomes, sexual organs, hormones, etcetera. The book mentions how we are told our gender at birth, and that section is a crude oversimplification of the process. Like all other forms of biology like height, weight, hair, it is not a black and white subject and I think it’d be worthwhile for Christians to view the “grey” of gender and sex more compassionately.
Secondly, the book discusses homosexuality and specifically equates the concept of acting on those “temptations” the same as if he, the author, cheated on his wife with another woman. This is a disturbing comparison that a man betraying and shattering his wife’s trust and marital covenant could be equivalent to a gay relationship that could be a committed, loving, beneficial relationship. These are not the same - you betraying your partner is not the same as same-sex individuals agreeing to be in a potentially healthy, trusting relationship.
Lastly, the book’s author notes how he and his wife were both virgins until they got married, were each other’s first experience of sex, etcetera. He speaks very highly of maintaining your virginity and happily experiencing healthy sex within marriage, which in many ways is not a luxury or privilege everyone has (e.g., sexual assault, needing to do sex work to survive, painful sex, marital r*pe). The book doesn’t discuss the nuance of this, if anything just jokes and makes light of it, which I would also note feels disrespectful for people in which this is a trauma-filled and heavy topic, and it should’ve taken time to acknowledge that more since a major focus of the book is sex. In the words of Rachel Held Evans in “Wholehearted Faith”, “…it was my privilege that protected me from the sharpest edges of my own theology.” The book also speaks poorly of anyone who is actively and continuously in a sexual relationship outside of marriage, saying whether it is now or in 5 years or 100 years things will come crashing down on them. That cocky and cold view of what could again be a healthy, long-lasting and consensual relationship, is upsetting to see in a Christian; to see the book practically anticipate ill will for those sexually active.
Also, to clarify I am not intersex, and I remained a virgin until my hetero marriage. So I am not frustrated about these concepts for my own self, but for the lack of compassion it has towards people who are shamed by the church.