A review by krin
Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman

4.5

I strongly recommend that everyone read this book. While the authors lean really hard into framing the book around arguments with a romantic partner, I believe the tools they share apply to all kinds of conflict and I often found moments where I could apply what I learned at work and in parenting. In some ways, it felt like a take on better negotiation. 

 

Full disclosure, I felt a bit smug reading this book because I have learned A LOT about how to fight productively in the last few years and I think I was able to do that because my brain is very pattern-finding and some of what they identify, I figured out on my own. All that to say, this book resonated with me big-time because it felt like an accessible academic summary of things that have actually worked for me (and much more, with lots of super practical, tactical tips and guides.) 

 

I listened to the audiobook (it was well narrated) and I received a digital ARC so I can refer back to it, but I think I will likely still pick up a print copy so that I can tab and annotate those handy guides. 

 

Some content notes: While I buy into the research they share, I recognize that there may still be some pop psych in there so I'll always take stats and data with a grain of salt. There is clearly some very intentional diverse representation among the example couples (various income levels, different races/cultures, some queer couples) but I think they could have levelled up in their execution of that - for example, they identify non-white couples by their race/ethnicity, but clearly position white as the default. And while they include same-sex couples, and called out non-hetero samples in research, it still felt pretty heteronormative. Note that an early example includes a couple who are both police officers. There are also mentions of different types domestic violence. 

 

I received a digital Advance Reader Copy from NetGalley and Rodale Inc in exchange for an honest review.