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A review by chasegartzke
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
4.0
TW: mentions of SA.
This was a book club read and it was, as I expected, an extremely emotional read. Kate Elizabeth Russell perfectly communicates so many of the small horrors involved when you are groomed by a sexual predator. While this is often very unsettling, it is also powerful and I think necessary. We often water down our discussions on grooming, sexual abuse, and related topics and this often has disastrous impacts on those who have been victimized. It can leave those who have been groomed, for example, not knowing if all the minutiae that you inevitably obsess over are things other people go through too. And the constant vacillating between the reality of your abuse and making excuses for why it’s not so bad can start to fill you with burdensome guilt because you don’t know that this too is completely normal behavior for a victim of abuse. One of the most powerful things about this book is that it hold up this horrific level of abuse and grooming, which lets others who have been through the same thing know that they aren’t alone and that they are normal. And not freely discussing these topics makes them feel inappropriate to speak about, which can make it even harder for a victim to let someone know they are being hurt.
I started by journey to pick up the pieces of myself in 2014, which was 12 years after I was groomed by a 23-year-old man when I was 16 and entered into a “relationship” that lasted for just over a year. This began immediately after the end of a year long relationship I had at the age of 15 with a different 23-year-old man. Both did far more damage than I realized, and at my current age of 36 I’m still dealing with it.
These situations can change so much about you and how you function. I often feel as though my brain was rewired and now I can’t see things clearly when it comes to potential partners, which has lead to me being in a perpetual cycle of emotional abuse throughout my adulthood. And that’s why it’s important to talk about these things. Kate Elizabeth Russell did just that.
The writing was very good. The time jumps weren’t distracting and I found the way she broke apart her story to be very intriguing. Overall, this is a very good book. I’d recommend reading this, just be aware of the subject matter.
Actual rating: 4.4
This was a book club read and it was, as I expected, an extremely emotional read. Kate Elizabeth Russell perfectly communicates so many of the small horrors involved when you are groomed by a sexual predator. While this is often very unsettling, it is also powerful and I think necessary. We often water down our discussions on grooming, sexual abuse, and related topics and this often has disastrous impacts on those who have been victimized. It can leave those who have been groomed, for example, not knowing if all the minutiae that you inevitably obsess over are things other people go through too. And the constant vacillating between the reality of your abuse and making excuses for why it’s not so bad can start to fill you with burdensome guilt because you don’t know that this too is completely normal behavior for a victim of abuse. One of the most powerful things about this book is that it hold up this horrific level of abuse and grooming, which lets others who have been through the same thing know that they aren’t alone and that they are normal. And not freely discussing these topics makes them feel inappropriate to speak about, which can make it even harder for a victim to let someone know they are being hurt.
I started by journey to pick up the pieces of myself in 2014, which was 12 years after I was groomed by a 23-year-old man when I was 16 and entered into a “relationship” that lasted for just over a year. This began immediately after the end of a year long relationship I had at the age of 15 with a different 23-year-old man. Both did far more damage than I realized, and at my current age of 36 I’m still dealing with it.
These situations can change so much about you and how you function. I often feel as though my brain was rewired and now I can’t see things clearly when it comes to potential partners, which has lead to me being in a perpetual cycle of emotional abuse throughout my adulthood. And that’s why it’s important to talk about these things. Kate Elizabeth Russell did just that.
The writing was very good. The time jumps weren’t distracting and I found the way she broke apart her story to be very intriguing. Overall, this is a very good book. I’d recommend reading this, just be aware of the subject matter.
Actual rating: 4.4