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A review by thewarmvoid
You've Lost a Lot of Blood by Eric LaRocca
5.0
You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood - Eric LaRocca
YLALOB is a weaving of events from the perspective of Martyr Black, a serial killer and writer, as well as entangling parts of a book that he wrote titled “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood”. Inside of the novel he writes, there is a story of a young girl and her younger brother who she has assumed the care of after their parents died in an accident. She is a game programer and has been offered an on-site job at a massive estate to work on a game titled “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood” – It’s very layered, but in a way that is completely understandable and doesn’t confuse me, someone very prone to being confused by multi viewpoint stories like this one. YLALOB paints the portrait of the man Martyr Black, his actions, his motives, his thoughts and inner workings. I felt very attached to Martyr Black for the first ¾’s of the book, and then once the disconnect happened I almost couldn't believe I had humanized him so much in my own head. Eric’s writing is really good like that - it helps you examine emotions that you do feel, as opposed to misdirection that leads you into false emotion. We aren't being led to believe that Martyr Black is a good man who is just misunderstood. Martyr Black is who he is, and he is honest about it (as far as we are able to recognize). We are being shown Martyr Black - the things he does, the conversations he’s had, the things he has written and we are allowed to form our own feelings and conclusions about how we feel about him, how we feel about his partner in crime Ambrose, how we feel about his writing. We make our own interpretations of these things and then more information is revealed that may or may not change your perception.
One thing that YLALOB seems to reveal to me is that as deeply as we would like to understand the feelings and motivations of those that commit heinous acts, there isn’t a way to thoroughly and genuinely do it. No matter what materials we procure, journals, voice recordings etc. - we can never be sure what is obscured, what is unseen, what they choose to hide and what they don’t even understand they are hiding.
Eric writes of the centipede, later called an engine, in ways that remind me deeply of Junji Ito’s UZUMAKI, a comforting relation in my mind. The way that Eric writes the existence of a chaotic banality that breeds resentment in relationships is uncomfortably realistic to me. There is a line in which Martyr refers to Ambrose citing “I never wanted to be his home.” and the line both broke my heart and resonated with me in an intense way, reflecting on the past. The moments in a bitter relationship where in that very moment you realize that you are doing something you want to be doing, with the wrong person. It’s a bittersweet revelation.
We meet Presley and Tamsen in a situation very reminiscent of one that occurs in Ari Aster’s HEREDITARY. Tamsen comes to, covered in oil with a lighter next to her and Presely in the back seat. The scene where the mother stands in her son's bedroom, gasoline and lit match in tow. The unconscious desire to end things that manifests physically our psyche desires it so deeply. A desolate gas station stops to fix a headlight, turning into a surreal moment where an older woman goes into a trancelike state revealing prophecies, a thick black centipede crawling out of her stoma. The words feel like they crawl off of the page and onto me. An unsettling and obviously malevolent atmosphere coats the segments of the book titled “You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood”.
One thing about this novel that I adore is the juxtaposition between the relationships between Martyr and Ambrose, and Dani and Tamsen. Dani and Tamsen building a relationship based on closeness, trust and protection - Ambrose and Martyr having a bitter and cold comfort in the horror of their union. Eric LaRocca writes the act of murder in a way that makes me feel a sense of deep warmth and inspiration. Martyr says he doesn’t mourn some corpses, as the beauty they achieved in death is greater than anything they would have accomplished in life. A brutal and romantic sentiment. The story of Tamsen and Presley evolves into a virtual nightmare, something extremely Cronenberg-esque in the sense of not just body horror, but the marriage between body horror and machine, ala CRASH. A nightmare and a daydream of sorts, as Tamsens' unconscious desires manifest in front of her. Metallic grinding noises, wires under skin, weeping so loud it drowns all other sound out, personal totems as vessels. A soft girl turning into cold metal as she devours another’s warmth, a mass grave and bodies as conduits. Martyr learns something truly vile about a man who he had exposed his vulnerability to, and he felt ruined. The feeling of not knowing who someone is, the ways that we can reveal ourselves to someone who is hiding terrible awful things. This made me wonder, the worst person you know - think of them. Who is the worst person they know? And so on and so forth. Could we get to the root of evil this way? Hmm. It’s like a spiral. A centipede crawling out of a stoma. Bodies in latex pods, clones of clones of clones. The hell of repetition.
In the end, I feel exposed. I felt raw, and confused in the best way. Confused, as I asked myself questions. Why did I feel so connected to Martyr and so repulsed by Ambrose? Why did I feel so much empathy for Tamsen? The tying together of the two stories rooted in what is the truth, what *is* objective reality, and does it exist at all? I wonder.
I’m still wondering about a lot of things You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood contained. Surreal and clear cut prose, born of romantic transgression. I do not understand for a second the people who said this doesnt have a plot or a point, or how they couldn't manage to link the two stories together, as I felt them interlock in so many ways. Eric knows exactly what he's doing.
