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A review by torishams
Real Life by Brandon Taylor
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
4.0
I have an insane amount of tabs in this book, enough said. But really, this book was so heartbreaking even though like nothing happened. I think it felt like it mirrored my life this summer so I felt deeply connected to it. It explores being a researcher, not knowing if you're on the right path in life, childhood trauma, sexuality, racism, grief, and loneliness. My main issue with it was the ending, which felt overly ambiguous in my opinion. However, there were so many moments where I felt so seen (which is what often makes a book special). I'll put a few of my favorite quotes (but there are literally so many):
-It wasn't so much that he wanted to leave graduate school as that he wanted to leave his life. The truth of that feeling fit under his skin like a new, uncomfortable self, and he couldn't get rid of it once he acknowledged it. It was all the same, gray waiting, a fear of not being able to take it all back. (27)
-He skimmed beneath the surface of waking, gliding along a vast silver sea of light, viewing it from below, the world passing him by, passing over him. (51)
-...but he turns, leaves. Away through the blue shadow that has taken the lab now that the lights have turned off. His motion doesn't trigger them, as though he is a natural part of this place or a ghost. (99)
-He wasn't looking anyway, but at the same time he wanted to be looked at the same as anyone else, to be seen. (110)
-If Vincent leaves me... I don't know what I'll do," he says... It's the sort of thing you say with a laugh, a soft roll of the shoulders. That's the only way to express the inconsolable grief of it, the fear that begins down in the tripe, in the guts, in the core of who you are and what you want and what you need. (133)
-...when you go to another place you don't have to carry the past with you. You can lay it down. You can leave it for the ants. There comes a time when you have to stop being who you were, when you have to let the past stay where it is, frozen and impossible. You have to let it go if you're going to keep moving... The past is greedy, always swallowing you up, always taking. If you don't hold it back... it will spread and take and drown... I can't live as long as my past does. It's one or the other. (203)
-"I'm sorry all that happened to you, that I made you tell me." "You didn't do anything wrong. Besides, I guess I've been walking around waiting for someone to ask." "Have you?" "Maybe so," Wallace says. "Maybe we all are? I don't know." (217)
-His father had done some magic trick, converted certainty to doubt with no more effort than it took to ask, <i>What are you crying for?</i> Why had he done that? Why? But here, with Brigit, the reason sharpens, its clarity terrifying. He is crying because he cannot recognize hinsmelf, because the way forward is obscured for him, but ther eis nothing he can do or say that will bring him happiness. He is crying because he is lodged between this life and the next, and for the first time he does not know whether it is better to stay or go. Wallace cries and cries, until eventually he is hollow and empty until there's nothing left to cry about, until he feels like he's being rung like a bell. (268)
oops that was a lot of quotes...
anyways go read this book!!
-It wasn't so much that he wanted to leave graduate school as that he wanted to leave his life. The truth of that feeling fit under his skin like a new, uncomfortable self, and he couldn't get rid of it once he acknowledged it. It was all the same, gray waiting, a fear of not being able to take it all back. (27)
-He skimmed beneath the surface of waking, gliding along a vast silver sea of light, viewing it from below, the world passing him by, passing over him. (51)
-...but he turns, leaves. Away through the blue shadow that has taken the lab now that the lights have turned off. His motion doesn't trigger them, as though he is a natural part of this place or a ghost. (99)
-He wasn't looking anyway, but at the same time he wanted to be looked at the same as anyone else, to be seen. (110)
-If Vincent leaves me... I don't know what I'll do," he says... It's the sort of thing you say with a laugh, a soft roll of the shoulders. That's the only way to express the inconsolable grief of it, the fear that begins down in the tripe, in the guts, in the core of who you are and what you want and what you need. (133)
-...when you go to another place you don't have to carry the past with you. You can lay it down. You can leave it for the ants. There comes a time when you have to stop being who you were, when you have to let the past stay where it is, frozen and impossible. You have to let it go if you're going to keep moving... The past is greedy, always swallowing you up, always taking. If you don't hold it back... it will spread and take and drown... I can't live as long as my past does. It's one or the other. (203)
-"I'm sorry all that happened to you, that I made you tell me." "You didn't do anything wrong. Besides, I guess I've been walking around waiting for someone to ask." "Have you?" "Maybe so," Wallace says. "Maybe we all are? I don't know." (217)
-His father had done some magic trick, converted certainty to doubt with no more effort than it took to ask, <i>What are you crying for?</i> Why had he done that? Why? But here, with Brigit, the reason sharpens, its clarity terrifying. He is crying because he cannot recognize hinsmelf, because the way forward is obscured for him, but ther eis nothing he can do or say that will bring him happiness. He is crying because he is lodged between this life and the next, and for the first time he does not know whether it is better to stay or go. Wallace cries and cries, until eventually he is hollow and empty until there's nothing left to cry about, until he feels like he's being rung like a bell. (268)
oops that was a lot of quotes...
anyways go read this book!!