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cocoonofbooks 's review for:
How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7
by Julie Adair King, Joanna Faber
I definitely needed this refresher! I'd read and loved Liberated Parents, Liberated Children and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk before I actually had a kid, but I knew that I needed to revisit the tips now that I was a parent. Then I saw that there was a version for little kids (my son just turned 2), so I immediately requested a copy from the library without realizing that 1) this was a brand-new publication 2) co-authored not by the original authors, but by the daughter of one of the original authors and her childhood friend.
It turns out that both Joanna Faber and Julie King have used the original tips from Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish to run parenting workshops, and they've drawn on this experience to revisit the basic principles with stories of kids ages 2-7, from their own lives and those of their workshop participants.
It was helpful for me to gain some perspective on the fact that my son is still very young. Almost none of the stories deal with a child who's just turned two, with only a handful talking about a two-and-a-half-year-old. On the one hand, this is frustrating — I'm still having these same problems but I can't use most of the tools yet! — but on the other hand, it's reassuring for me that I'm relearning these skills just as they're starting to become useful in my son's life. It can only get better from here, right?
Faber and King remind the reader frequently (via the conversations with their workshop participants) that even though using these strategies takes more creativity, more forethought, and more energy upfront, they're ultimately going to save you time and energy because daily tasks won't be such a battle, and everyone will also be happier. Not to mention, you're equipping your children with the tools to be able to handle their emotions and solve problems as they grow older, which is really what parenting should be about.
I appreciate that, like the original authors, Faber and King spend time acknowledging that parents get angry! They don't expect that parents will be able to stay perfectly calm and collected through every interaction. And it's helpful to hear the stories of other parents who lose their temper and yell and yank their kids away from things. The authors talk about how it's possible (and necessary) to revisit these situations later, at a calmer moment, to problem solve with your kids about how to avoid them in the future.
The conversations between workshop participants in this book do sound really contrived, but for me it didn't detract from the usefulness of the book. The characters were stand-ins meant to bring up the different concerns and arguments parents might have about the strategies discussed, and for that purpose they worked well.
I'm going to be saving and reviewing the book's tips and trying out what I can now, adding strategies as my son gets older and more communicative. If you've read the original book(s) you may find this repetitive, but personally I can't get enough example scenarios to help me internalize the various tools. Definitely recommended.
Edited to add: Autistic reviewers may take issue with some parts of the section on kids with special challenges. The term "high-functioning" is used and there is some discussion of helping kids adjust their behavior to fit in socially. However, I also think the authors do a nice job of encouraging parents to get into the world of their child and see things from their perspective rather than always expecting the child to adapt to the world around them.
It turns out that both Joanna Faber and Julie King have used the original tips from Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish to run parenting workshops, and they've drawn on this experience to revisit the basic principles with stories of kids ages 2-7, from their own lives and those of their workshop participants.
It was helpful for me to gain some perspective on the fact that my son is still very young. Almost none of the stories deal with a child who's just turned two, with only a handful talking about a two-and-a-half-year-old. On the one hand, this is frustrating — I'm still having these same problems but I can't use most of the tools yet! — but on the other hand, it's reassuring for me that I'm relearning these skills just as they're starting to become useful in my son's life. It can only get better from here, right?
Faber and King remind the reader frequently (via the conversations with their workshop participants) that even though using these strategies takes more creativity, more forethought, and more energy upfront, they're ultimately going to save you time and energy because daily tasks won't be such a battle, and everyone will also be happier. Not to mention, you're equipping your children with the tools to be able to handle their emotions and solve problems as they grow older, which is really what parenting should be about.
I appreciate that, like the original authors, Faber and King spend time acknowledging that parents get angry! They don't expect that parents will be able to stay perfectly calm and collected through every interaction. And it's helpful to hear the stories of other parents who lose their temper and yell and yank their kids away from things. The authors talk about how it's possible (and necessary) to revisit these situations later, at a calmer moment, to problem solve with your kids about how to avoid them in the future.
The conversations between workshop participants in this book do sound really contrived, but for me it didn't detract from the usefulness of the book. The characters were stand-ins meant to bring up the different concerns and arguments parents might have about the strategies discussed, and for that purpose they worked well.
I'm going to be saving and reviewing the book's tips and trying out what I can now, adding strategies as my son gets older and more communicative. If you've read the original book(s) you may find this repetitive, but personally I can't get enough example scenarios to help me internalize the various tools. Definitely recommended.
Edited to add: Autistic reviewers may take issue with some parts of the section on kids with special challenges. The term "high-functioning" is used and there is some discussion of helping kids adjust their behavior to fit in socially. However, I also think the authors do a nice job of encouraging parents to get into the world of their child and see things from their perspective rather than always expecting the child to adapt to the world around them.