5/5 stars.
YLALOB is a weaving of events from the perspective of Martyr Black, a serial killer and writer, as well as entangling parts of a book that he wrote titled “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood”. Inside of the novel he writes, there is a story of a young girl and her younger brother who she has assumed the care of after their parents died in an accident. She is a game programer and has been offered an on-site job at a massive estate to work on a game titled “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood” – It’s very layered, but in a way that is completely understandable and doesn’t confuse me, someone very prone to being confused by multi viewpoint stories like this one. YLALOB paints the portrait of the man Martyr Black, his actions, his motives, his thoughts and inner workings. I felt very attached to Martyr Black for the first ¾’s of the book, and then once the disconnect happened I almost couldn't believe I had humanized him so much in my own head. Eric’s writing is really good like that - it helps you examine emotions that you do feel, as opposed to misdirection that leads you into false emotion. We aren't being led to believe that Martyr Black is a good man who is just misunderstood. Martyr Black is who he is, and he is honest about it (as far as we are able to recognize). We are being shown Martyr Black - the things he does, the conversations he’s had, the things he has written and we are allowed to form our own feelings and conclusions about how we feel about him, how we feel about his partner in crime Ambrose, how we feel about his writing. We make our own interpretations of these things and then more information is revealed that may or may not change your perception.
One thing that YLALOB seems to reveal to me is that as deeply as we would like to understand the feelings and motivations of those that commit heinous acts, there isn’t a way to thoroughly and genuinely do it. No matter what materials we procure, journals, voice recordings etc. - we can never be sure what is obscured, what is unseen, what they choose to hide and what they don’t even understand they are hiding.
Eric writes of the centipede, later called an engine, in ways that remind me deeply of Junji Ito’s UZUMAKI, a comforting relation in my mind. The way that Eric writes the existence of a chaotic banality that breeds resentment in relationships is uncomfortably realistic to me. There is a line in which Martyr refers to Ambrose citing “I never wanted to be his home.” and the line both broke my heart and resonated with me in an intense way, reflecting on the past. The moments in a bitter relationship where in that very moment you realize that you are doing something you want to be doing, with the wrong person. It’s a bittersweet revelation.
We meet Presley and Tamsen in a situation very reminiscent of one that occurs in Ari Aster’s HEREDITARY. Tamsen comes to, covered in oil with a lighter next to her and Presely in the back seat. The scene where the mother stands in her son's bedroom, gasoline and lit match in tow. The unconscious desire to end things that manifests physically our psyche desires it so deeply. A desolate gas station stops to fix a headlight, turning into a surreal moment where an older woman goes into a trancelike state revealing prophecies, a thick black centipede crawling out of her stoma. The words feel like they crawl off of the page and onto me. An unsettling and obviously malevolent atmosphere coats the segments of the book titled “You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood”.
One thing about this novel that I adore is the juxtaposition between the relationships between Martyr and Ambrose, and Dani and Tamsen. Dani and Tamsen building a relationship based on closeness, trust and protection - Ambrose and Martyr having a bitter and cold comfort in the horror of their union. Eric LaRocca writes the act of murder in a way that makes me feel a sense of deep warmth and inspiration. Martyr says he doesn’t mourn some corpses, as the beauty they achieved in death is greater than anything they would have accomplished in life. A brutal and romantic sentiment. The story of Tamsen and Presley evolves into a virtual nightmare, something extremely Cronenberg-esque in the sense of not just body horror, but the marriage between body horror and machine, ala CRASH. A nightmare and a daydream of sorts, as Tamsens' unconscious desires manifest in front of her. Metallic grinding noises, wires under skin, weeping so loud it drowns all other sound out, personal totems as vessels. A soft girl turning into cold metal as she devours another’s warmth, a mass grave and bodies as conduits. Martyr learns something truly vile about a man who he had exposed his vulnerability to, and he felt ruined. The feeling of not knowing who someone is, the ways that we can reveal ourselves to someone who is hiding terrible awful things. This made me wonder, the worst person you know - think of them. Who is the worst person they know? And so on and so forth. Could we get to the root of evil this way? Hmm. It’s like a spiral. A centipede crawling out of a stoma. Bodies in latex pods, clones of clones of clones. The hell of repetition.
In the end, I feel exposed. I felt raw, and confused in the best way. Confused, as I asked myself questions. Why did I feel so connected to Martyr and so repulsed by Ambrose? Why did I feel so much empathy for Tamsen? The tying together of the two stories rooted in what is the truth, what *is* objective reality, and does it exist at all? I wonder.
I’m still wondering about a lot of things You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood contained. Surreal and clear cut prose, born of romantic transgression. I do not understand for a second the people who said this doesnt have a plot or a point, or how they couldn't manage to link the two stories together, as I felt them interlock in so many ways. Eric knows exactly what he's doing.
5/5 stars.