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A review by entirelybonkerz
Shadow Princess by Susanne Valenti, Caroline Peckham
2.0
724 pages.
Why God. WHY? Did Tory Vega really need 400 pages of being a whiny pathetic little bitch? Did Seth really need 120 pages to make me wish he was dead? (I've wanted him dead since book 1 anyways) Did we really need 200 pages of the same back-and-forth just to make me feel like I was reading book 1 all over again?
Guess we'll find out, tonight on Discovery Channel.
If I was the sort of person who drinks, I'd be on my fifth shot of sacrificial whiskey while writing this review. Anyway, let's tackle the obvious, what I hated.
- Tory Vega. I hate her. Always have, always will. Her constant pity parties, whining, selfishness, and: I want Darius. I hate Darius. I want Darius. I hate Darius. I will bounce on Caleb's dick as many times as I can even though that ADDS NOTHING to the plot and I have zero connection to him whatsoever. My sister needs TO LOVE ME, APPRECIATE ME. Darcy needs to attend to all my emotional needs while I don't pay attention to a single thing that is going on with her.
Someone should have left this bitch in the human world. The more I read these books, the more I want Darius to really ruin the fuck out of her life, she doesn't deserve the air she breathes and she would never be a good ruler.
- Seth why the fuck is this character even here? Seth, Caleb, and Max are the most useless, shallow and underdeveloped characters I have ever read about and they are just there for filler content. They're there to sound like a bunch of fucking chads and say: BABE, LITTLE VEGA, SWEETHEART in condescending tones, fuck everything that moves, and make me want to puke every time they make a decision that adds nothing to the plot and DOES NOT belong to their personality profile just for shock value.
I truly wish they would die. They are SO inconsequential to this entire thing, they're just there to cause plot-controlling inconveniences for their lazy writing.
- THE BOND The fact that Orion and Darius have that stupid little bond that makes them attracted to each other as straight men. I am not a gay man and I can't say if this is problematic or not, but JESUS CHRIST that annoys me to no end. They use the little "we want to cuddle because of the bond, we want to make out because of the bond" as a fucking joke. As a comedy device. Gay characters/attraction is not a comedy tool. The entire thing made me uncomfortable and annoyed. I also hate how their inner dialogues about it is usually: I hate that the bond makes me feel this way about him, I hate that it makes me want to suck his dick. Shut the fuck up. They didn't want to commit to a relationship between them other than brotherly love but this entire bond thing is useless and weird.
- The dumb southern girl and the token Mexican kid : I don't think I need to explain this one. This series just has too many stereotypes that didn't need to exist. They are already supernatural creatures, get creative with THOSE stereotypes.
- Length and Lack of Editing you'd think that five books deep, they would have hired an editor that would say: hey, maybe this doesn't need these 40 extra chapters. Maybe we should focus more on the girls having real classes and actually learning something for once. Maybe we should go deeper into the world-building and add SOME droplets of it for a change. Maybe we should give these characters more solid personalities and make sure they stick to it?
MAYBE JUST MAYBE, a well-written plot twist is worth 300 cliffhangers.
They started with this ridiculous shit again, just to make sure people pick up the next book. A sloppy, non-sense cliffhanger that came out of NOWHERE, with no actual build-up.
And please, don't even get me started on that Tory and Darius bullshit. You know what? He dodged a fucking bullet if you ask me. I wouldn't want to be tied to fucking Tory Vega for the rest of my life.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THIS BUT DARIUS-DESERVES-BETTER.
Do you know who is the most CONSISTENT CHARACTER? THE VILLAIN OF THIS STORY. DARIUS' DAD KNOWS WHAT'S UP. He knows what he wants and he is going after it, and everything he does makes sense. Because it fits his personality profile. It fits his belief system. Even when he does something unexpected, IT FITS THE FUCKING BILL. Unlike every other character in here.
if you are a writer or trying to be one, here is a tip: you need to know your characters, you need to understand their purposes, wants and needs. fears and wishes. AND THEY NEED TO REMAIN consistent, along with their choices and actions. They will all be guided by those things. And SLOWLY, add things that can shake up their belief system and maybe cause a disruption in how they see the world.
I feel like these characters are being held hostage by these two authors who don't respect the characters they created THEMSELVES. They are pushing and pulling them, making them do things that make no sense so it fits their SLOPPY, LAZY plot and it is infuriating.
I promised I am finishing this series because it's personal now. I want to be able to pinpoint every mistake, every disgrace, I want to criticize it with the knowledge of a FUCKING SCHOLAR OK.
Now to the few good things, the only reason this book got 2 stars from me. Orion and Darcy. That's it. I want to remove every page they are on, and just make ZA their series. Their story. The only times I smiled, laughed or enjoyed myself was when they were present and I KNOW, I just KNOW they are going to fuck up the only good thing in this series in the next books.
Because I am slowly learning their MO. And the MO of this series is BUTCHERING characters for the sake of shock.
Anyways, 2 stars. One for Darcy being the only sister who is worth something and one for Orion finally being on time for his classes for the first time in four books.
My blood boils but we will move on. Everyone is telling me: there is so much character development on book five, the writing has matured so much. If y'all are lying to me, you are getting bitch slapped.
*raging violence, but it's all because the next book is even longer, don't worry I still love you*