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mangofandango 's review for:
To Have and to Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma
by Molly Millwood
To be clear, this book is specifically about the transition to motherhood within a heterosexual relationship and the author says so at the beginning. So it won't apply to everyone. But if this is your relationship situation, this book may be immensely resonant and helpful to you.
This book talks a lot about the often undiscussed and unacknowledged impact of the transition to motherhood, emotionally, physically, mentally, and on the parents' relationship to each other. If that impact packed a wallop, as it did for me, reading it even well into motherhood may be helpful. My kids are 5 and 10, and I still related pretty hard to a lot of this book. The author gets into all of this through attachment theory, discussion of cultural gender norms and the lack of social support for new mothers, and professional experience as a therapist. I am finding I don't know how best to talk about this book in a way that doesn't sound very dry. It's not, really. And I think it's important enough that it's going on my shortlist of books about parenting to recommend and buy for new parents. I think many, many mothers will feel very seen and validated by reading this book, and maybe have a clearer view of themselves and their relationships that allows them to let go of guilt and confusion surrounding how hard this can all be. If your relationship and your sense of self took some hits, if you'd like to prepare for your own experience of motherhood and not just for baby, if you just find parenting very hard sometimes, this is a book worth picking up.
This book talks a lot about the often undiscussed and unacknowledged impact of the transition to motherhood, emotionally, physically, mentally, and on the parents' relationship to each other. If that impact packed a wallop, as it did for me, reading it even well into motherhood may be helpful. My kids are 5 and 10, and I still related pretty hard to a lot of this book. The author gets into all of this through attachment theory, discussion of cultural gender norms and the lack of social support for new mothers, and professional experience as a therapist. I am finding I don't know how best to talk about this book in a way that doesn't sound very dry. It's not, really. And I think it's important enough that it's going on my shortlist of books about parenting to recommend and buy for new parents. I think many, many mothers will feel very seen and validated by reading this book, and maybe have a clearer view of themselves and their relationships that allows them to let go of guilt and confusion surrounding how hard this can all be. If your relationship and your sense of self took some hits, if you'd like to prepare for your own experience of motherhood and not just for baby, if you just find parenting very hard sometimes, this is a book worth picking up.