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A review by susannadkm
The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by William Stixrud, Ned Johnson
challenging
informative
medium-paced
3.5
"When parents work harder than their kids to solve their problems, their kids get weaker, not stronger."
This book was more focused on parenting teenagers than toddlers, but as always, there was use-able advice. Each chapter ended with a list of "things to do tonight" to gradually transfer responsibility to your child.
There were three specific tips I liked. 1) Make enjoying your kids a top priority so they "have the experience of being joy-producing organisms."
2) Ask your child's opinion, like "Do you think we should do it this way or that way?" Have a family meeting about who will do chores. Make a list of things your child would like to be in charge of and shift responsibility to them. Ask if something's not working for them and if they have any ideas about how to make it work better.
3) Give young children a calendar. Mark off the date every night and write or draw in weekly activities, to help them understand what will happen each day.
Last, the Yerkes-Dodson law concept was fascinating. "Performance increases with psychological and mental arousal up to a point, after which it starts to decline. We need a certain level of arousal--from curiosity, excitement, or mild stress--to reach our optimal level of mental acuity. But when we're too stressed, we can't think straight. Our brains become inefficient... [On average] optimal levels of stress for girls often isn't enough to motivate boys. And optimal stress for boys can be overwhelming for girls."
I listened to the audiobook.
This book was more focused on parenting teenagers than toddlers, but as always, there was use-able advice. Each chapter ended with a list of "things to do tonight" to gradually transfer responsibility to your child.
There were three specific tips I liked. 1) Make enjoying your kids a top priority so they "have the experience of being joy-producing organisms."
2) Ask your child's opinion, like "Do you think we should do it this way or that way?" Have a family meeting about who will do chores. Make a list of things your child would like to be in charge of and shift responsibility to them. Ask if something's not working for them and if they have any ideas about how to make it work better.
3) Give young children a calendar. Mark off the date every night and write or draw in weekly activities, to help them understand what will happen each day.
Last, the Yerkes-Dodson law concept was fascinating. "Performance increases with psychological and mental arousal up to a point, after which it starts to decline. We need a certain level of arousal--from curiosity, excitement, or mild stress--to reach our optimal level of mental acuity. But when we're too stressed, we can't think straight. Our brains become inefficient... [On average] optimal levels of stress for girls often isn't enough to motivate boys. And optimal stress for boys can be overwhelming for girls."
I listened to the audiobook.